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RNGesus@lemmy.world to Lemmy Shitpost@lemmy.world · 2 years ago

Shitpost

lemmy.world

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Shitpost

lemmy.world

RNGesus@lemmy.world to Lemmy Shitpost@lemmy.world · 2 years ago
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  • UraniumBlazer@lemm.ee
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    2 years ago

    A reminder for the uncivilized savages from a very civilized gentleman with a sweet smelling asshole: WASH YOUR ASS WITH WATER. USE A BIDET OR A BUM GUN.

    Why are Americans okay with shooting up schools but not ok with shooting up their own assholes?! Bum guns also don’t require reloading! You can fire as much as you want! Use Bum guns 👍.

    • dylanTheDeveloper@lemmy.world
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      2 years ago

      I’m a heavy shitter, I shit alot and I shit so much my ass crack looks like caramelized fondu. When I go outside flys swarm around my ass and get stuck on my sticky ass crack. Everyone would avoid me in the local Walmart when I shop for gaming supplies (Doritos and Dr Pepper mostly). I have difficultly wiping because I can’t physically reach under there and I can’t stand up in the shower. One day my mom told me to lose weight (yeah thanks for bullying me again mom 😒) and I know I’m a little heavy at the moment because I have to use cooking oil to greese up the doorframes so I can squeeze through but that’s only because of capitalism shrinking all the rental apartments and cramming as many people in as possible. Anyway I was playing Amongus and one of my femboy friends told me about bidgets. At first I was like “huh?” and he explained that because he plays Genshin he cannot physically leave the house or bathe and he has a special toilet that cleans his butthole for him. So I ordered one off Amazon and my god it is the best thing ever, now this device shoots water up my asshole and poof! No more shit streaked stretch pants woohoo!

      • HappycamperNZ@lemmy.world
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        2 years ago

        What a terrible day to be literate in this masterful world you have created.

      • UraniumBlazer@lemm.ee
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        2 years ago

        That’s amazing! Btw, what’s ur femboy friend’s snap?

    • surewhynotlem@lemmy.world
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      2 years ago

      I’m afraid to Google this. What is a bum gun. I already have a bidet.

      • UraniumBlazer@lemm.ee
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        2 years ago

        This beauty

        • SmokeyDope@lemmy.world
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          2 years ago

          Oh I think my sink has one of those will have to try it out

        • Kusimulkku@lemm.ee
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          2 years ago

          That’s a pussy phone

          • I_Fart_Glitter@lemmy.world
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            2 years ago

            Brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrring!

        • surewhynotlem@lemmy.world
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          2 years ago

          Oh. Yeah. That makes a lot of sense.

      • bingbong@lemmy.dbzer0.com
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        2 years ago

        Super soaker with a 1200 psi stream focusing attachment

    • moosetwin@lemmy.dbzer0.com
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      2 years ago

      I love the name bum gun

      • UraniumBlazer@lemm.ee
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        2 years ago

        I love bums

    • 601error@lemmy.ca
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      2 years ago

      If paper is good enough for wiping the shit from my hands, it’s good enough for wiping the shit from my ass.

      • Sneezycat@sopuli.xyz
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        2 years ago

        And this is why I don’t like handshakes.

    • 257m@sh.itjust.works
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      2 years ago

      As a child I was to taught to use a Lota and I have never used anything else. Is that grosser than toilet paper or better?

      • UraniumBlazer@lemm.ee
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        2 years ago

        A less elegant solution, sure. But much better than using paper for god’s sake!

  • mrfriki@lemmy.world
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    2 years ago

    Literal shit post.

  • uranibaba@lemmy.world
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    2 years ago

    That’s a shit job.

  • balderdash@lemmy.zip
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    2 years ago

    Spread your checks and lift your sack

    • moosetwin@lemmy.dbzer0.com
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      2 years ago

      𝅘𝅥𝅮 send your asshole into shock 𝅘𝅥𝅮

  • metaStatic@kbin.social
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    2 years ago

    89.95

    • Fuck spez@sh.itjust.works
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      2 years ago

      I’d bet on it not being USD though based on the Caribbean lager behind her.

    • takeda@lemmy.world
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      2 years ago

      Maybe it was during covid? ;)

      BTW: I love how TP is answer to but cataclysm. This year they’re was extremely rare hurricane coming to Southern California and again saw a lot of carts on Costco with one or two packs of TP day before it hit.

      • Lev_Astov@lemmy.world
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        2 years ago

        Well, TP is the answer to butt cataclysms.

    • Flying Squid@lemmy.worldM
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      2 years ago

      deleted by creator

  • jaschen@lemm.ee
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    2 years ago

    WHY IS IT 90 FUCKING DOLLARS FOR TOILET PAPER!??!?!?!

    • Kiddkao@lemmy.dbzer0.com
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      2 years ago

      Because life happens outside USA too

      • jaschen@lemm.ee
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        2 years ago

        Oh whew. It’s rupees.

  • Jon_Servo@lemmy.world
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    2 years ago

    Remember when TP companies lied to us and said that bigger tubes made it easier to unwind the paper, and had nothing to do at all with being able to charge the same amount for less TP?

    Anyway yeah, this tube is ridiculous.

    • jcg@halubilo.social
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      2 years ago

      I buy TP without tubes

      I am a monster

  • Steamymoomilk@sh.itjust.works
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    2 years ago

    "Honey muffle and crunches You can really taste the 3ply

  • uis@lemmy.world
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    2 years ago

    This is real shitpost

  • terry_tibbs@lemmy.ml
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    2 years ago

    Let me know when I can trial a bidet.

  • moosetwin@lemmy.dbzer0.com
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    2 years ago

    you know the answer to both of those questions

  • Altima NEO@lemmy.zip
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    2 years ago

    Mr Whipple is gonna be pissed

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