Some premises: I am not suicidal, I am so afraid of death that I would never take my own life. Also, English isn’t my native language, so please forgive any errors.
For the purpose of this post, I’m writing some general things about myself: I’m a white man in my mid 20s and I’m autistic.
However, I don’t fit into the typical male stereotype of the autistic person passionate about trains. Instead, I tend to like things that are not typically considered socially acceptable for a man: I am a fan of pop culture and pop divas like Taylor Swift, Avril Lavigne, Ariana Grande and Olivia Rodrigo.
This, along with my general introversion and social fatigue, is one of the reasons I can’t find friends. I can’t find common interests with other men my age. I often found myself in online communities where most of the people were much younger than me and this made me feel uncomfortable, so I left those groups.
I deleted social media, except for Lemmy, Reddit, Telegram, X and YouTube. They are the only places where I don’t feel judged and free to express myself. It’s also a concern for me to stay on social media where my full name is required, because where I live employers scour every single sentence written on public social media, looking for any detail to have an excuse not to hire someone.
Another problem is work. Autism is a disability for me because it precludes me from any job where there is contact with the public, because it drains my energy too quickly. Unfortunately, where I live, working from home is not welcomed and after the pandemic everyone went back to working in person. I’m currently unemployed and I am worried about my parents becoming elderly and not being able to support them, neither financially nor emotionally. Instead, I’m the one who needs help from them.
My therapist is not helpful and he doesn’t understand the difficulties caused by my disability and thinks that it is enough to tell me motivational phrases to make all the problems go away.
I would like to go back to when I was a child. Despite the difficulties of autism and the bullying I suffered at school, I was carefree and only thinking about the present moment. Unfortunately, I’m aware that going back is not possible.
Instead, is there a way to appreciate life again despite all the difficulties and worries?
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Bro love your pop divas and live your truth, fuck the haters.
My stepdad has been a pop music fan all his life, loves Tay Tay and all of the others, and I’ve never thought any less of him, he’s quite literally my best parent and friend by a wide margin. I’m also saying this as a person heavy into metal and rap, because we can all like what we enjoy without begrudging one another for it.
The best thing you can do is try and find a new therapist that you’re comfortable with, once you find that partnership, if you find it, you’ll feel better about yourself as hopefully that therapy partner will help make you feel better about yourself, like any good therapist should be working towards doing.
I’m sure your stepdad is a very good person. You’re right that we should feel free to like what we want. Sometimes it feels hard to ignore the haters, but I’ll try!
Unfortunately I’m stuck with this therapist for at least six months before he retires and is replaced by someone else. I can’t afford another one which is not funded by disability support :(
I’m sorry you’re dealing with that, we definitely need better mental health services, especially for autistic folks, my son is autistic as well and it’s been hard finding support for him. I hope the next therapist does a better job, or that the situation changes and you can get more resources, either way don’t let the haters get you down, stay strong.
Thanks for your support. I agree, we need better mental health services.
Good luck with it, hope things get better for you soon.
Thank you!
When it comes to appreciating life, I always think about what it actually takes to be alive.
Think about it. Trillions of cells working together to keep you alive. An immune system constantly defending you from anything and everything, even yourself. The amount of work it takes to live is extraordinary and we don’t even notice it. Life is extremely fragile and short. Every one of us was gifted a very short amount of time on this wild roller coaster we call life. To me that’s something to celebrate.
If you like pop culture and divas and whatnot, that’s awesome! Being passionate about something is great!
Truth is, I don’t have any good advice, really. I get where you’re coming from and I feel similar sometimes. Even at times when I feel really down, though, I like to stay up on a night with a clear sky, look at the stars and remind myself of how tiny our planet is. How tiny we are. How huge the cosmos is and how grateful I am for this tiny
butbit of time that I get to spend on this Earth, however long it may be.While I’m at it, I may as well recommend the Kurzgesagt YouTube channel. It has some great videos on loneliness, gratefulness and stuff like that. Their book “Immune” also really gave me a whole new sense of appreciation for my body and life itself.
Good luck and never be uncomfortable because of who you are and what you like. Our time here is too short to be wasted on nonsense like that.
Thank you very much for your answer! I’m sorry that sometimes you feel similar, I know it’s hard.
You actually gave me helpful advice! I love your description of life, as a gift to be fully appreciated and not to be spent feeling bad. I will try to change my mindset and stop feeling uncomfortable for being myself.
Thanks for the YouTube channel suggestion. I already heard of it, but never actually watched it. Other people told me it’s interesting too. I will check it out :)
Good luck to you too!
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Thanks for your input!
After all, an autistic person is a human, so it’s likely that non-autistic people experience stuff like this too.
What changes, in my opinion, is the intensity of the internal world, I perceive all emotions very strongly, especially the negative ones.
While you’re right that knowing I’m not alone in what I’m going through doesn’t solve my problems, it still helps a little. At least I don’t feel too out of place.
Edit: you’re right, I should get a new therapist. Unfortunately, though, I cannot afford another one, as I’m not working yet. I had to choose the cheapest option.
Comment removed for endorsing drug usage.
I’m just curious, could you expand on what the rules are pertaining to this subject here? This is the first I’ve heard of it, since the Rules on the sidebar don’t mention it.
It’s in the general LW rules
I tend to like things that are not typically considered socially acceptable for a man: I am a fan of pop culture and pop divas like Taylor Swift, Avril Lavigne, Ariana Grande and Olivia Rodrigo (…) This, along with my general introversion and social fatigue, is one of the reasons I can’t find friends. I can’t find common interests with other men my age. I often found myself in online communities where most of the people were much younger than me and this made me feel uncomfortable, so I left those groups.
Have you tried going to dancing classes? They may not be a perfect match, but perhaps you’d find more like-minded people there.
Interesting advice, thanks. However I had never thought about it because I have terrible coordination 🤣
Hey, while our situations are not the same, I highly relate to what you say, remember you are not alone in your struggles.
For making friends, I recommend looking out for other neurodivergent people, we kinda look out for each other and we understand each other’s struggles. Also, in my experience, LGBTQ communities are more welcome to neurodivergency.
You kinda need to find a way to socialise while not draining your energy, don’t be afraid to ask for what you need or set boundaries. For example, I have a friend that sometimes we take a walk, pick a bench and just chill there silently.
For work, I guess any advice would depend on both your needs and your area of work. If working from home isn’t an option where you live, maybe it’s possible to work for a company abroad. Also, don’t be afraid to ask for any accommodations you need, it’s not perfect but it can help a tonne.
Last but not least, I haven’t tried it, but maybe you can get a therapist online, the online therapy market is booming right now, and there are multiple low cost options/discounts. It may take a while to find a therapist you feel compatible with, don’t be afraid to change if you don’t feel comfortable. Don’t be discouraged if you hear a crazy amount, you will find better deals, lots of these platforms are targeting Americans able to pay for a session more than my take at home income…
Hey, thank you for your comforting reply!
It helps a lot to find people who understand you and support you. I will try to follow your suggestions.
All the best 🫶
