I got that “aggressively uninterested in my appearance” type of egg energy.
Uuuugggghhhh. Yesss. I managed to not infer into an argument with coworker once who was like ‘I just don’t get trans people’ after some prodding they couldn’t understand feeling like another gender.
Damn right! You’re blissfully cis! I have to live with the reality that everything is wrong and it’s not like things are objectively wrong, other than my gender. What a difficult feeling to wrestle with
Wrong™
Yes! Thats how it is…. Like… how to explain? How is it wrong? What would be right? Ugh. It’s so hard!
:3 but now I’m a catgirl and don’t think about those difficult things .
the true answer to Wrong™ is nya! :3
Nyaa~~
Hey beautiful! Be a catgirl, I became one and it fixed a lot of my stupid shitty life!!!
Stop no it hurts
Sprinkling in the compulsory heterosexuality that gets shoved at you ever harder around age 10-12 was its own special hell
And actual panic attacks at having to get gendered clothing items related to adolescence
Still get PTSD flashbacks sometimes.
After I gained awareness, it took me another 10 yrs to start hrt due to a mix of factors. Don’t be like me. Don’t put it off, it does more psychic damage to yourself than you’d think.
frfr. Thinking I could simply tank the dysphoria was a dogshit idea.
I was 20 whole ass years old before it conceptually clicked for me that gender and sex are independent. Like yeah, I heard they were different things, but actually understanding the difference was something else entirely. And if being rudely awakened to the concept of “sexual dimorphism” was biting into the sour fruit of awareness, awakening to the fragility of that divide and the flexibility of the wider world was like biting into the ambrosia of “shit gets better”
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My experience was even more frustrating. For my entire childhood and adolescence, I didn’t have a clue that I wanted to be a girl. I didn’t even consider it to be an option for a long time, nor did I ever think that could not need to live as a boy. There were signs, like feeling uncomfortable having a bare chest, hating men’s changing rooms, getting jealous of my friends who got to crossdress, but I never thought that being feminine could be for me. Other people got to gender bend or be girls, but not an ugly boy like me. I needed to be a cool boy because I didn’t have any choice. I could only play games as male characters because that’s who I was.
It wasn’t until college that I met a trans feminine person and started hanging out in trans spaces online. It low-key fucked me up that I didn’t ever wish to be a girl as a kid. These trans women felt so much like me, but I could only remember hating masculinity, not wanting femininity. Never getting a chance to try it in any way was what hurt me the most. I would never have tried it unless it was encouraged and seen as a normal thing, but because I was never seen as a target for femininity by other people, I never stood a chance.
It took me like 3 years to even try dressing remotely feminine, and it was not something I initially wanted to do that much. Needless to say, I felt like an actual person around others for the first time in my entire life.
