Thank you very much for the links. At the moment I only read the article about “tranbians” and parts of the article about depersonalization. There were definitely parts I could relate to alot.

I guess I learned something new today :D thanks!

Thank you very much, it has been a wild and sometimes scary ride so far, but I’m glad I took it :) And this community really is wonderful!

Thank you all very very much for your stories and advice! I’m absolutely floored by the support I’ve already received! I also appreciate your advice to explore myself without trying to push any label on me. It doesn’t matter where the road leads me to, the trans community will always have a special place in my heart. Thank you.

It’s getting kind of late here in Germany, so if i’m not responding to your comments I’m probably sleeping :)

Thanks Squirrel, I guess if there would be nothing for me to question myself, I wouldn’t be doing it…

Tomorrow I will check out the game, and may Blahaj be with you too!

Trust me, I also was extremely hesistant, but I’m glad I’ve read it. Regardless if i’m a man or a woman the document taught me some really important lessons and inspired me to do further self inspection. I think the part about assuming that being cis is the norm, is something many people should reflect upon, because there is really no reason for it being this way!

Hey Lumelore, it makes me extremely happy to know that you found yourself and are now happier than ever before! ❤ When I was little I had extremely low self esteem, for that reason (and bad eye-hand-coordination) I started Karate at 5 years, which gave me a significant boost in confidence in acting more like my usual weird me. So thankfully even when I was mocked for not being (or trying) to be especially masculine it didn’t bother me too much. But maybe without 20 years of Karate lessons I would have reacted differently in the past.

Actually I did draw myself as women after a small (large) amount of loud sighs and nervosity (is that an english word?). And it made me feel really weird insight. When I was finished the feeling I got was a mixture of longing, confidence, warmth and a tiny bit of melancholy? Its hard to put in words.

Maybe I will share the picture with this community if am confident enough.

Thankfully I trust my friends to accept me even if I’m not cis. My family, even though they are all “boring” cishet people, is also very open and liberal in that matter, but it still makes me nervous especially when thinking about my brother which I have a good relationship with.

but for now:

• Step 1: figuring myself out
• Step 2: dealing with close people

Thank you for your thoughtful replay oNevia, reflecting on masculine situations is a great advice! Actually I do remember there were instances i felt quite uncomfortable putting on a “fake” masculine facade. Especially during school sport events and when in changing rooms with other men/boys. On one hand are these moments relatively rare for me, but on the other hand I also don’t really feel accomplished when acting in a typical male behaviour. I think I will pay closer attention to that aspect now.

I think in the future I need to leave my comfort zone and experiment more often. For a while now, I have the feeling im living on autopilot, so that’s hopefully something that can help me!

Don’t worry Silvana, I’ve just spotted some typos and mistakes in my post, even after rereading it several times :) I also think the part about changing my gender without consequences is a big sign, but what do I know, I’m shortsighted :D I can relate strongly to your third paragraph, it does seem like a lot of work, but maybe if its a missing piece in my life, it might be worth to take the risk. But that’s a problem for future me, when I know whats currently missing.

I wish you all the best and thanks for your reply!

Thank you very much for the reply, Ravindra! It helps my to know, there are people in a similar age bracket with similar experiences. I think i will follow your advice with shaving my legs and maybe let my gf put some nail polish on my nails! Buying women’s underwear seems like a step too far at the moment, but who knows what the future brings ;)