I (20M) was never really a social person and spendy my middle school alone but I was able to make some friends in high school

However, ever since I started my Bachelors I’ve struggled to make friends.

I’ve tried joining clubs or participating in events but even when I do manage to have successful conversations I can’t manage to turn that into a friendship. Considering how the year just ended I’m not going to have a chance

I never minded being alone when I was younger but my loneliness is really starting to really affect me.

I’ve lost any internet in watching tv shows or movies or playing any games, I can’t find the motivation to study and always feel tired.

I’ve also started to constantly fantasize about being in a romantic relationship and worry about if I’ll be alone for the rest of my life despite the fact that I’ve never had any interests in relationships or even an IRL crush.

I also have a porn addiction that’s growing worse and I’m worried about its long term effects on me.

I’ve also never had any online friends before which means I don’t know where to start.

I really need help.

  • @rufus@discuss.tchncs.deEnglish
    5•6 months ago

    Hmmh. Maybe you need therapy. There is the possibility that it’s not just you being unsuccessful at making friends, but also some form of depression, burn-out or early mid-life crisis. That happens.

    And when joining clubs… How do you do it? Do you go there and have fun? Or do you just go there as a means to meet people and frantically try to convince somebody to be your friend? Because lots of people actually go there to do the thing and not necessarily to get to know people. Obviously you’re going to be unsuccessful with those people and experience quite some let-downs. Also you’re going to miss part of the fun… On the other hand it’s the correct way to meet people as an adult. You just can’t force it. And you need to adjust your expectations.

    And another word of advice: 20 isn’t that old. Sure most people have already been in romantic relationships at that age. But a considerable amount of people haven’t. For example, it took me a few years longer than that. But everything turned out alright. And we all experienced rejection. Or not matching with people. It happens over and over, and it’s part of the game.

    Loneliness isn’t a nice feeling at all. But it’s also not the end of the world. Try to have some fun and don’t align your whole life along that one goal. See if there is more that defines you. But you may (and should) also pursue what you want. We all hope you get what you want from life. And with your negative feelings: Maybe try to get someone to listen to you. Maybe professional help. Just to check if you’re alright. There are some help-lines you can google and then call. Maybe do that if you feel like it. They have proper advise and can tell you how to get counseling or if you should visit a doctor. Especially once you lose interest in everything. That is not a good thing.