Anyone Else? Can’t just me me, right?
My dad would occasionally tell us stories from his childhood. Stuff like his dad grabbing him by the shirt collar and repeatedly punching him in the face. When I was a kid it was just another story. When I got old enough to actually understand what he was talking about it was like, “God damn. No wonder you’re like this.”
I couldn’t help but feel sorry for him. It didn’t undo anything he did but it did help me hate him less.
I think I’m really fortunate that my dad somehow realized he completely fucked up and made an effort to repair his relationship with his kids. We’re on good terms now and he’s a way better Grandpa than he was a father. I know a lot of people go through their whole lives only getting to see the worst side of their parents. My dad included.
You are not alone. Your parents do not define your value. Despite their best or worst efforts, they do not ultimately get to decide what kind of person you will be.
My dad would occasionally tell us stories from his childhood. Stuff like his dad grabbing him by the shirt collar and repeatedly punching him in the face.
Bruuuh. I feel like I really shouldn’t complain that much. Some of y’all got even more fucked up childhood than I did. My parents never hit me that hard, it was merely slap on my hand. So like… in an “overton window” where corporal punishment is socially acceptable, its actually kinda tame in comparison. I’m never gonna be like “okay” with that idea, its still very… unacceptable regardless of how society views hitting your kids, but like, to be fair, judging by that standards, on that “overton window”, I didn’t get abused that badly. My parents also didn’t drink or gamble, so… I guess I got lucky the abuse is mostly just emotional. (still… depression is kinda slowly making me wanna kms)
(still… depression is kinda slowly making me wanna kms)
I tried that once when I was a teenager. Obviously, I failed. Kind of a cruel irony being told that you’re never going to amount to anything and then, as you’re working on your own suicide, you suck so bad at tying knots that you fail at that too.
20+ years later, I’m glad I failed. Depression is a deep dark hole that can feel completely inescapable. It’s not inescapable with the right help. You don’t have to do it alone. You just have to be willing to ask for help.
My life so far has been a hard one. It’s been made much harder by the fact that my stupid little brain is broken and makes it extremely difficult to regulate my own emotions. But there’s glimmers of joy in the middle of all the hardness. I have things now that I never could have imagined on that day in my parents garage.
Things like self love and a sense of self worth, a family of my own, people to whom I matter a great deal, and a wealth of experiences that have taught me a great many valuable lessons. Back then I didn’t think anyone would care if I stopped existing. Now, I know that’s not true. Sometimes I’m still here because I’m enjoying my life. Sometimes because I know there are people who love and need me. Somwtimes it’s because even though I don’t feel like that’s true, I know it is and I’m leaning on my meds until my feelings normalize. For me, that’s enough to keep me here until my time is finally up.
Keep doing you. You got this. Posted my story above yours and it definitely feels similar so I feel your pain.
You are really strong for everytbing you habe endured brl/sis. We got this alright! No matter what!! Also read up on any articles https://goodgoodgood.co/ says about Hope (The June One, This October one, The Hope Quotes one, and more). That is what has been keeping me going. Kinda why I keep spreading word about it too. They talk about how it is fundamental for everybodies lives based on research
I posted a really hopeful post on I think it was on politics community (I know politics suck) about the Senate Dems Caving. Made The Post To Help Boost Morale For The People. Take a read of it. Especially since it mentions the hope articles I mentioned above with links. It definitely makes the meltdowns happen a lot less
Will definitely do everything you recommend too. We got this!!
Here’s direct link:
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Sometimes I think I’d prefer physical abuse instead of the constant emotional stuff that makes you doubt yourself decades later. Like, my therapist tells me it was bad but they’re a therapist, isn’t that what they’d say? Mommy Dearest told me no one beat me so it’s not abuse. Abuse is complicated.
My mother has never properly apologized to me for anything in her life. She says she’s not the perfect mother but if you ask her about details of what she feels she did wrong, she will get angry. I honestly don’t talk to her anymore. Homophobic, racist, islamaphobic, etc. I don’t need to put up with that and no one else should be forced to either.
All my parents did for me was neglect me. They weren’t mean to me or anything. I don’t even know if they knew i was alive.
That was the case. She lost my trust since I was very young. But fortunately I have a great father, who is intelligent and caring. I often feel sorry for him to have to live with my mother. On the bright side, their relationship seems get better in the resent years. Maybe time did heal.
I imagine you would sound like my daughter
It was my father, but it’s the same story. He never understood why i never wanted to see him after my parents divorced, and i did not come to his funeral. He was much nicer to my little sister tho, she did not see what me and my brother had to endure years before, and so she is still angry years later that i skipped the funeral.
Damn, a whole lotta folks with not the greatest childhoods.
I think I may have been luckier than I realized.
My parents were physical with me early in life until they felt they could talk it out. My family always put restrictions on things and I didn’t really have input into things while I was there, my adult relationship was largely listening to them complain about their health, dodge political conversations and really never got to input anything into a conversation. If I did mention something they treated it as an ask for guidance and not just something to talk about. My parents never knew the real me that they developed. Thankfully I diverged after I left home as their politics are ghastly
Because when you see a wooden spoon, it’s just a wooden spoon. When I see a wooden spoon, I see a weapon.
The day we figured out we could grab the spoon from her and break it was very liberating.
I’m very fortunate that I have great parents and was brought up well. I’ve never been treated badly by them. However, they have a very strained relationship with each other and it’s been like this for years. But they’re still together. It’s very uncomfortable for me and my siblings because they can barely be in the same room for an hour without an argument breaking out.
Sometimes I think they should have divorced years ago and they would have been much happier.
Bad parents pointing at “screaming at your child regularly”:
Is this being strict?
has depression
Parents: “I guess we weren’t strict enough, now you are a loser that goes to doctors and dependent on pills”
I still haven’t decided when or if I’ll ever tell my mom about the ptsd she gave us. At this point, with the ways she’s changed over the years, I’m not confident she’ll listen or believe me.
I tried for years to decide that, and with therapy learned that was I doing it for her or me, and if for me does it really help? She’ll never change, so it does no good. Instead I keep her a healthy distance away. I still see her, but measured intervals.
I came to the same conclusion. I know how my mom reacts to news she doesn’t like - she defaults to denial. My memory has always been stronger than hers, so there’s no shortage of incidents that I remember, that she has long forgotten. (The tree remembers what the axe forgot, after all.) If I were to attempt to bring things up, she’d deny such things ever happened. Instead of me having catharsis and her having self-recognition, I’d be put in a defensive position and she’d say I’m exaggerating or making things up. Which is to say, attempting to have a serious talk with her always makes me feel worse.
Thankfully, I have siblings, and they remember what our childhood was like. We have all given up on trying to get our mom to see the light. Instead, we have a secret group chat where we can vent as needed.
Thankfully, I have siblings
I have a sibling too, even more toxic than my parents. Single-handedly caused my first Adverse Childhood Experience that I can still remember to this day, the fear, the loneliness…
Ahhh, yes. The Hand that rocks the cradle rules the world.
Totally cant relate. I was home schooled by my mother who had also been a teacher for a few years before starting to have kids with my father. She is kind, gentle, beautiful and still a continuing inspiration in my life.
That is to say, no… I cant personally relate.
I only want whats best for you
My aunt regularly interrogated me about my decision-making, schedule and personal relationships
Without realizing it, I fell into a habit of explaining myself to her. I lost a lot of autonomy. She strictly enforced the practice of getting her approval before doing anything.
I learned to hide things and sneak around her. It made her furious.
She learned to manipulate, lie and bully me into giving her what she wanted.
She was being selfish and intrusive and neither of us realized it. She considers herself to be a protector and provider, and cannot admit that sometimes she’s an abuser.
These days I don’t trust her with information or control. She calls me (and the other members of her immediate family) a “privacy hoarder”.
I’m very hurt, and I don’t plan on ever feeling better about it
