That’s interesting, and I do think the ally-welcoming queer spaces are a good idea too. My thought after reading this goes like this: Can spaces that are welcoming to allies coexist with spaces where only people within a group are allowed to contribute? Like, is it an all or nothing thing?
This is key because there are other spaces on lemmy (witchesvspatriarchy) that are both women-centric and open to allies. So Lemmy has both. But c/witchesvspatriarchy is constantly brigaded by male Lemmy users who get defensive. Often the top upvoted comments will be defensive ones from men, and many posts get derailed from their original topics. It can feel really discouraging. So guys on Lemmy regularly can and do step out of line, and Lemmy’s ecosystem rewards them for it because there’s more of them than us.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m glad witchesvspatriarchy exists. It’s healthy for ally-friendly women-centric spaces to exist. But I’m also glad there’s a community where I don’t have to deal with the constant derailing. And due to the specific circumstances of this platform, it feels like not allowing comments from men is the only to achieve that. At the end of the day, I’m glad that both exist. And I feel like if women-only spaces were taken away from Lemmy, I would just leave.
Edit: There’s another component to this as well, the idea you expressed that you felt excluded either because of your gender or because you’re an ally, and you don’t want anyone to feel like that. I don’t want to presume about your life or identity, but I’m a trans woman and I lived through being excluded because people thought I was a man. It was really awful, honestly. When I was in the closet, I would present as a woman on the internet because it was the one place I didn’t have to reveal my appearance. It was the only time for the entirety of my childhood and adolescence that I felt seen. I guess what I’m saying is that closet trans people aren’t the people being excluded from single-gender spaces on the internet – I certainly wasn’t. I don’t think a “no men” policy in internet forums affected me at all.
I don’t think my experience can or should be directly compared with those of male allies. There are some women-centered spaces where women will gladly welcome mens’ input, but in others, we’re asking for men to respect our right to gather independently, and I don’t think that’s unreasonable to ask. And it’s a boundary men have the right to ask of women too.
That’s interesting, and I do think the ally-welcoming queer spaces are a good idea too. My thought after reading this goes like this: Can spaces that are welcoming to allies coexist with spaces where only people within a group are allowed to contribute? Like, is it an all or nothing thing?
This is key because there are other spaces on lemmy (witchesvspatriarchy) that are both women-centric and open to allies. So Lemmy has both. But c/witchesvspatriarchy is constantly brigaded by male Lemmy users who get defensive. Often the top upvoted comments will be defensive ones from men, and many posts get derailed from their original topics. It can feel really discouraging. So guys on Lemmy regularly can and do step out of line, and Lemmy’s ecosystem rewards them for it because there’s more of them than us.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m glad witchesvspatriarchy exists. It’s healthy for ally-friendly women-centric spaces to exist. But I’m also glad there’s a community where I don’t have to deal with the constant derailing. And due to the specific circumstances of this platform, it feels like not allowing comments from men is the only to achieve that. At the end of the day, I’m glad that both exist. And I feel like if women-only spaces were taken away from Lemmy, I would just leave.
Edit: There’s another component to this as well, the idea you expressed that you felt excluded either because of your gender or because you’re an ally, and you don’t want anyone to feel like that. I don’t want to presume about your life or identity, but I’m a trans woman and I lived through being excluded because people thought I was a man. It was really awful, honestly. When I was in the closet, I would present as a woman on the internet because it was the one place I didn’t have to reveal my appearance. It was the only time for the entirety of my childhood and adolescence that I felt seen. I guess what I’m saying is that closet trans people aren’t the people being excluded from single-gender spaces on the internet – I certainly wasn’t. I don’t think a “no men” policy in internet forums affected me at all.
I don’t think my experience can or should be directly compared with those of male allies. There are some women-centered spaces where women will gladly welcome mens’ input, but in others, we’re asking for men to respect our right to gather independently, and I don’t think that’s unreasonable to ask. And it’s a boundary men have the right to ask of women too.