I (23M) am a broke online college student living with my parents. I have an abusive brother (25M) who also lives under the same roof.
My brother is a narcissist. He believes that he is the most important person in the universe. Boundaries and respect do not matter to him. He will hijack every conversation into being either constant self-aggrandizing or personal attacks and force me to repeat it back to him. He is physically violent when provoked and he has killed multiple animals by beating them to death with his bare hands. Unfortunately, he seems to consider “no” to be a provocation. He searches through all my stuff without permission and I’ve had to start being careful about what things I leave lying around.
My parents do not care about this. My father doesn’t because he’s the OG narcissist who passed it down to my brother and actively cheers for my suffering, and my mother doesn’t because she is the enabler who chose to stay married to my father and told me I had to suffer the abuse endlessly like she does.
I don’t have any irl friends because I have medical conditions that make it difficult for me to be outside on my own for extended periods of time. I also can’t drive because of that. It sucks. This isn’t to say it’s impossible for me to go out, but it’s hard and kind of risky (my condition can cause me to faint).
I have constantly been told to give up on being treated like a human being, but I have begun to recognize that my family is feeding me false narratives of hopelessness to keep me complacent and submissive. I surely have power, but my internalization of their narratives is obscuring the ways to exercise it.
What would you do in such a situation, or if you have been in a similar situation, what did you do?
EDIT: I live in the U.S.
My original plan was a CS degree and try for a remote job, but with the direction the tech sector has been going, I’m not sure that I like my odds. I’m looking at possible majors I can pivot towards, but I haven’t decided yet. I’ve just started classes, so I don’t have that much of a sunk cost yet.
The big issue is that I have a condition called POTS that gives me brain fog and can cause fainting if I sit or stand up for more than a couple minutes. That makes it difficult to do most in-person jobs. So I have to find something that works with that and will still exist in the U.S. economy once I graduate.
Try looking for people trying to learn English as in English as a foreign Language. You could find people online on socials (obvs hard but more rewarding) or through some online teaching portals which may take a cut.
You might pull it through with enough students and it will help you get some money for better support yourself.
All the best!
I know more than I care to about POTS and what you’re describing is pretty severe. Have you pursued a formal diagnosis and/or treatment? Feel free to hit me up if you haven’t and want assistance there. It’ll likely require some self advocacy which can be difficult, especially at first.
You may know this already, but POTS is frequently comorbid with mast cell activation syndrome (MCAS). I have it, hence why I’m familiar with all this. If that is or may be your situation too, addressing the MCAS often helps with POTS problems.
My family dynamic was also similar to yours, so I know how awful it can be. The chronic stress is actually what got me sick. I’m sorry you’re dealing with it now. I have resources that have helped me deal with repairing all that trauma and I’d be happy to share.
Feel free to ask anything if you have any questions!