"I have the best approval ratings anyone ever had. Even better than Kim Jong-Un who has an approval rating of 100%, I have an approval rating of 120%, 150%, 1200%, 20000%. It’s amazing because it’s true. Yesterday I was called by the Nobel committee, they were crying and told me they made the biggest mistake of their lives, they said ‘Mr president, how can we correct our mistake, we are so stupid, we are so dumb’ and I said yes you are, make a new Nobel prize called ‘the best person who ever lived’ and they will and give it to me. Putin called me, Xi called me, they asked me 'Mr president, you are doing so well, you are so amazing, would you like to be president of our countries too, would you be world president? And I said yes. The pope called me, he said God wasn’t worthy anymore, he asked me if the church could replace all instances of Jesus with images of me, and if I would want to be pope pharaoh as I am the only person in the world who is better than God. And I said yes. My approval ratings are ‘one hundred million dollars’ and I’m going to build a laser on the moon, it’s amazing, it’s true. "
"I have the best approval ratings anyone ever had. Even better than Kim Jong-Un who has an approval rating of 100%, I have an approval rating of 120%, 150%, 1200%, 20000%. It’s amazing because it’s true. Yesterday I was called by the Nobel committee, they were crying and told me they made the biggest mistake of their lives, they said ‘Mr president, how can we correct our mistake, we are so stupid, we are so dumb’ and I said yes you are, make a new Nobel prize called ‘the best person who ever lived’ and they will and give it to me. Putin called me, Xi called me, they asked me 'Mr president, you are doing so well, you are so amazing, would you like to be president of our countries too, would you be world president? And I said yes. The pope called me, he said God wasn’t worthy anymore, he asked me if the church could replace all instances of Jesus with images of me, and if I would want to be pope pharaoh as I am the only person in the world who is better than God. And I said yes. My approval ratings are ‘one hundred million dollars’ and I’m going to build a laser on the moon, it’s amazing, it’s true. "