Hey NSA, I hear you’re collecting a lot of data for me. Any chance you got some of those old saved games I lost about 6 years ago?

In fact why not run a free government backup service? My tax dollars pay for those hard drives. I’m sure a lot of people would use it. In fact go a step further and offer free email, office software, operating systems, and I’ll bet you can have all the data you could ever want because people would simply hand it over to you without having to be sneaky about it at all.

Wait a minute…

There’s an old saying, “any piece of software mature enough will read email”. This is no longer true; today, any software mature enough will have a copy of Snapchat’s stories.

I don’t know why you would use stories on Signal/WhatsApp/Telegram/Fluffychat, but apparently it’s something people want.

If your smart washing machine doesn’t have a Stories button, it’s simply not finished yet. Take it as an indicator that you’ve bought alpha quality software.

Other appliances like smart fridges and cars are nearly there, just wait a few more years.

I wish my data was only being sold to the NSA. Arguably, of every bit of data getting stolen and sold off to malicious entities, the NSA is pretty low on that list for me to care about.

Is that the twilight zone episode where everyone was ugly? I could be completely wrong lol, it’s been years since I’ve seen it

If these smart washers are so damn smart, how come my shirts still have pit stains?

I will stick with my speed queen washer and hotpoint dryer thank you very much.

Dude, I didn’t know Kate McKinnon was in Twilight zone!