Yeah except each acute episode is typically compounded and they’ll steadily get less and less of themselves back after each one. More people really need to compare “I feel robotic” to the three patients we’ve had inpatient over a year (even a week was too much for me) who need nursing home level of hygiene care because they’re constantly covered in their own bodily fluids but no nursing home will take them because they’re too confused to safely tolerate anyone touching them without being heavily medicated.
One of them will fall asleep with a hoard of papers they stole from other patients in the dayroom, then be too confused to get out of bed to go to the bathroom. So they just soak the entire bed and pile of papers in urine then scream at you when you try to get them out of bed or take away the urine soaked papers. The skin of their genitals will go through stages of red and peeling until we can keep them medicated enough for a few days to let us keep them clean and apply barrier cream until it heals, but we can’t keep them that medicated all the time because they’d fall and crack their head open. If we try to clean them without medication they scream hit and try to wrestle with you while soaked in their own bodily fluids.
More people need to know that that’s their future if they keep letting manic and psychotic episodes burn their brain out like an overclocked CPU. idc if the lamictal makes me feel a little flat, it’s better than being so far gone I can’t toilet myself OR even let someone else help me.
Because mild but overmedicated cases are completely unheard of?
Oh wait, no, they’re just not documented, unlike when inpatients misbehave.
People who are not medicated enough are very easy to spot. People who are overmedicated are not, because they don’t make a fuzz.
What are your feelings on lobotomy?
I know an undiagnosed bipolar guy. The highs are so high, and he’s such a wonderful person. The lows are so low, and come on so fast, and last too long, and he’s a miserable person to be around. And just as you think maybe the growing distance should be made larger and permanent, he’s on a high again and it’s really easy to forget the low period.
I can see how meds are tough to get right.
For many people, the highs are the problem. Some people spend all their money, some people let complete strangers move in, and some people think God has told them they can fly and jump off a building. Mania, man.
Mine had me believing everyone in the world was out to get me, while simultaneously I felt like the smartest person in existence. Like everyone around me was on a plane below mine, not even close to what I was. The only constant was the love for my cats, they were my emotional anchor.
I think back, I was so cold and calculated with people during that time. You couldn’t talk to me without me pointing out the flaw and corruption in everything you discussed with me, I found a way. I don’t even think I was wrong about much when I did that, but nobody wants to hear it on repeat. In every conversation. I sucked the positive emotion away from anything because I hated the world.
My point being, during a manic episode you can easily convince yourself that everyone else is wrong or incompetent. The meds can very well be bad and dulling, that’s why there are so many. So you can find one that helps you more than it hurts you. That episode tore my life apart in the matter of a week, and I was excited for it.
Yep. I had a friend who, when she would get the “up” she’d engage in very risky sex with whoever was around. Then when she’d come down she’d hate herself for it and have to deal with the fallout.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m sex positive. Do what you want with who you want. I just see how much it hurt her to constantly be getting std tests and spending all that money on plan b and fucking up her cycle.
There’s a difference between being sex positive and being okay with someone “self harming” with sex. I don’t think you should need to specify you are sex positive, just like someone shouldn’t need to say “I think water is important to drink but you should avoid drowning in it”
You’re probably right. I just prefer to err on the side of over explaining that I never have a problem with what any adult is doing with any other consenting adult.
Oh yeah for sure. This guy would get so excited about things and ended up with some expensive stuff …
I have an ex that was like that. It took me way too long to end that relationship, and kind of fucked me up for future ones because when things were good with her they were REALLY good and I end up comparing more recent partners to that, which isn’t fair but I can’t figure out how to not do it and everyone since then has felt so dull by comparison.
My last manic episode didn’t have any euphoria, the only emotions I felt at all were the physical sensations I got from being high. One of several reasons why I think I’m not actually bipolar, I’m just an autistic guy who loves drugs
Definitely! Here’s what I’ve learned. (by the way, this is JUST for me. I’m well aware that what doesn’t work for me may work for others)
Seroquel, depakote, litihum, haldol, and lamictal are all poison.
what
how is this relevant
I’ve also had numerous fantasies of poisoning my friends and family with my bipolar meds. Sadly, there are these things called “laws”, so I’ve never even seriously considered doing it.
The most regularly occurring fantasy involves me poisoning my father with seroquel. That was the first fantasy I got, way back in 2009. I imagined laughing at him and telling him he still sounded manic after being borderline comatose after I duct taped him to a chair and funneled seroquel down his throat.
I know what you’re thinking…“BRO…you need therapy…” well guess what, there are few things I love more than lying to doctors
I bet you couldn’t even steal 700 shopping carts.
You know you should not lie to the doctors? They are the only people who can really help you.
Even about not taking meds. You will find a proper way for you. They will not punish you for not taking meds. They will maybe help you find better meds or even help you get rod of them in a healthy way.
Because from your comments: This is not healthy.
TBH I have rarely lied to my doctors. But I’ve always wanted to. I just didn’t have the guts to do it, so I took their pills without complaining. Don’t get me wrong, I am 100% going to start lying to doctors from now on. These days, my shrink and my therapist hear only what I want them to hear.
Do not do that. You will not get punished. They are there to help you. They will help you figure your best way forward. They will perscribe you different medicine or they will even help you figure out a strategy so you do not have to take meds.
This is very common. People stop taking meds because they hate side effects. And then the sickness wins. And people like you kill themselves or other. This is very common. And your feelings regarding this topic are common.
But there are many different meds that can help you in different ways with different possible more bareable side effects. Do not do it. Some random stranger (me) here, probably on the other side of yhe world cares for you. Do not endanger yourself or people around you just because you hate some side effects. Just be honest with you therapist and you will figure everything out together. You can even aks for your therapist to be changed. But please discuss this with proffessionals.
I’m just a little burned out at this point because the side effects have lasted 17 years and are the main reason why I am completely unemployable because I haven’t worked in a decade. I was not even motivated to change my clothes or brush my teeth, let alone apply for jobs.
Understandably! Those sound as the signs of depression. If it is caused by meds those should most probably be changed. And I really do not envy your situation. However the only way forward is with a professional. They will now how to advice you. You can DM me if you need someone to talk to. (Just note I usually respond only once a day)
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My buddy had a serious manic episode years ago; it was really scary and got him into some legal trouble. Along with some of his friends and family, I came down to attempt him to convince him to enter treatment. It took HOURS, and just as we were losing hope of getting through to him, a switch flipped in his head and he said “alright let’s do this!” And we got him to an inpatient treatment center.
They had him on lithium for a while. I hated it (internally, I didn’t want to fuck up his treatment) because he was so robotic and lethargic whenever we chatted. He told me how he didn’t like how it was making him feel at all. It felt like he went from one extreme to the other. That said, he was honest with his doctors and as he continued to do well, they adjusted his meds. It’s been years now. He’s back to the guy I remember from college. He’s stayed out of trouble, met and married a great woman, and found a career.
Most people don’t become doctors for malicious reasons. Sure some do it for status or money, but they’re still a profession centered around helping people. They take an oath. I’d encourage you to find a doctor you can trust and follow their guidance and treatment. My friend’s doctors gave him his life back when he was on a path to destruction.
He’s back to the guy I remember from college
Me too. I’m the guy I remember from college as well. I didn’t remember that guy until about six weeks ago when I went cold turkey on all the bipolar meds I’d been on since 2009.
My concern with that is you may be experiencing the high of a manic episode. I’m no doctor, but when my buddy was manic it ultimately led him to doing some self-destructive things. He got himself fired from a job by calling his boss some horrible things in front of the entire staff, he’d burn his money on nonsensical get rich quick schemes, and ultimately he got nabbed for driving intoxicated and attempting to flee from the scene.
I think he’d be in a worse spot if he just told the doctors what he thought they wanted to hear rather than advocating for himself and working with them to get himself to a point where he’s on meds to guard him from burning himself out on a manic tear while also not so heavily medicated he’s a zombie. It can be done! Good luck, stranger
It started in June and peaked on November 30, when I relapsed and screamed at the staff (I live in a residential treatment program because I had a TBI three years ago). I told them I wanted to be taken to a safe house because I was in danger. On Thanksgiving, I was convinced that my dad paid a hitman to kill me three years ago because he wasn’t as rich as he used to be and he was tired of supporting me financially.
On Thanksgiving night, my dad was really fucking pissed at me because I was so manic, but the truth is I was fucking overjoyed because he didn’t kill me. (I thought my dad came to my house to finish the job because he’d been stalking my FB, so he knew about the accusations I made)
Oof, sorry to hear about the TBI, that definitely doesn’t help with symptoms. It sounds like you recognize some of the red flags in your behavior. I don’t know you, but isn’t it possible he’s worried about you and frustrated? It’s mentally and physically exhausting caring for and getting help for loved ones (my dad has dementia, it’s tough). Just be careful with yourself. Manic states quiet the analytical centers of the brain and limit meta cognition. My friend didn’t realize how illogical and destructive he was behaving until he came down, it may be the same for you. I’ll just reiterate my urge to be honest with your doctors and seek treatment.
Just like with physics, “what goes up, must come down”. I’d hate for you to be ill prepared for that moment.
I don’t live with my dad anymore. I’m on my own…sort of. I’m in a residential program. But aside for the people who come by for morning and evening meds, I am 100% on my own, so I am free to spend every waking hour doing the thing I love…shitposting all over social media
Haha, you and me both.
OP seems kinda manic in the comments
I’m withdrawing from THC (which makes me hypomanic) and I drink way too much coffee (which makes me hypomanic). So I’m not manic, but I am hypomanic X 2, which is close.
Your doctor shit my pants
Sounds like something he’d do tbh.
If I’m being perfectly honest, though, I really liked seeing my old doctor, I didn’t sour on him until recently when I got off the wrong medication and all the memories came back
Tbh I bet you suck at stealing shopping carts
are you talking about the shopping cart theory? i always put my carts back where i got them from
I knew you fucking sucked at stealing shopping carts
lmaoooo. i’ve just been conditioned to return the carts by my parents. if my parents weren’t such morally upstanding people, i’m sure i would never return them.
I understand that drugs do wonders for many neurodivergent people.
But it didn’t for me and stories like this is why i am really worried about the sentiment in general.
You’re born neurodivergent, in a neurotypical world. Destined to feel different, to be perceived an outcast. To have the supposed norms of how humans are and behave not fit how you function.
But as a child and teen. What do you known about who you are? How humans are supposed to behave. You still have to learn it all.
So during this time of trying to understand yourself, the world, exploring your own personality. They recommend drugs that inhibit parts of your growing mental system.
And so you may mature and grow up, never knowing who you really are to begin with.
Alright but my neurodivergence makes the sun too bright, makes my clothes too itchy, and makes food taste too loud, and if they tell me they have a pill that can make that a little easier, then I’ll take it.
It’s not just a “neurotypical world”, I am disabled and I need a ramp to access places.
Sadly enough the pills rarely help with that, its usually made so you can “peform” like everyone else. (In my experience)
I definitely understand your sentiment, I struggle with many of the same thing.
The thing with perspective is, Imagine a world where:
Humans evolved to be more active during evening, night and morning because midday is too bright for everyone.
Where all clothes where made from no itch materials because everyone hates the itchy ones and therefor wont produce clothes with it.
The meal recipe tell you to add x because otherwise it tastes “too loud” and language evolved for people to have a mutual known understanding of what is meant with that.
Etc
In this world we would not be disabled, you would not need a ramp.
But this world is not any different from the one we live in now. The only difference is people like us being the norm therefore human culture adapts to those norms.
My favoriete example is things like a keyboard, it’s so obviously made for 2 hands. Not having 2 hands is a disability in context of a keyboard but we can just build a different keyboard. The keyboard is not the world. That we can build any kind of keyboard is the world.
This is what i mean with “neurotypical world” normal people don’t understand there are others that need things to be different so they never are. Even when they can be.
Anyway if you are an adult and medication helps you i am not going to object, you are your own expert a you know what is best for you.
I kinda agree just not fully, for instance for something like adhd you might get bored of something you really wanted to get good at, and your brain will just not allow you to do it. A regular person might get bored, an adhd person will be incapable of doing it for almost any reason. It’s a different and valuable way of seeing the world, but you would still be “disabled” in some ways, even in a perfect world.
Alright it just bugs me when people say autism isn’t a disability, or that it’s just society that needs to understand us, and actually the diagnosis is like how people used to view homosexuality as a disorder…
Like if you guys keep that up you’re gonna get my disability payments taken away.
Disabilities being contextual does not invalidate their existence.
We do not live in an autistic world, hence we face daily challenges of all sizes. Your benefits are a compensation for these challenges.
wtf is an “autistic world”, a planet further from the sun?
Its not about the planet.
It’s about the society we live in.
Nothing we do is normal, every step of our lives is shaped by human made culture living in human made houses, working for a human made economy.
It is a “world” shaped by and for the majority norm, which by evolutionary dice is “neurotypical”
The example of an autistic world would be the same society but if the majority norm was autistic. Wed have building build by autistic humans for autistic humans. Wed design stores and public places to fit our needs.
Things would be catered to our needs instead of ignored.
Imagine if some human group survived evolution with still having a tail and has lived separate from us. Their culture might involve their tail. Some of their tools might be tail operated. If all humans had a tail except a few then this few would be disabled, but there not because the majority does not.
My point is, disabilities are very real. But their experience is not caused by the individual itself being broken/sick but by “how different” they are compared to the people around them.
I’ve never been diagnosed with bipolar disorder, but we have a very healthy family history.
It’s obviously a great feeling, but “There are things that I am passionate about” can be the worrying part, can tend to end up a little too passionate.
The bipolar meds made me forget I was interested in language. I was a linguistics major. I majored in linguistics because I’ve had a lifelong fascination with langauge.
Ninja edit: I was on bipolar meds throughout grad school, which is why I was fired twice in a year for gross incompetence and haven’t worked for the last ten years.
I’ve seen stuff like that happen, it’s rough.
There’s a very fine line between “I don’t care about anything” and “I care about this thing so much that I’m yelling on the street casually waving around this revolver”. That second part is unfortunately sourced from personal experience when someone I cared about was not on their meds. The worst part is how quickly the mood can shift.
I’ll never fully understand your struggle, but I know it’s rough and I hope you’re doing better.
