My brother and I have been best friends for most of our lives. He’s so much fun to hang out with, has a great degree of emotional intelligence, and I’m just so proud of him.
Very distant
We’re both in our 40s now with my sister being 4 yrs younger.
I recently went to a therapy thing that dug up allot of the past. This made me reach out to her to see if it was as bad as I remembered.
Turns out it was way worse with her having a similar journey just before me. We sat in the pub drinking coffee and chatting for 5 hours.
During that conversation we realises thar even to this day our parents were manipulating us to keep is distant.
The worst manipulation was when our kids were young we had a silly argument over you forgot to get my kid a present for a birthday (we hadn’t just not gotten it to a mutual drop off point with it. Usually my dads) pater that yr my youngest landed in hospital forest of the year. Thought she was going tondie levels of terrified.
They manipulate her with that stupid argument to make her terrified to visit. She did phone the hospital for updates but avoided talking to us while my parents made comments to me about her not being interested.
I don’t think we will ever be close but we are in a way better place and now know the shit our parents are pulling to better avoid the traps.
Stay together strong! 💪 You both made a great first step, you will not regret it.
There was no grand falling out or anything. Our paths just diverged as we got older. However I do fins myself wondering how much of that was natural
Me and my siblings have a similar situation. Always talk directly, never through your parents. Always verify what they tell you. Always meet up at a neutral place, no visiting parents on their “terf”. They are a guest at your place, it makes a world of difference. :)
My sister went full blown right wing “Christian “ Trumper. We barely talk. Haven’t seen each other in years
Nearly my entire family went full-tilt Trump and it blew me away. He was everything I had always been taught not to be and here was my family, that I loved, all head-over-heels for this conman.
I withdrew from the family and stopped talking anything politics with them for years. It’s only been the last year or so that everyone in my family has woken up to what a pathetic girfter Trump is. Everyone except my brother who I don’t talk to anymore. I hope some day he grows up and realizes how many vulnerable people he has to hurt to feel like an “alpha”.
I miss him. He used to be a genuinely sweet person.
When people tell you who they are: believe them
I’m the oldest of a big (real big. Crazy big) family.
I don’t get along with all of my siblings, but more in a “we don’t hang out” kinda way, not a “please die in a fire” way.
Our family reunions are the stuff of legend. Days of hanging out; taking turns cooking meals for an army; hours spent swapping stories and just enjoying hanging out together.
My best friend in the world is one of my brothers. I could spend years just hanging out with him. (I mean, we did, growing up, but I’m still not sick of it.)
My siblings and I don’t see eye to eye on everything. We all have gone down different life paths as the years have gone by. Some of us are very liberal and some are very conservative. Some of us live in major cities, others in the heart of the country. Some are atheists and some are devout.
We aren’t perfect. There have been cruel words spoken, tears shed. I’ve broken up fistfights (…and been in a couple myself).
Growing up, my mother taught us how to talk things through. How to start from a fight and finish as friends. She set us an amazing example that I am trying to teach to my own children.
My family is one of the best things in my life. I love my siblings and my parents. I know not everyone gets a happy family. My wife really didn’t. I’m not sharing this to brag. I just want to say that… It’s out there. A family that loves each other and largely gets along is possible. I don’t know if we’re a fluke of nature or a miracle of nurture.
But next year is our family reunion. And I can’t wait.
we get along fine but we’re not close
If that fucker wants a glass of water I might throw some ice cubes at his face, if I like him that day.
But the second he needs a new heart I’ll rip out mine with my own hands if I have to. (Don’t you dare tell him that though, I’ll deny even thinking about it)Distant in all the ways that matter, but we check in every once and a while.
When I say every once and a while, I saw one of my brothers about 5 years ago… after not having seen him for nearly 20.
My sister doesn’t talk to me because I told our mother that her child (she put her up for adoption when she was born because my sister was YOUNG) is alive and wants to connect. I haven’t seen my sister in more than a decade
My eldest brother is the closest, and I’ll be seeing him soon. I know almost nothing about his personal life, and probably won’t see him again for at least a year
We’re all extremely different people
Great. My older bro is one of my best friends. He lives halfway across the country but I’m excited for him to move much closer next year when their lease is up. My younger brother and I play Xbox nearly every day together even though he lives 12 hours away. My two younger sisters live two houses down and we are very close. My older sister lives about 40 min away and is probably the sibling I am most distant from emotionally but we still get along and see each other several times a year.
That’s why there’s so many only childs in this thread. You took all the siblings!
NullPointerException
We’re pretty distant. I’m older but only by 17 months. I love my sister and wish her well but I don’t trust her enough to be close with her. Our mother really did a number on us and I have to be very careful what I tell her, because I don’t have any faith she won’t share it with our mom. And it’s a shame because if we could talk honestly I think we’d have a lot to commiserate on. As it stands we trade texts very occasionally, mostly focused on nostalgia for some TV show or game we played as kids. Never anything more personal than that. It’s usually months between texts.
Her dog died and I wanted to send a sympathy text, but my mother asked me not to because she wasn’t supposed to tell anyone the dog died… well then why on earth did you tell me!!!
We are two women in our forties still goosestepping around a difficult mom who I strongly suspect is borderline, and because of the way she treated us growing up, our sibling relationship basically became collateral damage.
I get along with my sister and her family just fine. I don’t really talk with her or my parents much, maybe a few times a year, despite only being a couple hours drive down the highway. I know she talks to my parents weekly, but I mostly just keep to myself.
I haven’t seen or spoken with my siblings in several years. I was always the black sheep among my sibling group and when my parents divorced, it basically just made it that much more concrete.
Personally I don’t regret it, though every now and then I wonder how they’re getting on with life.
We call each other and catch up occasionally, text here and there, send Christmas and birthday gifts, meet up when I’m in town. My brother used to be my best friend when we were kiddos.
We’re practically Blood
familyOdd.
I love my sibling - but they’re kind of an asshole. There isn’t any real malice behind it, or at least I’d like to think so, but they just do not consider the opinions, feelings or needs of others at all. A little bit of that is healthy. I’m talking to an unhealthy degree. It has repeatedly bit them in the ass, and was a major factor in torpedoing what could have been a good career before it could get going, so thoroughly that they’ll likely never work in the field they trained for.
In the last couple years, they’ve at least started to learn when it’s best to just keep their mouth shut, but it was a long time coming.
At their core, they are not a bad person, but I always find myself frustrated with something after spending time with them, which is upsetting. I really wish this wasn’t the case.
