What is the difference between a complaint and a statement? If theres anyone with a better set of social skills here to help a dude out lol
Ie when you’re chilling watching TV and somebody asks you to go out, but you respond with no thanks, I’m tired. Would stating you’re tired be considered a complaint?
Just had a similar action with an NT friend, who says I complain about being tired a lot. When I look back and I never bring it up unprompted, and they comment on my mood so i tell them whats up… is there some social thing which simply stating you feel negative is seen as a complaint?
Edit: thanks so much for all the comments! I should have been more specific, the examples I gave were not my actual experiences. In fact if I were to be more specific, it’s my roommate that made me think about this, and they never want to go out lol. But I can still gain some insight from the comments! But it was much more generalized. Actual interaction: we are going about our day and my roommate casually asks “hey how are ya” and I respond “a bit tired!” And they remark on how I complain about being tired a lot. Which surprised me because I was answering their question, and not getting long winded into it. Then it dawned on me maybe simply stating I feel negative is seen as a complaint by people. Iunno.
Great answers already!
Touching another point: when you hear “always” it could be literally about the frequency. Saying “I’m tired not this evening” will be perceived as a complaint when it’s the sixths night in a row for example.
The social clues are hard to spot I admit: often, “how are you” for example only has very few socially acceptable answers. That depends on your country and social environment though.
If you have a close friend within that group I recommend just asking them! Showing that you are conscious of their feedback will most likely be very well received.
I love that you’re learning and listening!
Good luck, friend :)
Sidenote: If someone asks how I do, I tell them. In a friendly and not detailed way but thats all I can muster. If thats ok for them, great. If not, their problem.
I‘m the first person to jump if someone is in a chrisis but I cant be bothered to play these games.
Make any sense?
Yeah makes sense. I suggest though you check in on yourself with one part: “if not, their problem”
Hypothesis: If that’s the case you wouldn’t have created the OP.
This is intended purely as food for thought so - chances are high that I’m straight wrong. Still worth thinking about it in my opinion, just to be sure!
I’m not sure I understand you correctly.
I do care what others feel. But their assumptions are not my concern. Does that make clearer?
If I ask you how you feel, I want the truth, nothing else. If you want to tell me, fine. If you dont want to tell me, fine as well.
What I intended to say is that it’s possible that you do care about their assumptions - more precisely how they behave based on their assumptions.
Because if that is the case than it could be worth the energy to train social reaction patterns (if that’s possible at all, excuse my lack of knowledge!)
The more you learn about your own reactions the better you know where to spend the very limited amount of emotional energy every person has - that’s the reason why I brought it up in the first place.
To put it in another way: assumptions and feelings are very closely related and exploring this connection could be time and energy well spent.
If you have a close person who knows you well you could ask them this question by the way - at least for me it’s sometimes easier to see patterns for others than within myself!
I see. But I dont think I do. Assumptions are very rarely a good thing and I dont think I want to learn something like being less direct for some dance.
Maybe the others want to learn to be more direct and truthful.
yeah, that’s what i was thinking. if they’re unhappy with your response, it’s likely less that you complained too much, and more that they feel you aren’t making enough of an effort to hang out with them.
if you’ve put them off a few times in a row, even with good reason, they’ll start to feel like you don’t care if you don’t go out of your way to make time for them.