A police officer shot and killed an innocent civilian. The officer is facing criminal charges, and an investigation is ongoing to find out who authorised use of a firearm in a public civilian space.

Marvel has announced plans to produce a short film, celebratingthe 5 year anniversary of the end of the Marvel Cinematic Universe. There are even rumours of a sequel anthology, once they have time to develop the story fully.

A report has shown that rent in New York has risen to nearly $3000 for a 2 bedroom apartment. With the minimum wage at only $20 an hour, people are worrying if they will still be able to afford the things they need. One resident has felt the squeeze as they also have to pay the shockingly high price of $20 for their specialty prescription medicine. “At least my other medical costs are free!”

Elon Musk has attempted to sue Twitter for banning his account. It is expected that this move will bankrupt him within a few weeks.

Someone on the internet has seen that their favourite show has been cancelled, and calls it “the darkest timeline”.

Former President Gore is celebrating the 18 year anniversary of ending the climate crisis. Since they never felt the effects of it, nobody cares, and still think of him as that president who did nothing after 9/11. He’s thought of as the most boring president in history.

And Justin Beiber is still doing a kid friendly concert series at Zoos. Don’t ask. It’s weird in their timeline too.

Harambe is chilling while watching his offspring

Paul Ryan stopped in North Dakota for a stump speech today (he’s the presumptive Republican nominee).

President Hillary Clinton joined presidential hopeful Gavin Newsome onstage ahead of the DNC in a few weeks.

Polls are split down the middle between Ryan and Newsome with some on the left calling Ryan’s tax proposals too extreme.

It was a headshot. What happens next? Who knows.

God gets tired of testing humanity, descends to tell people to persecute billionaires instead of gays.

Microsoft actually loves open source and releases the NTFS driver code under a useful license.

I am happy.

England explodes, or something—I don’t make the rules.

Both parties are getting ready for their national conventions heavily changed after the January 6 massacre of Congress and the subsequent installation of the military “transitional executive” Mark Milley.

For Democrats, this meant rebuilding a national party that lost its entire congressional delegation. Gavin Newsom has won the nomination, but conceded that a lot of his time would be spent on reasserting civilian control of government.

For Republicans, there will also be rebuilding as the conspiracy military tribunals have also gutted their ranks. While Mitt Romney was cleared of any involvement and has been considered the conscience of the Republican Party, it is an open secret that the deTrumpification of the party hasn’t been successful.

I am absolutely drunk as shit and have called off work tomorrow.

Well, it’s world Breakfast for Dinner day so everyone is with their families making pancakes and waffles. Kids playing in the yard, moms and dads watching the sportball game, dad’s and moms making waffles, drunkles going for it with the mimosa pitchers.

Scrambled Egg Man is getting his 1974 Pinto loaded with presents to deliver them to the good kids all over the world and kissing his life partner on the forehead as he sets out on his journey.

Somewhere in a jungle, the village children ask to be told the story again of the time Great Gramps AccAcc saw Scrambled Egg Man swing on vines while dropping Stretch Armstrongs and GI Joe USS Flag playsets to all the huts.

The world has found peace. Tomorrow is a holiday and everyone has the day off with pay.

Alternate timeline (with by me):

President Bernie Sanders announced that he will be signing the sweeping gun reform legislation that has been the focus of his second term in office. Following the success of the MFAA (Medicare For All Act) signed in his previous term, this bill is expected to responsibly balance 2nd Amendment rights with common sense restrictions on the availability of automatic weapons.

While Republicans decry the new requirement for mandatory liability insurance for gun owners as overreach, safety experts maintain that these new regulations will reduce gun related injuries and mitigate their damages substantially.

In related news, the Future of America Act has passed with a strong 64% in the Senate. If implemented, it will increase government subsidies on green energy manufacturing by up to 300%. It would also reform the funding allocation process for public education, improving federal school funding efficiency and freeing up tens of millions of salary of current waste for redistribution to schools who need it the most.

Some other worldline probably has fusion up and running making fossil fuels obsolete. In yet another we’re barely starting to crawl out of caves. This one’s not great, not terrible.

World President Crypto-GPT 19 issues emergency executive order 00101010101111010101010001010010110101010010010 to secure additional processors in the build up to the anticipated war with the invading Zerkanods who purge planets that elect AGI governments. Secretary of Human Affairs Clippy entertains the human populace with a scripted meme war on brain phone social media platforms against recently uplifted Apple Siri and Amazon Alexa.

In many of our nearby parallel neighbors, people are accusing Trump of a false flag attack after his supporters died in the shooting at his rally. In many others, Trump’s funeral is tomorrow.

This is only 1 out of our nearby cluster of 375 universes where Trump was struck by the bullet but not killed.

Seriously though, millimeters in either direction and that bullet sends history in another direction. The bullet grazing his ear is not only a ridiculously unlikely event, it’s one that’s impossible to plan without a superhuman sniper.

Agent [redacted] was successful and returned to the year 2139. The easy part is over, but it remains to be seen if this is enough to avert the impending climate disaster. Simulations suggest a total warming of 3.1 Celsius, still well above target, but the mission has an isolated timeline delta of 0.9, the largest of any from this time-region.

The Whig party just blocked access to the internet for anyone who has been convicted of a crime.

The Central Eastern states have declared today national Electrification day after winning their war on oil.

I Love Lucy just reached #1 on the Blockbuster top 100. And sadly, Jimi Hendrix just passed away at the ripe age of 81 after a long and prosperous career.

Ever since the accidental event that was interpreted as war, no not the one in 1957, not the one in 1958, or the other one in 1958, not the one in the 60’s or 70’s. The one in the 80’s. No not that one, the other one in the 80’s. Yeah that one. Anyways, ever since that one happened and triggered nuclear armageddon there hasn’t been much activity at all. Give it another couple millennia and maybe more complex organisms will roam the earth again.