I do like large gatherings, but I don’t really do well meeting people and making friends in them. I find it too chaotic and difficult to “be myself” with so many people. I also feel there tends to be more shallow conversation in these settings making it great for banter and social energy but less great for connecting and getting to know new folks.
I am looking to meet new people to be friends, as in capital F friend, not just a random person I know. Someone who wants to hit me up and go do something fun, check in on me and see how I’m doing, etc.
How do you go about meeting people and finding social settings that foster deeper connections?
I feel super “scared”(?) In places and moments where their are more then 7 to 8 person, I can’t tell why much. Even this year at Christmas in family, I took the charge of taking care and taking time with my very young nephews so that my brother and his wife could appreciate the moment and I was in a a bit safer place far away from the big group.
Anyway, what I did is, make my own events, fuck it, I’ll do it myself in smaller commities. I invite friends in groups of 4 to 5 max, for board games events where sometimes there’s even prizes (Moondrop Quarks, I’m not that rich). Or I started my own DnD campaign, where I told my best friend “fuck it, I’ll start it, you bring some people” I would still say I am feeling a bit alone, although I’de say I have a decent quantity of friends, but I still feel horribly bad in bigger events, and I often leave early and feel bad because of that Hope it helped
I met one of my closest friends on r/needafriend. Turns out, she lived like a 10 minute walk from me - and we met up over some food.
On paper, our friendship shouldn’t work. We have little in common in terms of activities and goals. But we know how to make each other laugh and ‘get’ each other’s personality. Been like 9 years.
Whether it’s Reddit, Lemmy, Discord or some other platform - there’s definitely people out there looking for the same things. Online is a good place to start.
See if your closest city has a ‘Speed Friending’ event. Here in Boston, we have “Skip the Small Talk” and you get seated with a stranger and a dialogue prompt. I found that to be really effective too.
Volunteering is a fantastic way to meet amazing people.
I think I read somewhere that friends are made at places where you’re both obligated to be. That’s why so many friends are made at school or uni, or later in life, work. Personally I tried stand up comedy and had success in meeting friends. Funny people like funny people. My brother found friends in theatre groups. My friend meets his mates at football clubs, and my partner meets her friends as a twitch streamer at meetups.
Community theater is a great way to meet people. Go be in a play. It’s loads of fun.
Small gatherings! I joined a gaming group on meetup that averages 3-8 people a week. It’s not required that you go every week, so there’s usually a unique mix of people. Board game groups seem to be the millennial version of going to the bar every Friday.
I’m glad you brought this up. So my brother tried this and had limited success with it, which made me dismiss the thiught. I love the idea but I’m worried because I like board games but I’m not a “nerd” with them. Do you think I would fit in if I was more of a casual board gamer?
That’s totally fine 😊 In my group, there’s a small handful who are really into games and buy everything. They pick up lots of games from Etsy and Kickstarter that no one’s heard of before and teach us how to play. Last week it was Wizard Kittens which took maybe 5 minutes to learn.
The most important thing though when trying to make friends is accepting failure. Instead of automatically dismissing it, just try it out and see whether or not it’s worth your time. Even if you find out it’s not for you, there may be someone there who can direct you towards a different hobby.
- Find your local facebook group. (Or some alternative to this.)
- Make a group chat with description like “let’s go for a walk together time to time, to make new friendships”. Hopefully a lot of people shall join the group, most of them as lurkers.
- Write there st like “Let’s go for a short walk this evening, start at [time, place]”. Hopefully somebody shall come and they will be a cool person.
Somebody did this a few months ago in my student dorms’ group. Since then, we’ve been meeting ~1 a week. Allways a bit different group, everyone knows that everyone is here to make friendships, so the ices are broken. The group tends to be small-ish, as it’s called usually few hours in advance. The feeling is very good. And I have one person from there, with who we’re getting to be good friends.
You still go to large gatherings, but you don’t make friends there. You just meet people who you may decide to then try to become friends with. You’d do that in smaller gatherings or by arranging a 1:1 meetup.
I’d suggest trying to get involved with social aspects of hobbies. Some hobby stores can have regulars. There are often local groups or events posted on sites like meetup. Another thing is taking a class which might be about a hobby or as a way to start a hobby.
There might also just be social settings that don’t have large crowds. If you happen to be religious interact with that community more.
Interacting with people doesn’t mean they’ll turn into a friend but the key to forming a friendship is regular positive interactions. All actual friends are going to start off with “someone you just know”.
As a side it could help to manage your social battery a bit. Personally working from home has done wonders for me.
