I’m in my late 20s now and I feel so much despair.
I think a huge factor that shaped my world is my breakup almost 3 years ago. I had dated several people, actually more than several, before then.
I feel like people think I am delusional when I say this, but he was genuinely the nicest person I’ve ever met in my life. I don’t understand how it’s possible for someone to have actually cared about me to the extent he did. At times I felt like he actually cared about me more than my own mom did. It wasn’t just that, he was intelligent and hilarious too and we had a lot in common.
Unfortunately I wasn’t good enough for him and he didn’t want to continue the relationship. This basically fundamentally broke me.
I had my share of heartbreaks before, but even when I met him, I was basically at my breaking point with love. I remember telling myself this was my last try (because I was so done). To this day I literally have no idea how I could have so much in common with someone. It’s like we completely agreed on almost every aspect in life. Did he just lie to me or agree with everything I said or something?
Apparently he has also had random acquaintances tell him he’s a breath of fresh air and so nice to be around compared to most people, so it’s not just me.
I really don’t know what to do other than cry about losing him. I’ve tried so hard to find happiness for myself but how could I let something like that go?
My life hasn’t gotten any better since then and I honestly think I am hopeless. Genuinely.
Literally everyone pales in comparison to what I had with him. Even though what I had clearly wasn’t real, because ultimately he clearly didn’t feel the same about me since he chose to leave. It felt real to me, talking to him is the most enjoyable thing I had experienced in my life.
This all sounds extremely sad and pathetic but really what am I supposed to do? I bet most people haven’t even come close to meeting someone like him so they can’t relate to this at all. I am going to sound insane again but I think he is some prodigy or something. Like one of those one in a million once in a lifetime people that most won’t even get the chance to meet.
As someone who has told his partner that she is not as pretty as I would like her to be, I wholeheartedly disagree with you that someone telling their girlfriend that makes them a bad person.
There are people who appreciate unconditional honesty. I also know that I’m not as pretty as she would like me to be. It’s a simple reality that we’re both not perfectly attractive.
There are people in the world who truly appreciate unconditional honesty, who don’t care about “sparing someone’s feelings” by lying to them.
My partner also knows I love her very much. She also knows I don’t really care very much about her not being perfectly pretty. She also knows her worth isn’t dependent on being pretty or not. We’re perfectly happy together, she would tell you the same thing. Incidentally, we also believe in polyamory and are both not jealous of our partner having relations with other people. We both like to get our fix of “more pretty” from other people.
In my opinion, it’s absolutely useless to believe you are pretty when you are not. There are so many ways to make yourself look prettier, but you won’t do those if you already believe you’re perfectly pretty. Acknowledging reality is not a bad thing.
I didn’t endorse being delusional about your looks. I told her to stop disparaging herself.
Any man who leaves his romantic partner with the thought that she is unloveable trash is not a good guy.
Congratulations on your relationship and being able to insult one anothers looks and still respect one another. This is clearly not the case with OP. Thank you for reinforcing that she isn’t pretty and introducing the novel idea that she can make herself look prettier if she only puts in effort!
Not helpful, but thank you for your opinion!
It is clearly the case with OP though, isn’t it? She literally said that she’s fine with him saying that he doesn’t find her that pretty, it’s only that he led her on which she doesn’t like:
to which you respond that he clearly is a bad person:
That is the only thing I’m disagreeing with here. I didn’t say I disagree with anything else.
I’m disagreeing with you on this point because replacing the current wrong reality (he is completely amazing) with another wrong reality (he is completely terrible) is not the way to go, and anyway, will not work. But even if it works, your approach of calling him a bad person and comparing him with psycho stalkers is not the right approach, so, in return, I could also say that you’re not being helpful. He is quite obviously a flawed human being, but I definitely see no major evidence of him being a bad person either.