My wife and I are 31, no kids yet. We moved from a major city back to our home state and are struggling to make friends here.
We keep an eye on meetup postings and Facebook events, stuff like that, no luck. We went to a local board game night and it was all elderly people. Nothing wrong with that but not exactly what we’re looking for.
Where we lived before we attended a church we liked and met people there, but churches in our area are a lot different/more political than we’re used to.
I guess eventually we’ll have kids and meet other parents, but how do we make friends now at this stage in our lives?
Anything where you’re meeting the same people on repeat occasions. It’s pretty rare to form a friendship after only meeting people one or a couple of times. Friendships are often formed gradually. It’s easier growing up because it’s structured into so many things. You see the same people in classes, sports, clubs, etc. Friendships will form naturally in those settings. Try to find something to replicate that. It could be volunteer work, a workshop to learn something new, joining a community that shares a hobby. The key is bumping into the same people over and over
Thanks. This is really good advice.
That’s all I came here to say
I 100% agree that repeating an activity weekly is important.
I always recommend bowling, because the teams are 4-5 people and it’s a weekly event with alcohol to make everything less awkward. 99.999% don’t care if you suck, and the .001% that does is a Karen.
You mentioned trying board games, any interest in TTRPGs like Dungeons and Dragons and the like? The game is basically designed to forge friendships. If you or your partner is willing to learn to be the Dungeon Master, you’ll have no trouble finding players, in fact you may have so many interested individuals you have to do brief interviews lol.
I love D&D and she’s interested in trying it. This could be a good prospect.
Awesome! Let me know if you have any questions about DM’ing. I highly recommend Matt Colville’s Running the Game series. You absolutely don’t have to watch it all. If you watch the first three real episodes (Your first adventure, Your first session, and Running your first dungeon) you’ll be set!
joina cult
Or create one.
You have more fun as a follower but make more money as a leader.
I wanted to say this and I was praying that noone beat me to it
As they say if you want to make a million dollars start a religion.
The previous comment was a quote from The office
Ah cool. My one was a quote from the founder of Scientology.
Swingers sex cult will get everybody interested. make sure they leave the kids at home, though.
Even then, David Chipman might show up to your house with a flamethrower
… what makes you think I don’t have a flamethrower. or three?
Given OPs need, i suggest The Quakers.
You have to go to things where you regularly see the same people every week or month. This is the only way.
Outside of work, my partner and I made most of our friends through music events. Going to the same kind of events a few times a month and spending time with the same people. We aren’t having kids so it’s been nice to meet other people in their 30s who also don’t have/want kids.
We’ve had great luck with Bumble BFF. Moved to a new city and was surprised all of our friends fit in our house on my birthday 6 months after moving
I’m a socialphobe. My therapist told me to attend gyms, basketball and taikwondu classes with people of my age around
I’d guess hobbies are another decent jumping off point. Unless you don’t have time for anything outside of work, eat, sleep, repeat. Then you’re SoL.
You could always try volunteering for an organization you both like together. I’ve met several friends by doing this, plus it’s fun.
We used to go to a bar to play darts on Tuesday nights and started seeing the same people there each week. Same with trivia nights. I’m in Texas and there are some groups here called 'sports and social clubs". They do bowling leagues, kick ball games, beer pong tournaments, etc.
Going to a local ish (not entirely tourist) bar at the same time every week is a good one!
In Canada we have something called the Kinsmen Society that is a non-profit, secular service organization. It’s just there for volunteering to help around the community, and there’s events for couples to socialize as part of the planning and volunteer activities. It’s pretty popular in the rural communities. Maybe you’re in Canada, or there’s something similiar for a volunteer program in your area.
It’s kinda age stratified, where at 40 you are more a part of an older cadre of volunteers and advisors, as a younger couple you’d do more of the event organization and service, and the people in that group would be similiar aged.
Rekindle old friendships. Every time you do something together, plant a seed for the next thing you’re going to do. Meet new people through them. If you like the people, don’t say no to anything you’re invited to. Rinse, repeat.
This might seem crazy, but climbing/bouldering. I started a few months ago and I can’t stop meeting new people at 34. If you’re even peripherally social you’re bound to make friends.
Maybe someone at work?
Focus on your individual hobbies that have the possibility of being social. Eventually one of you will meet a friend and decide to hang out outside of the hobby.
Do you have dogs, plants. If not, adopt one (with good preparation). You’ll meet dog people, plants people and they’re usually chill ;).
