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The original was posted on /r/bestofredditorupdates by /u/LucyAriaRose on 2025-05-14 04:01:37+00:00.

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I am NOT the Original Poster. That is Successful_Movie3225. They posted in r/AmItheAsshole

Do NOT comment on Original Posts. Latest update is 7 days old.

Trigger Warnings: neglect

Mood Spoiler: somewhat sad but OOP and sisters are ok

Original Post: November 29, 2023

I’ll keep this short

I’m 18 with two sisters, “Missy” (15f) and “Macy” (19f). Macy is high needs, having a 4-year-old’s mindset, needing help 24/7. Growing up, I often felt like I was an afterthought, but I get my parents were just dealing with the cards they were given.

Missy is usually super independent but has started shutting everyone out, kind of like I used to. She’s like two different people - outgoing at school, quiet and to herself at home. So, I’ve been trying to take her out more, break the chain as best I can.

Now, Missy and I planned this weekend trip to celebrate me snagging my first car. We both saved up, and my parents were totally cool with it. So I let them know and my mom asks if Macy could join. I shut that down real quick. Macy’s not a fan of trips, especially long ones, and the whole point was for me and Missy to have some quality time. My mom agreed reluctantly, but my dad later pulls me aside, saying it’s their chance for a night alone, and it’s a way for me to show appreciation. That one night wouldn’t ruin our lives.

Now I’m stuck. I feel super shitty for not wanting to take Macy but at the same time how is it fair to me and missy? I just need some unbiased opinions AITA?

Edit- wording

Some of OOP’s Comments:

Commenter: NTA. Have your parents shown any concern for Missy? You’re a very sweet sibling. Macy is not your child and it doesn’t seem like something she would enjoy. Your dad is being selfish.

Edit to change “sister” to “sibling.” I thought OP specified they were F too until a re-read.

OOP: Both my parents do try their best don’t get me wrong. I feel like they’re doing way better with missy then they did me but yk it’s a “sometimes our best isn’t enough” type situation…

Commenter: Can you plan a night where you spend the night and your parents can go out for the evening and stay at a hotel for a mini one night vacation? That way your sister doesn’t have to leave the house but your parents can have a much needed couple break.

OOP: I’ll definitely try this out and see how it goes! Thank for the idea🫶🏽

Commenter: NTA. If your parents would like a night alone, then they need to hire someone (qualified to meet Macy’s needs) and then have their time alone. This trip is an opportunity for you and Missy to have time together and get a break from being glass children. INFO: Have your parents made arrangements for Macy’s care once they are unable to care for her?

OOP: I’m not sure and if they have no one has told me. I plan to talk to them tomorrow about everything I’ll make sure to add this to everything.

Commenter: (downvoted) YTA because you’re using the term “low functioning”

Functioning labels are inaccurate and offensive.

Try high needs next time.

OOP: I’m sorry for that this is something I’ve just found out considering that that’s what everyone I know uses. I’ll fix that thanks for letting me know

OOP is voted NTA

Update (Same Post): November 30, 2023 (Next Day)

Update one: a lot of you are asking the same question so I’ll go ahead and try to answer them all.

Yes Macy does have a care giver all week during the daytime, while everyone is at work/school. I also spend time with Macy, the same I do with Missy. We watch movies, read, books, we color, and etc. I definitely will tell them that I am NOT bringing Macy on our trip and is a nonnegotiable and tell them that maybe I could watch her for weekend while they do whatever. I guess when he said “appreciation” he was referring to going half of my car. I will also tell them that I do not plan to take care of Macy when they get older/ pass way and they need to start looking for somewhere for her to go. Definitely will bring up the years worth of neglect and how sooner or later, they will lose both of their daughters. I really appreciate everyone’s advice in the comments it made me feel less alone. I definitely will be showing them the comments. I’ll also do an update post either after the conversation or after our trip, depending how it goes!

Update Post: May 7, 2025 (1.5 years later)

UPDATE: Almost two years later

Hey, so… I forgot I even made this post until I was going through old screenshots. Life got busy, a lot happened, and I never came back to update. But since the post reached a lot of people and honestly helped me more than I expected, I figured I’d share how things turned out.

Yes, Missy and I went on our trip. It was amazing. Just the two of us, blasting music, grabbing fast food, staying up late talking, and doing normal sibling stuff without pressure. We both really needed it. I told my parents Macy wasn’t coming. They weren’t thrilled, especially my dad, but they didn’t stop us.

When I got home, we had a real conversation. I told them everything: how I felt invisible growing up, how Missy was starting to feel the same way, and how our whole world revolved around Macy. I said I wouldn’t be her future caregiver. That was when their tone changed. They said Macy would always be their priority. That told me everything I needed to know.

A few days later, I moved out. It wasn’t dramatic; we all kind of quietly agreed it was time. I started college early and finally got some space.

College has been life-changing. I started therapy, which helped me work through guilt and stress I didn’t realize I had. I’ve made new friends and started figuring out who I am outside of my family. I still go home sometimes. I still love Macy. That was never the issue. I just needed to choose myself too.

Missy’s doing better now. She’s more vocal and plans to leave for college soon. My parents and I are civil, but it’s different. They’ve started looking into long-term care options for Macy, and they know I won’t be stepping into that role.

Thanks to everyone who read or commented on the original post. You helped more than you know. If you’re going through something similar, just know you’re not selfish. Choosing yourself is okay.