“Please don’t be offended if I get an erection during this scene.”

“Also, please don’t be offended if I don’t.”

The day I learned this was the last day I made fun of poor people doing various stereotypical things that are considered “bad financial habits” in middle class upbringings. For example, buying lottery tickets with your welfare money is NOT evidence of poor people being bad at math. It’s a rational financial decision in their existing regulatory environment. A lottery winner can fly right over the welfare cliff, while the people saving up for a car repair get punished and pulled back into poverty. Maybe they’ll enjoy a few years of luxury until they squander it all because they never learned that staying off the dole requires different strategies than getting off the dole.

Will this suspect be sentenced to more than 6 months? Place your wager now at JailKings, the official betting partner of the Lake County Lockup. Get a $50 signup bonus with your first deposit. See official terms and conditions. Problem gamblers call 1-800-YOU-LOSE for help.

Or they did, and the lawyer says, “I won’t risk my license putting my name on that horseshit. If this is really how you want to proceed, you’ll have to do it yourself.”

Which translates to, “I consulted with an attorney who suggested I send you this demand letter.”

A woman from Kalamazoo

Whose limericks stopped at line two

A shining wit?

I’ve blocked a few repost bots, but I think only one human-controlled account.

The first time, it’s an accident. The second time, it’s a tradition.

One of the first big kids’ books I read on my own. I should re-read the series as an adult since I might have been almost too young for it the first time.

Even in Florida, it ought to be possible to hire an adult supervisor who understands pre-algebra – and any other topic that might reasonably appear on a GED assessment.

Fertile woman dies in Climax

An alleged newspaper headline about a fatal car crash in northwest Minnesota. Fertile and Climax have a combined population of over 1000, making them two of the more significant communities in Polk County.

I’ve heard it speculated that certain religious dietary restriction such as Kosher and Halal prohibit many of the foods that would have been most difficult to render safe with the available technology. Without anything resembling modern germ theory, they couldn’t articulate any scientific justification, so it was just “God says these lobsters aren’t food.” And yet, the people who believed that probably got less food poisoning than the people who didn’t.

Live to be 80 and retire to an assisted living apartment. The slight differences in life expectancy really show up at the back end. My grandpa spent a year as the only man on his floor and got all the geriatric pussy he could handle. Plus, since he was nearly blind from macular degeneration, he imagined them all as beautiful.

Take care of your health, and good luck with the ladies!

I remember when the Speaker of the House, Bob Livingston, called for Clinton to resign over the Lewinski scandal. Then announced that he too had an extramarital affair, held himself to the same standards, and issued his own resignation. It was about to come out anyway. The investigative journalists at Hustler magazine thought it would be interesting for the public to know how many of the impeachment managers were unfaithful to their wives, and Livingston’s name came up.

Livingston was replaced as speaker by Dennis Hastert who, so far as I know, never slept with a woman other than his wife. He did however eventually go to prison for raping little boys who were not his wife.

You were right, even if it was for the wrong reason.

The Zillow listing said acres where they presumably meant square feet which are a lot smaller. This is a city lot, probably less than even a single acre.

Elliptical orbit is what you get when all gravity vectors point to a single source such as Earth’s center of mass. If you instead make the “flat Earth” assumption that all gravity vectors are parallel, then you get a parabola. Since most of us aren’t throwing things very far on a planetary scale, the parabolic approximation is frequently considered “good enough”.

Is this, by any chance, about Rosa DeLauro representing Connecticut’s third congressional district?

Apparently ‘Shylock’ and ‘shyster’ are etymologically unrelated. Shylock is a Jewish moneylender from Shakespeare, and not a particularly pleasant fellow. Shyster is from the Germanic word for shit, and also used to describe a disreputable person of any race or religion.

1. I’m old enough to legally view any form of pornography that’s legal to create.

2. There is no legitimate government interest in monitoring my pornographic habits.

For those who enjoy a little racism with their misogyny, there’s a way to disambiguate one of the B colors.