Ex-egg. Turns out wishing you were a girl does work.

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Joined 8 months ago
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Cake day: July 2nd, 2024

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  • Half a year into transition here. I’ve been sleeping much better since I started, and I don’t think I remember having any dreams since.

    In the past, my dreams which didn’t feature gender would have been “assumed male” regular me. But I did have a recurring dream where I’d wake up as a woman one day, and they were mostly centered around how to explain it to the people who knew me and generally enjoying my new life. Those were absolutely crushing to wake up from. Also sexual fantasies and dreams were mostly from a female perspective (thus I assumed it was just a fetish for a long time).

    I would also very frequently dissociate during waking times and imagine myself doing whatever I was doing, but as a woman. Not in a sexual way, just a very melancholy “if only…” feeling.

    That’s all stopped since starting transition. Instead, when I’ve been concentrating on something and come “back to reality” as it were, I often get a brief flash of “crap, I’m a man – no, wait – oh shit I’m out and transitioning is this a dream I must be crazy – calm down, this is what I want” with an associated adrenaline spike. That’s not fun. Other times when my mind wanders I can just reflect happily on how awesome it is I get to be a woman at last, if I can stave off the “you’re faking it” dysphoria.

    I don’t have much experience yet of being treated as a woman socially, or even seeing myself in that role, but I’m hoping that will change and I get used to it. Then I’d expect my dreams to mostly reflect that.











  • All of that said, I don’t know what exactly it feels like to be trans, or be a woman, so I don’t know how to compare my experience to how I “should” or “shouldn’t” feel.

    I don’t think anybody does. But “trans” and “woman” are just labels. I find it’s more helpful to think about what you want to do.

    I feel like If I had been born as a woman, I would prefer that to having been born male. And if I could flip a switch and instantly be a woman, I would.

    You might like to reflect some more on what this implies about your gender.

    For most of my life I identified as “just a regular dude… unfortunately”. Possibly with a greater-than-usual interest in HRT and trans topics, and a rather persistent fantasy about having a female body.

    Then I started briefly questioning, but was still “not trans… unfortunately”. The thing that cracked me was seeing egg_irl memes of the “you can just be a girl; there’s no entry requirements to be trans” variety. I realized that transitioning was something I desperately wanted all my life but didn’t allow myself to consider, and that was that. A very sudden “ohhh shit I am trans” moment. I still doubt whether I’m “really trans”, but I sure as hell don’t want to stop transitioning!

    Anyway, check out the Gender Dysphoria Bible (see the sidebar), stick around and I hope you manage to figure yourself out satisfactorily, whatever you turn out to be.