I want to talk about this because this has been a very major issue for me. I’ve suffered through various kinds of internalized bigotry for a very long time. I’ve had immense internalized racism due to the fact that I’m black alongside internalized anti-neurodivergent sentiment and internalized queer/transphobia.
It’s like every time I feel like I might be able to get rid of these ideas, they keep coming back. Unfortunately, these thoughts run very intensely too. My internalized bigotry is not mild at all, and it usually manifests in ways like being scared and/or uncomfortable around black people, feeling disgusted by trans people when I see them, and insulting neurodivergent people usually through snarky comments I make under my breath.
I even get really frustrated when I see stuff that supports people like me. Seeing “Black Lives Matter” posts on social media drives me mad, alongside things like “Trans Rights Are Human Rights” that just makes me cry. It makes me FURIOUS, and I really want to overcome this kind of thinking, especially for being trans.
I’d argue that my internalized transphobia is the strongest and harshest out of all my forms of internalized bigotry. It started from my family being extremely transphobic to the point of disowning me and kicking me out, but it exacerbated and reached its peak due to the transmedicalist tendencies within the trans communities I’ve visited online. I am non-binary, and even though I have gender dysphoria and am medically transitioning, I have been discriminated against by so many damn truscum that my mindset started expressing violent animosity towards trans people period. This eventually shifted my mind to believing that this is MOST (or maybe even all) of the trans community, and it makes me irrationally angry at anything that’s pro-trans.
This issue has been going on for so damn long, and it’s causing way too much turmoil, depression, and utter distress for me to no longer do anything about it and just leave it untouched. With that in mind, how do I ACTUALLY shift my mindset to not hate myself and other people over these characteristics? Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
First you need to find out why you feel this way. These feelings are typically rooted in shame, and shame is often instilled by family and/or community, as it is in your case.
Once you have your first answer to why, dig deeper. You were shamed by family. Why did they shame you? Try to understand how their life experience might have led them to shame others. If it was something else, too, can you find out why that happened?
Keep follow the chain backwards. It usually extends far before you were born and beyond your control. I personally find that extremely therapeutic.
It’s not a silver bullet, and it requires plenty of work, but it can help you figure stuff out and set you up for getting past it. (This is where it might get annoying. The next part involves a lot of self forgiveness and positive reinforcement.)
I would also suggest setting aside time to do research into psychology, so you can understand the actual mechanics going on behind the scenes. Your therapist may be a great resource for self learning, too.
If this resonates with you, I can go further into detail, or even chat via DM. Let me know if you’d like that!