Hi, so I’m a high school student and I happen to be trans FtM. I know I’m quite young, but I do believe in the importance of supporting trans people, even young people just in general.
I was born a girl (obviously) but now I’m a guy named Anthony. When I came out to my social worker “Mrs. A” (not her real name or initial), she said that she was proud of me for coming out, but that if I wanted teachers to refer to me as “male”, “he/him”, Anthony, etc. that I’d have to come out to my legal guardian.
The thing is my guardian isn’t the most supportive of trans people. I came out to him a few years ago and he said I was just a confused girl and that “the left was just pushing their agenda onto me”. He loves me, I’m sure he does, but he definitely wouldn’t support me.
I told my therapist and a good friend of mine and both of them said that was breaking a rule of confidentiality. My sister told me that too. My therapist wonders if it’s to get it changed on paperwork or something but says that if I want to be called Anthony at school, there should be no problem.
What do you all think?
Outing someone to their parents aginst their will is dangerous and irresponsible
Agreed. They gave me a choice: I could go by my birth name and she/her pronouns, or go by Anthony and he/him pronouns but if I went by “Anthony (the guy)” and not “[Birth name] the girl” she would either have me come out or out me herself and be like “Hey, your daughter is now your son and he asked me to call him Anthony because he is transgender”.
Does your school have some kind of fucked up policy about this? I’m wondering if it’s a mandate.
They must, I hope not, though. It seems transphobic either way.
Start calling your social worker Dick. Refuse to stop until she proves she isn’t one.
If she can treat you with disrespect, you can to.
Be sure to say it kindly though, as if it were her real name and act confused when it bothers her.
It sounds like the social worker respects them and calls them by their new same and correct, preferred pronouns. They just said that if they want others to do the same, officially that they would need to come out to their parent.
I know some schools in the USA started implementing such a policy, so it could be that. However, it could also just be insensitive or pressuring them to come out to their parent when they don’t feel comfortable doing so.
I wouldn’t jump to condemn the social worker without more info. On a personal level they are offering support but they also need to help traverse the political and beurocratic realities trans people face. The worker should be helping them overcome it, of course.
The worker does feel bad about it, she says, but she unfortunately uses my birth name and she/her pronouns.
That doesn’t sound very supportive.
i agree that it’s breaking a rule, a law even. i too believe there should be no problem with it. i’ve had social workers and most of them weren’t like that due to “whatever you say in here stays in here”. but one nearly did out me. by the way, i consider trying to get you to come out like that “outing”, which is very bad.
This post pisses me off with what she’s doing. This is indeed outing.
Several decades ago, well before pronouns were really a topic of discourse (I’m aware that pronoun choice is very old), my school forms had a “legal name” and a “preferred name”. The teachers would be able then to know that Methuselah, a 8 year old boy, went by “Seth” instead, for an example.
But it was signed off by the guardian.
Of course, if the form wasn’t populated with a preferred name and you told them to call you whatever, usually they’d just do it. As far as the paperwork is concerned, do they really need it to call “Zachary” as “Zack”?
But again, before gender politics was a thing and we didn’t have any out trans folks.
