This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/bestofredditorupdates by /u/Choice_Evidence1983 on 2025-11-12 05:04:22+00:00.

---

I am NOT OOP, OOP is u/MajorPerception3519

Originally posted to r/AITAH

WIBTA if I ask my employee if she’s pregnant?

Trigger Warnings: mentions miscarriage

Mood Spoilers: ultimately happy

---

Original Post: May 3, 2025

I own a small cafe, and only have one employee. She was recommended by a frequent customer (her husband) when I posted the listing. I interviewed multiple people, and she was not only the nicest one but genuinely the best candidate.

She’d been a stay at home mom for 11 years for three kids and said that she felt it was more important for her to be there with them than working, and I cant and don’t fault her for that at all.

She shows up, she works, she does everything and more that I need her to do. I have zero complaints about her as an employee.

However over the last four months I’ve noticed some changes. Number 1, she is TINY. And when I say tiny, I mean that. This girl probably weighs 100 lbs soaking wet. And she’s never worn tight fitting shirts. But her shirts are starting to fit tighter ONLY in the stomach area. And it doesn’t take staring to notice.

Number two, she used to only take her food to go at the end of the day. Now she’ll ask me to cook it earlier (not an issue, she can ask whenever she wants) but she eats at least half of it immediately. She’s never done that before, even if she got it before she left.

Number three, her husband has come in a few times and also her father and asked her things along the lines of how she’s feeling, and I’ve overheard her talking about a doctors appointment multiple times.

Now we live in a right to fire state, so after talking to my wife I get why she might be worried to tell me in the case I might do so. But I don’t want to, and I won’t. But I’ll admit I’d be a liar if I said I wasn’t a bit worried she’ll have the baby and not come back to work when she’s the only one there to help me out.

So, would I be an asshole/ way out of line for asking her if she’s having a baby?

Editor’s note: OOP has made the same original post onto another subreddit, I am adding relevant comments from the sub for more context

Relevant Comments

Commenter 1: what part of “never ask a woman if she’s pregnant” didn’t click for you

OOP: Well, I understand that. But if she is and is eventually going to need time off after the baby is born that’s something I need to know ahead of time rather than after the fact when she’s the only other one there besides me. I do need to make arrangements for her absence for however long she needs.

Commenter 2: YWBTA. She’ll explain what’s going on when she needs to. If she’s still doing everything in her job, it isn’t your business as her employer. There’s a lot that could go wrong if you ask her, and not much that can go wrong if you just wait until it become unavoidably obvious.

She may be pregnant but prone to miscarriage, which depending on where you live is ranges from a horrendously awful health experience to all of that plus legal troubles.

OOP: I didn’t think of this aspect of it, because if you see her and know how she looks it’s already obvious. I have no idea if she is prone to miscarriages or not. I just know she’s got three kids she talks about all the time, but we do live in one of those states. Thanks for that perspective I hadn’t thought of.

Commenter 3: lol what is this “right to fire someone for being pregnant” state? Assuming this is in the US by the use of the word “state,” have you not heard of the federal Pregnancy Discrimination Act? Yes there are certain requirements and it can’t cause undue hardship etc, but generally speaking in the US you can’t fire women for being pregnant or having pregnancy-related disability.

So yes, YWBITA and possibly violating federal law in the US, if you live/work there. See the EEOC website

OOP: It means I can just tell her not to show back up and not give her a reason. Or make one up. If I tell her I’m firing her because she’s pregnant, she can sue. If I just tell her she’s fired period, she can’t. Because I didn’t give her a reason. I have no desire to do that, though.

Edited: it’s not right to fire for being pregnant. It’s right to fire for anything. Anytime.

Commenter 4: I hope she or someone she knows has Reddit as well because you gave all the proof needed that it was because you “worried she wouldn’t return anyway” and guess what, you can delete the post but if people have links, they can return to them and it saves the ORIGINAL copy in the comments. You better pray you either wise up and wait or if you end up doing the morally wrong thing, that she nor anyone close to her doesn’t follow the aita subreddit, or if they do they can never figure out its about the cafe she works at. You better not fire her simply because you don’t know if she’ll return, because if you do, I’m hoping and praying someone she knows has reddit follows this subreddit and they get proof you fired because of her being pregnant. Here’s an idea, hire other people as well, but again DON’T fire her!

OOP: I said I didn’t want to and wouldn’t fire her. Because I don’t want to. If she is, I want her back when she’s had the baby. Because she goes above and beyond 24/7 when she’s there. Me stating the laws of our state are just what they are and my wife saying that might be why she’s worried and me being worried she might change her mind about working when I’ve come to rely on her and it’s ONLY the two of us there every day. Her job is NOT in jeopardy either way.

Commenter 5: YWNBTA – are you going to fire her if she’s pregnant? Aske her gently and then congratulate her. Reddit is ridiculous sometimes. Look at all of the other comments. You gauge whether you are close enough to her and whether she trusts you enough. At a certain point it is going to feel like you’re pretending not to see the obvious.

OOP: Absolutely not. Her job is safe 100%.

But I know after she has the baby she will obviously need some time off. And since she is the only employee besides me, I’ll need to plan ahead for that 6 to whatever amount of weeks off.

And like I said, I am wondering if she’ll decide to stay home again with this one. And that’s fine, I don’t hold it against her. The way she talks about her three she already has and the time she was there with them all the time I can see how proud and happy she was to be able to do that. So I wouldn’t be surprised or upset or whatever else if she decided to do the same with this potential new one.

I’d just like to know in advance what I’m looking at going forward if I need to hire someone new by x date.

Commenter 6: YTA. Right to fire equals right to quit. Did she sign a contract? Are you offering her benefits? Health insurance? Retirement? You fully admit that you could fire her for being pregnant if you wanted to but somehow you’re the victim because she might quit and you’d have to -gasp- find another employee. It’s a job at a cafe. It’s none of your business if she’s pregnant and she doesn’t owe you anything.

OOP: I do not mean to imply I’m a victim at all, don’t hear what I’m not saying. I’m concerned that not only she could be worried about it when it won’t happen, but also that if she decides not to come bank. My wife is the one who pointed out that she could be worried for that reason. And we are a small business. It is only the employee and I every day, so with it being only us, there are no benefits.

However, any time she needs to be off, she gets off and I can usually find a family member who can help out for the day. But that’s harder to do when it’s all the time, which is my only worry. I will not fire her. She can work until she has the baby if she is having one, and if she decides to stay home with that one as well, then that’s fine and up to her and her husband. But if I need to hire new help by a certain point, I would also like to know that, too. Because at this point even the people that were helping out before can’t help out like she does. So I’d like to have the time to train someone. It’s just the two of us, so that would be helpful.

Commenter 7: Yes, YTA for sure 1) she has every right to privacy and you have no right to ask. If she’s choosing not to share (assuming there is anything to share in the first place) there may be a good reason for it, medical or otherwise or maybe she just doesn’t feel it’s a necessary conversation to have with her employer because she is not required to do so. 2) I’m not going to assume anything about state employment laws where you are, but even if you follow them and can legally terminate her because you ‘think she might’ be pregnant…. YTA. Also you run a cafe, not a surgical team. Hire someone part time so you feel more comfortable. Sheesh

OOP: I do not intend to fire her at all. I just need to make arrangements for whatever amount of time she needs off, if she’d like to come back. We haven’t been open even a year. And our space is limited. 3+ employees will be trampling on each other in…

---

Content cut off. Read original on https://old.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/1ouwdf3/wibta_if_i_ask_my_employee_if_shes_pregnant/