Ripping off a post I just saw in the Isaac Arthur subreddit. Imagining we work out the technical ability. Examples they suggested were:
- No periods
- No balding
- No nausea
- No body odor
- Resistance to obesity and muscle wasting
Redesign the spine for vertical use. Don’t put the eating and breathing tubes on either side of the same flap.
We should have tons of little breathing holes all over.
Imagine if no one snored?
While you can create spiracles that repel polar substances like water, you cannot protect them against surfactant like soap. No more showers unless you want to drown.
So you’re saying I can kill a fly with some soap spray.
Wasps too? Those fuckers.
You can waterboard them with it. If you want to effectively kill them, I’d recommend using the tried and true neurotoxin option sold at your local grocery store. You can be your own Saddam Hussein without having to hide in the most random places after committing your war crimes.
Wasps, definitely, and it does basically suffocate them. We use a water, dish soap, and peppermint mix on paper wasp nests that form in our eaves.
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Never mind snoring, imagine how bad a cold would be!
Yeah but we would have probably made weird body suits to deal with that by now if it were that big a deal.
We’re really, really bad at preventing problems, but were the best problem solvers we’ve ever found.
Seems just about every other animal is great at preventing problems. We’re the opposite.
So we’d have to be naked to breath at full capacity?
Not necessarily. I’m far from sold on the idea, but lungs are able to take in enough oxygen to hyperventilate easily, clothes would reduce the maximum air intake to some extent, but from l full capacity would be max you need to breathe to max out your muscles - everything past that would be excess capacity
If we’re going for redundancy and throughput, clothes probably would be more useful as a filter than being a limiter (and filtration is why I’m not on board with this design)
Yes, food hole and air hole should be separate
Ability to regrow lost teeth
*if teeth are in a regular position.
Just as long as I don’t grow my wisdom teeth back. I don’t want to have to have those removed again.
How about repeated full replacement every 5-10 years?
I love the idea of adults with loose teeth as their tenth set of teeth comes in.
Sorry my performance has been below average lately, boss, I’m just getting my 8th set of teeth.
“Hey, go easy on Jim, he’s teething this week.”
Door-string sale in aisle 8. Shoppers, stock up!
I don’t know. That could become tiresome.
Had one lower molar pulled recently 🥹
Ability to go to sleep when sleep should be gone to.
Or the ability to forgo sleep indefinitely. I’ve got too much shit I want to do and too little time.
Let’s apply RPG sleep rules.
You can go for weeks without sleep, but when you do sleep, you awaken fully healed.
Got a feeling this would lead to 16 hour work days. And fuuuuuuuck that.
Nothing beats the feeling of waking up after a good sleep.
How about, you only need naps and you always wake up feeling refreshed.
AND ONLY DREAM ABOUT PUPPIES AND SUNSHINE!
Body hair is now opt-in
Location specific.
I wanna be a chewbacca.
Ohhh, Lumpawarrumpppp!
Yes! With the ability change your mind please!
Let’s put a cap on how much excess energy the body can store as fat. Sure, some amount is fine and has a number of uses, but just let me poop some excess calories out. I’d only need more if I were to hibernate.
Thinking on it, I want to hibernate too, please.
While we’re at it from animals, how about upping some of our regeneration? Teeth don’t regrow? Naw, constant regen please. I get too big of a cut and I get a scar? Let’s let everything regrow from being lost if you can survive without it. Also why doesn’t the brain heal? Most important part of the body and each crack’s there for life. Let me get my serotonin back already, slacker.
Also what’s with this getting assigned a gender thing? You don’t even get to know what it means before you have one! And then we build society as if this coin flip was the seed to the tree of life. Let people choose and switch naturally, please and thank you.
Just one universal blood type please
Hair and nails not constantly growing
Your body not over reacting to things (allergies and auto immune)
Hunger annoys me.
Like, yo, tummy: I have not failed to feed you in over 30 years. Maybe don’t cause me physical pain and nausea? A simple grumble is fine until it gets actually serious, ok?
goes a few hours without eating
Tummy: panik
A simple grumble would be perfect. Sometimes I get really hungry annoyingly quickly, and other times I don’t get hungry and go way too long before remembering to eat. It’d be really great if I could just program my body to just give me a lil popup reminder after a certain number of hours.
Sometimes strokes can destroy the area of the brain that controls hunger. They require alarms to consistently eat, sleep, etc. I remember one story about a guy who put all these alarms on his watch. One day, his watch runs out of batteries, so his alarms stop completely. A couple days later, he calls the hospital because he couldn’t get out of bed. Turns out he hadn’t eaten anything the whole time. In short, you’ll probably forget to eat without any signal you have to.
I will tell you, it’s not that hard to train your body to treat hunger differently. You just need to fast now and then, most religions have guidelines for this. It doesn’t take much to give you hunger resistance, and it makes a huge difference… You become less affected by low blood sugar and able to ignore hunger when you need to
After your body adjusts, hunger becomes cyclical - you feel hungry, maybe even nauseous, but then it goes away after a couple minutes. If you’re doing something, it’s so easy to ignore you forget about it
Right? Im very cool with rhe whole balding thing but for fuck sake can I not be Chewbacca walking carpet from the neck down?
So you want hair and nails to grow consciously?
Like if I want to grow my hair out, I need to actively concentrate on it for a year? Or can I grunt out a moustache like a cartoon? Both are problematic.
You consciously initiate the process and then it grows on its own, with the option to manually stop.
Ooh can I be Rapunzel/Wolverine? Both at the same time, that is. Oh and I’ll take Dumbledore’s beard.
I would like the ability to change the speed of growth. Like, when you overeat, I’d love to just crank up hair and nail growth to burn away the excess
No more biting down on my tongue or cheeks when eating. Most annoying glitch ever.
Omg yes this absolutely. I eat to nourish myself and survive and am punished randomly by self-inflicted mouth wound that lasts for days/weeks => evolutionary failure at its finest.
Insult to injury when the food is actually something healthy like a salad instead of fries.
- Separate holes for eating and breathing
- Separate sewage system from entertainment complex
- Remove mental health disorders
- Improved empathy
Good day, are you talking about urine sewage system and/or anal intercourse?
How about a system which fully harvests nutrients, then compresses waste into smooth, solid, compact, sterile pellets which leave no residue and don’t smell bad?
Monkey’s Paw: they push out from under your eyelids
i think that’s the core issue. Whatever kind of sewage system you have is going to be a source of entertainment for some people
Well, one can hardly argue with that, kind sir.
I disagree - one hole for everything. Just imagine how many less medical clinics you need to go to.
Yes, I’m American.
The spine
FIX THE SPINE
Just out of sheer curiosity, are there diagrams of what a redesigned spine might look like?
Yeah, upgrade the spinal column with a duranium/cordonite alloy, similar to data.
This should be #1
Being able to shoot lasers from my tits would be cool.
Like, Cyclops lasers or cat toy lasers?
The cyclops kind.
as if women didnt have enough of a problem with people grabbing them and going pew pew, pewpewpew before!
What would you do with your laser-tit-shooting ability though?
Play with cats of course!
Self-defense and cutting paper smoothly.
Cutting food would be so much better too.
You can already shoot FOOD from them! That’s pretty damn impressive.
But yeah, lasers would be cool.
is this only for boobhavers, or anyone with nipples?
The breathing hole and the eating hole are separated
More holes, you say?
Everyone gets really thick necks.
Half of taste is in our nose though so I don’t want to lose out on that
No more cancer please.
there’s almost a vaccine for that
You can not have a cure for cancer, but a cancer. I promise I am not trying to be pedantic here. Cancers are so different from one another, that a single cure for breast cancer might not even work on all breast cancer.
“is curing patients a viable business model?”
Nop, preventing them from dying is though.
This is so fucked up but yeah I can see them settling for research on a drug or treatment that just keeps you from reaching Stage 4 to where you become a lifelong consumer of said medical company.
Add more holes to the body.
What, do pores not count?
no holes for you
For what?
I’m not that picky about their primary function.
Goddamn ear fuckers.
eargasm
Tow mounting hooks
We should not get our adult teeth at 7 then no more ever. We need at least one more set.
I don’t think balding is useful, agree that could go.
Fertility should be manageable without using all the devices, hormones, etc. Like it should be a positive choice not a default state we have to harm ourselves to avoid. And I don’t think we need menopause either. Just turn on fertility only to get pregnant.
(ETA- I also think sexually transmitted diseases should not exist at all, they seem like religious fundamentalist biological warfare, but not sure what change in a human body could accomplish this and leave the pleasure intact. )
We should not get our adult teeth at 7 then no more ever. We need at least one more set.
Just be a shark at this point
