I did all the things. Transitioned. Quit opioids and cigarettes. Went back to school. Got discriminated against and persevered. Quit my last job because of anti LGBT policy and got my dream job.
Oh, and I did all that since 2020.
And it’s a nightmare. I’m isolated. No support, and I found out today my coworkers hate me and think I’m trash.
I don’t know what to do. Go back to school? It’s just going to be more of the same. In the last five years, I achieved more than I ever thought I could. And I’ve never been more alone or miserable than I am right now.
I’m tired of living in a world that doesn’t want me, that I’ll never be good enough for. My parents were right, I’m never going to be good enough.
So what’s the point?
I’ve maybe felt what you’ve felt in the past. Still feel it a bit now, but much less so. Finding community you feel very confident supports you is hard. It’s tough to have faith it can be found when you’ve only ever ended up let down by the people you’ve surrounded yourself with.
It’s kind of random, but rock climbing helped me so much with that. If you’ve got a local gym and you’re in the US, there’s a decent chance it has an LGBTQ+ meetup. Queer climbers are, in my experience, some of the most accepting, diverse, helpful, inclusive people on the planet. Cheering for anyone of any shape, size, and climbing ability just because they are on the wall challenging themselves. Some climbing gyms definitely can have some bad (particularly toxic masculine) vibes, but if you pick your day/time right you can often dodge the gym bros. Most gyms have youth and adult classes and generally the hardcore members avoid these times, so honestly it can be worth going at those times, plus you can conveniently “overhear” instructors to pick up some advice.
My gym is my chosen family at this point. I now coach there and I’m helping foster a space a bunch of baby gays come climb in and they get to see real life queer people having lives past the age of 20.
It’s seriously a beautiful place.