It’s been around a month since I started questioning my gender. I’m really confused on all of this, seeing a therapist would help but that’s not an option for me at the moment (don’t want to go into details about that here). Biggest source of confusion for me is the fact that there are some strong signs that I’m trans but at the same time I don’t feel like a woman (nor anything othet than a man). Does this happen to trans women before egg crack or any form of transitioning? This question is a huge roadblock for me at the moment in terms of questioning, it feels like I won’t get anywhere with this without finding amswer to it. It probably won’t be final answer to everything but even if I’m trans transitioning would’t be safe for 4-5 years so I have enough time to explore my identity.
Edit: Thank you all for responding, it’s really helpful. Now I’m a bit more sure that I’m trans but I’ll try to experiment in a safe way until I’m able to talk with therapist about this.
It can be really confusing, there is a lot to take in once you start questioning things.
The first thing I’d say is it’s good to question and explore safely but it’s also ok to realise that you’re a man, a woman or somewhere in between. Don’t forget it’s not black and white, you might not feel like a woman but maybe non-binary or demi-boy might fit better.
You say you don’t feel like anything other than a man, so maybe look at why you’re questioning. Writing down a list of things that you think put you into male or female might help clarify things in your mind.
Think about what it would mean to be a woman, the clothes, the social interactions, being called she/her, having a woman’s name. Which if any resonate with you.
Feeling like a woman is such a hard to define thing, I often feel quite masc but I know I’m a woman, wearing women’s clothes and being called she/her just feel better for me.
One other thing to consider is your sexuality, I’m a lesbian so it can also be quite common to like more typically masc things and present a bit more masc. I’m not a butch but I’m definitely not femme either.
I say that because whilst sexuality is different from gender, sometimes it can confuse things. Am I a gay man, femme woman or a butch lesbian for example, so maybe give that some thought too.
The main thing is to give it a good amount of thought and maybe experiment when you can safely with pronouns, names and clothes, but remember that you don’t need to rush, and make sure you do it safely. It sounds like you’re aware of those things but it’s worth just mentioning again.
I was questioning a lot for several years, even into the start of my transition. I’d see a psychologist and think “I don’t need to do more”, I’d get an HRT prescription and think “I don’t need to take them”, start taking them and think “I can stop if I need to”. It allowed me to do it in baby mental steps and still acknowledge to myself that I was still feeling a little unsure.
It took until I was well into my transition and I found a partner who accepts me fully as a woman to really stop questioning and accept who I am.
I hope that this helps a bit and feel free to DM me if you have any specific questions or just want to talk.