It’s strange but listening again to music from about 20 years ago, during a time when I was mostly sad and depressed, and where the musical choices reflected that, gives me a weird sense of nostalgia and longing for that time.
I know it’s not unusual for music to do that, that’s just run of the mill, it’s just odd that, it has me longing for a time and associated mood that, on the whole, I kind of didn’t really enjoy very much. The angsty tracks were what I listened to because I was so bummed out and dissatisfied.
Sure, and interestingly, it’s right there in the name. Nostalgia is from Greek and could be crudely transliterated as something like “homecoming pain.” Even if home wasn’t perfect, there is a draw.
I’m chronically depressed and I have been for as long as I can remember. Sometimes I’m wistful for the sadnesses of yesteryear because it was relatively simpler. The world feels more complex now, and that’s probably largely because my perspective continues to grow as I age. However, in addition to this, there’s also a very introspective complexity — there was an odd liberation in being so low the only thing I wanted was to die. I’m very glad that I have things to live for nowadays, but also, part of me resents it. It makes things messier and it means that when I’m suicidal, it’s not because I want to die, but because I want to live and feel I can’t.
There’s also all the duties that come with being older that mean that even when I’m not that kind of sad, I also can’t really dwell on sadness and really stew like I sometimes want to. It can be cathartic to be a melodramatic arsehole, but often, I can’t justify that because if I don’t do the work needed to keep life ticking on, my “I want to live but I’m sad” might degrade to a “I want to die”.
This puts it well.
Nostalgia more often than not feels melancholy to me, in general. I’m not a fan, so I try not to dwell on the past, but instead plan my future.
The experience of nostalgia I understand is bittersweet and often melancholy. I guess what I’m finding strange is that normally one experiences nostalgia for something they’d actually like to be able to return to, and that usually means something that they actually liked, a previous happiness. Weirdly I seem to be pining for a particular way I felt that actually, sucked at the time. It’s weird. I know what you mean about it being best not to dwell but it’s such a powerful draw, it’s like I’m swimming around the edges of a vortex.
I recently heard of a type of it called Solastalgia which is a distress for something going away that you had nostalgia for. I wish niche words like these got more use
I love the feeling of melancholy, I don’t know why. Accepting it feels kind of powerful. I have a huge thing for movies with melancholic endings.
Once every year or two I’ll pull up the song that I attempted suicide to and cry my eyes out for a while. It’s good to flex your emotions in a controlled space. Helps keep you well rounded, IMO.
For anyone curious, since I’m sure someone will be - 3 Doors Down - Away From the Sun
As a fellow survivor of attempted suicide, I’m glad you’re here.
💜
I feel this. Depression can be like a comfy blanket.
I think it’s more that I’m nostalgic for the situations that used to make me sad because they were more simple than the problems I have now (although they never feel that way at the time). Being sad about sports and girls in high school looks way more fun in retrospect than being sad about health problems and the state of the world.
Holy shit, I opened Lemmy with the intention of making a post exactly like this. A relative of mine is graduating soon and is super stressed and saddened by it, and as a result I’ve been listening to music from around the time I graduated lately. remembering how I felt, and despite knowing I was not well, just longing and wishing and beautifying the feeling. I suspect it’s because I just want a chance to redo some fuck ups. I’ve been listening to a LOT of the very sad, dark types of songs from back then once more, and just remembering the feeling so hard it started to unfortunately come back for real.
It’s just like that. Actually it’s an interesting point about wanting to try it again and get it right. I think that’s a layer that probably explains some of the feeling like I miss something that actually wasn’t great to experience.
I am kinda nostalgic for the year 2013, despite the fact that I hated that year so, so much due to how insanely suicidal I was. But it did have some fun stuff, such as Random Access Memories (see what I did there?)
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Anyone else immediately think of this? https://youtu.be/8UVNT4wvIGY?t=63
I opened up my post again the next day and immediately thought of that. Don’t know why I didn’t when I wrote the title haha
Yeah.
I miss being sad because I fell and scraped my knee.
Sure would beat being sad because of an imbalance of brain chemicals and also the general state of the world at large.
