So I just remembered the term she used was masochistic epistemology. It was in this video about incels.

But yeah it’s such an easy trap to fall into when you’re already unhappy. And yeah it’s a form of accepting defeat because trying is hard and the possibility of failure is scary. Sometimes the truth hurts, and if you’re generally miserable the truth you need is likely uncomfortable, but that discomfort could be anything from “you need to get your shit together” to “your expectations are unrealistic” to “you’re surrounding yourself with people and things that make you miserable because it’s easier to accept unhappiness than to change”

Incels for example think they need to accept that they’re just ugly and unable to ever be seen as attractive and thus are destined to be miserable forever, when in reality they often need to accept that getting laid won’t make them happy and their misery is part of why they can’t get laid. They need to find a happy life in which sex would be a nice plus and then be clean, groomed, and enjoyable to be around.