• Deestan@lemmy.world
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    2 months ago

    A plea for anyone having this happen, be gentle.

    It is easy to think a tantrum is because the child wants something and either gets pissed that they don’t, or are trying to make a scene to get it.

    Sometimes (often?) it is more of a stress and panic reaction. And it can be hard to tell. Even if the tipping point was not getting biscuits.

    Whether your reaction is to give in and buy them something, remain very firm that they do not get biscuits today and this is not acceptable behavior, or decide to pick them up and carry them to the car, be a safe and calm presence for them.

    • GraniteM@lemmy.world
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      2 months ago

      Yeah, not getting what they want might mess up a kid’s afternoon. Being taught that throwing tantrums can get them what they want might mess a kid up for their entire life.

    • volvoxvsmarla @lemm.ee
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      2 months ago

      Can I also add: to anyone witnessing a stranger’s kid having a tantrum, be gentle. It is not bad parenting or child abuse or anything like that, at least not in the vast majority of cases. If you want a loud tantrum to be stopped right there and then you basically are demanding that a person, who is not yet able to control or even understand their emotions fully due to an undeveloped brain, is being controlled. You want less Karens in the future? Let the kids, please, experience these tantrums and find a way to deal with them. And be easy on the parents. They cannot shut down their kid like a machine and if they can - they shouldn’t, it most likely would require some form of violence or control that you would not want a child to experience if you really gave it a thought. And believe me the parent is feeling like shit already, no need to look down on them.

      Please remember you also were a kid once.

      (Also, my love goes out to anyone named Karen, it is a beautiful name and wear it with pride, I am sorry it has become tainted. )

    • jubilationtcornpone@sh.itjust.worksOP
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      2 months ago

      I love my kids. They are a ton of work but I couldn’t imagine life without them. But being a parent is not for everyone and that’s ok.

      This meme was inspired by my wife telling me about our two year old having a full on five-alarm melt down at Sam’s Club and screaming, “I see Christmas trees! I go see Christmas trees!” While my wife tried to assure her that they would go see Christmas trees on the way out. All you can do is laugh at the sudden realization that the poor person with the screaming child in the middle of the store is you.

    • GraniteM@lemmy.world
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      2 months ago

      Nothing should! Parenting is hard fucking work, and if you’re not one hundred percent up for it, then don’t do it!

      Even in some fantasy ideal world where pregnancy and childbirth are easy, preschool is free, and the future isn’t somewhere between bleak and horrifying… being a parent is still an incredibly taxing ordeal, mentally, physically, and emotionally. There are plenty of kids in the world. Nobody should get born to parents that feel even the slightest bit of reluctance at their existence.

      • Midnight Wolf@lemmy.world
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        2 months ago

        “excuse me, are you going to eat that?”

        “uhhh, no; you can have it”

        "thanks!* walks off with baby

        • kamen@lemmy.world
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          2 months ago

          “No, thanks, I’m vegetarian” is a useful thing you can say when someone hands you their baby.

    • BlueMagma@sh.itjust.works
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      2 months ago

      Never say nothing will ever convince you (I don’t want any child either by the way), let my try:

      Imagine the following hypothetical, in a few decades, medical science solves ageing, fast forward a few hundred years in the future, you still have no child, you meet an amazing person about as old as you, also never had any child, you fall madly in love with each other, you live a few amazing decades together, and they start to say they’d like to try the experience of raising a child, It will only takes two or three decades before they are independent, a very small time relative to the infinite life ahead of you. Do you think you would say no with 100% confidence?

      I don’t want any child and I don’t think I will ever want one, but I know my opinion might change one day for reasons beyond my current understanding.

      • Midnight Wolf@lemmy.world
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        2 months ago

        Plot twist: it’s their (child’s) 260th birthday and they still won’t move out of the fucking house

        Luckily I don’t have to be concerned about this hypothetical situation, as I have The Gay™️. I’ll be sipping on my margarita, amused while the family that wanted to ‘try having a child’ is in tears as their 260 year old child throws their hotel mattress from the 6th floor balcony.

        sip

      • SoJB@lemmy.ml
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        2 months ago

        I counter the hypothetical with an actual reality!

        The current rate of resource consumption by the human race guarantees complete and total collapse of anything resembling todays human society within the next 50 years, followed by a near extinction level population crash.

        The surviving societies would then have no way left to re-enter the industrial age, as all easily accessible natural resources were mined out long ago, and they would lack the technology needed to access deeper veins/wells/etc.

        This is not hypothetical, this is actually going to happen and humanity has said “we don’t give a shit”. This is not doomerism, this is proven scientific fact.

        Climate scientists have been screaming and shouting about this for decades trying to get anyone to listen. We are way way way too late to stop it now.

        Might as well enjoy some bluefin tuna before they go extinct too.

        • BlueMagma@sh.itjust.works
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          2 months ago

          Totally agree that this is one of the most likely scenario, but I wouldn’t say it is going to happen with 100% confidence. We need to act accordingly, and trying to prevent it, but there is still a slim possibility that we manage to fix it.

        • GrammarPolice@lemmy.world
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          2 months ago

          Yup, as someone who wants kids, the inevitability that is climate change is making me heavily reconsider the idea

      • PunnyName@lemmy.world
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        2 months ago

        Nope

        Also, I have stupid brain issues and there’s no fucking way I’m living that long. I’d rather shoot myself.

    • GraniteM@lemmy.world
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      2 months ago

      I shit you not, I once watched a lady talking to the information desk at an art museum about a membership with a toddler. The kid started getting antsy, and didn’t listen after she told them to stop trying to run away. She had the kid lay down on their stomach, and she very gently put her foot on the kid’s back, so she was in effect halfway standing on them. The kid didn’t even seem upset, just “This is what happens when I don’t listen.” Awe inspiring.

      • Iheartcheese@lemmy.world
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        2 months ago

        As a retail worker I would applaud that. On the other hand I saw this the other day.

        The kid had apparently been running around in the store and was in trouble for that. Their punishment was supposed to be giving up their phone. The mom kept insisting and the kid just kept saying no no no no no. The mom kept threatening to call other people to have them handle it. When the mom started saying you need to listen to me the kids started saying I’ll listen tomorrow I’ll listen tomorrow I’ll listen tomorrow.

        The mom literally gave up at this and the kid kept the phone. Kid was like 13 BTW this wasn’t a small child

  • aeronmelon@lemmy.world
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    2 months ago

    In an instant you become a stoicism master as people around you start asking in whisper who’s child that is.

  • Chef_Boyardee@lemm.ee
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    2 months ago

    Flipside: sawl a tween girl struggling like a mfer maneuvering a full grocery cart. I told her dad I should’ve had kids.

  • systemglitch@lemmy.world
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    2 months ago

    Never had that. Close, but only once. Have her a spanking at home, explained why that behaviour was not acceptable and it never happened again.

    It was the one and only time she was spanked in her life. 16 now and doing great in life

    • ChuckEffingNorris@lemmy.ml
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      2 months ago

      This post reads like a really shit brag. I’m certain your daughter would also be doing great in life if you hadn’t harmed her.

      You seem proud of causing her physical pain due to her unexpected expression of big emotions. You probably did great raising her on the whole if she is doing great in life, so why you would think that hitting her is the thing you want to highlight to randoms on the internet is weird.

      Kids throw tantrums. It’s hard on parents when that happens, but those of us with kids (and probably many others too) have total sympathy for the parent in that situation. Some passersby will get annoyed, sure, but they can just turn the corner and not deal with it, so they will get over it.

      Getting down to your kids’ level and talking through their behaviour and feelings is hard work, but it’s better than physically hurting a defenceless child.

      Next time you fuck up, perhaps you should be slapped about? Or how about if your behaviour annoys me, perhaps I should slap you. Maybe I should wait until no one else can see though, I wouldn’t want to be judged or get into trouble, just like you took her home to hit her!

      Internet forums hate kids on the whole, so I don’t expect many to agree with my views. But as a parent of some great kids, none who have ever been physically hurt by their parents, I can tell you there is always an alternative to being violent with them.