What a sad situation. I know a lot of people here think this is abuse and I can see their perspective, but I see this more as a relationship lacking communication. The wife didn’t feel assured that her husband loved her anymore and the divorce papers were a last ditch effort to see if he still does. Sure, just talking openly would be better, but goddamn is it hard to find people who can do that.
I think the fact that she broke down and tore up the papers immediately after is a sign that she really didn’t want to do it and was reacting to his genuine reply.
I think OOP needs couple’s therapy.
are you and the 93 people who upvoted you crazy??
lmfao in what fucking world is serving divorce papers and then tearing them up right after they’re signed not even just a little bit toxic, if not emotionally abusive?
maybe a fucking adam sandler movie but this is real life.
think before you do stupid shit? other people don’t owe you discretion bc you’re an idiot? “uwu but what about the wife’s feeeeelings???” brother man grow tf up this isn’t a high school fling it’s a marriage. if you wanted to pull shit like this, why did you change it from girlfriend/boyfriend to husband/wife? was that about feelings too?
oop shouldve ran when they had the chance and the papers were signed.
sorry as someone who grew up as a child caught between this stupid shit people like you piss me off so much. this is traumatic for all involved.
Fuck man, I don’t disagree with you. Don’t construe my words as me saying there’s nothing wrong here, but I also am not in the “omg just get divorced” camp, either. I’ve been in great and terrible relationships and I’ve seen behavior like above in both. There’s a massive difference between “I’m serving you these papers to cause suffering or as a shit test” and what OOP’s wife did. YES, her behavior was toxic. Toxicity doesn’t happen in a vacuum.
I’ve been around plenty of guys like the greentexter, too. Aloof, unaware, “women say the darnedest things” types. If he doesn’t see the situation and say, “Damn I got some problems with this relationship that need fixing” then he’s insane. But this guy says, “I love you and I’ve always tried… Man this is weird, better post to 4chan!”
Perhaps she’s been trying to talk to him about it but he’s been acting like a dumbass and this was her last ditch effort to shake some sense into him. AGAIN, her behavior is unhealthy. But if his response to it is to show love, and hers is to break down and back away from the edge, then perhaps there is more foundation here than we’re seeing in the context of this message.
I love my partner dearly and I regret to say I’ve acted in ways like this before during difficult times. Love is fucking hard sometimes. It’s about how you pick the pieces up and move forward.
i’m sure if we continue down a rabbit hole of discourse i’ll find multiple points where we can agree, but overall it seems we might have different outlooks on life.
that’s okay; people are allowed to be different!
i appreciate your civility and hope i didn’t offend.
remember to live well and for others, u/Classy. if only we all could.
maybe a fucking adam sandler movie but this is real life
In all fairness, that looks like 4chan, so maybe we should lower our expectations here a bit more. I’m sorry you had to go through all that crap growing up. I hope you are in a better situation now.
I like this empathetic take.
object original poster
Object oriented posting
original oriented poster.
orange otter pornography
Ornithological orangutan paraphernalia
I wouldn’t want to stay married to anyone who would play these kinds of mind games.
To be fair, it doesn’t have to be mind games, she could have been in a bad place and somehow figured out for herself that the best thing to do was to end the relationship, but realised that she was wrong. There are people who genuinely believe that they can make other peoples lives better by leaving them (a kind of “you would do better without me, I’m only pulling you down” mentality), that could do something like this not to manipulate the other person, but because they actually care about them, but are in a bad place themselves.
Y’all need to talk more
Completely broken relationship for sure
This is fiction.
It takes a lot more than 3 days to finalize terms of the divorce. It usually takes longer than that just to get both of your lawyers to look over and approve it.
Even if these two people are both lawyers, and decided to represent themselves, you’d need a notary present when you’re signing.
…you’re boldly assuming they did it the right way.
Given that she’s the type to take it all back right after it’s signed, she probably just googled “real divorce papers” and found the best pdf and just printed it out.
Here in Finland I believe there’s a mandatory 6-month separation period before you can divorce.
But also I’ve had 8 beers a gross amount of rum and glög, an ambien or two and all the weed. So… I may not be giving correct info rn. I believed I am, but you shouldn’t trust me.
Isn’t everything on anon just fiction?
Emotional abuse detected.
I mentioned it in another comment, but I’ll repeat it here: This doesn’t necessarily have to be emotional abuse. It can well be a result of the wife being in a bad place, having little self-worth, and convincing herself that anon would be better off without her. Perhaps anon’s response caused her to re-think and reconsider, hence the subsequent breakdown.
It is emotional abuse. Just like it’s still assault if a veteran with night terrors gets a adrenaline rush while waking up at night and beating the wife sleeping next to him in his confusion. It is not intended, but the damage is done. And it’s done by the veteran; or the wife in the OP.
The emotional abuse may be coming from a deep emotional wound, but it’s on her to fix it. She gets to keep her shards, or attempt to fix herself. By choosing to not work on herself she effectively chooses to burden the people around her. And they have no obligation to keep her around.
“I don’t understand women.”
Whenever someone has an issue with an SO, then extrapolates that to all women… that’s a red flag to me that this guy has a lot more misogynistic views just outside the frame of view.
It is unfortunately common. Pretty much all of the guys I know IRL complain about their SOs with “Pft. Women, right?” And I’m sitting here like… No? Maybe that’s just your SO? Or just your SO when they’re with you?
Women and men do have a different way of thinking the majority of the time. It’s about learning to cope with and deal with the other one’s feeling. If you want a woman, you have to be willing to deal with woman moments. If you want a man, you have to be willing to deal with man moments. Simple. Relationships cannot be perfect.
Men and women have tendencies and subculture, sure. But they’re not mutually unintelligible if you make even a little effort to try and understand the other side as fundamentally human people. For example, by listening to them and taking their positions seriously (even if the specific situation does not call for believing every factual claim).
I think we mostly agree here, just with slightly different framing.
Exactly, you cannot be a good spouse and not take your partner’s opinion seriously just because “pffft women/men”
What if they don’t understand all women? Why do you extrapolate your personal experience to all people… That’s a red flag to me.
