I’m curious how you budget as a couple or budget with family. Does one person take the lead and it’s their duty? Are you equal participants? Does each person leverage their strengths?
What works for you?
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I think it starts with shift in mindset from your money/my money to our money.
I’ve found it beneficial to have all money going it and out of joint account.
One person can take the lead both parties must understand and agree to the budget.
I do most of the tracking but ask my partner about unrecognized transactions. They ask me how much money is left in which categories periodically.
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I was going to make my own post but yours is basically my situation. I am the one who isn’t really on top of it, like your partner. We both have our own bank accounts that we get our checks deposited into and then we have a joint bank account that we both contribute to. We have an excel spreadsheet for all of our bills and expenses. We take the total number and divide by two and each pay in our half. We make roughly the same amount of money so that is what we came up for “fair” on our joint bills. We also account for vacation funds and small/large projects and emergency funds. It’s nice to have a round amount that I’m expected to put in every check. It’s reliable
We each pay our car note out of what’s left over after contributing to the joint account. What’s left over in our personal accounts is for personal expenses like snacks and gas. It’s also how we pay for our own hobbies. It’s also a good way to hide a purchase like a birthday present.
If asked, I would show her my personal bank statements and she would show me hers. There’s not really any mystery as to what goes on with our personal accounts. They’re mostly used to save up for things the other wouldn’t get anything out of. I couldn’t expect my wife to throw down on a guitar she would never use for example.
The flip side of that is: why don’t we just put it all in the same account and give each other a hobby allowance? I don’t have a good answer. Maybe we will go that way some day.
Just wanted to add on to the conversation. I didn’t start out as a very responsible person. Getting on a budget and having a bed time are the things that changed my life the most
This is pretty much how we do it too. The part about yours/mine was key for us to start because we had a shared goal of saving more than we spend.
As a matter of fact, thinking back to it now, we actually started budgeting together even before we were married and before having a joint account. We would pay for things in the ratio of our respective incomes and everything was fair based on the structure we agreed upon.
I think the underlying premise of a lot of these answers (all?) Is transparency and thoughtfulness. I can’t see budgeting together working without that.
I take the lead given my two finance degrees and interest. I go through our budget with my spouse and they sign off or propose changes every December. I pay bills. I compete our taxes.
Our money has been communal since before we married. We have each supported the other financially as we obtained further education. We discuss larger spends and otherwise buy little relative to most in this country. One of our shared values is that our money is for security and to invest to break free of working.
Since you’re more knowledgeable, does your partner try to cat h up. Or are they more hands off and just trust your decisions?
Or rooms are reversed where my wife is more knowledgeable, but it’s a regular discussion for us. And with the regularity, I’m catching up.
When I was a couple, we just tried to split things evenly and kept our finances independent. This worked out really well, and we both had mutual respect.
Were y’all pretty transparent? This seems difficult to pull off without transparency, at least for shared expenses.
I have a friend who handles finances like this with her husband and they are NOT transparent which is both surprised to me because they somehow make it work and because it seems to put it on hard mode.
Yes, we were transparent and honest with each other. We didn’t have any reason not to be.
I suppose I should also mention that she made more than I did at some point, and didn’t mind paying a little more because of this. So, even though things may not have always been split 50/50 we still tried to balance things in a way that we both felt was even. We each paid our fair share and treated each other equally.
One person makes a proposal. The other either says it’s okay, or makes a counter-proposal. Revisit after a month or two, and adjust as necessary.
It’s like the other parts of a relationship: identify problems, seek agreement, make suggestions, back off when necessary, check to see if changes have improved anything.
Our incomes are very different. I take care of budgeting and paying 90% of stuff. Wife has a rough idea of budget, plus she budgets/pays some on her side (and I have a rough idea of that). Whatever’s left afterwards (usually in my account) is ours, not mine. The stuff for my hobbies is in the budget, not what’s left. What’s left (if any) is additional savings basically.
This is basically what we do. I take a small “cut” for my hobbies or whatever. She takes the same or likely a little more. What’s leftover is family budget.
I’m in charge but they’re informed. What works for us may not work for others. Rather than any specific approach couples should find a way that works for them.
I know happily married people that still do even splits of expenses and “owe” the other for covering certain expenses.
It’s hard honestly. Are current system is we set a weekly budget that they manage and we both have the same card.
We are both frugal. We discuss purchases above a certain amount, which changes with our finances. We generally communicate a lot.
It works best if both are involved. It can work fine if one takes the lead and informs the other.
A caution: Any times one feels the urge to hide something, immediately tell the other about the thing. It avoids a lot of problems.