Doing speed, or coke in the bathroom. Coming back with pinprick pupils and sucking her teeth a lot, unable to stop bouncing her foot. We worked in a small call-centre and she was hilarious in a really uneasy way. Boppin around, forgetting what she just said, entering card numbers in the machine wrong and just endlessly twisting the phone cord around her fingers. The girl must have broke 3 cords in 3 days, she was probably awake that long by the end of it. Was off “sick.” Then the day she came back, our manager just called her in in the morning and she flew out the door in a rage. Not a word to anybody. Absolutely cracked she was.

One? I’ve worked with some strange people.

The short list is going to end with the craziest.

A fellow bouncer got canned for fondling the dancers. It was a strip club, and dude was supposed to be keeping the ladies safe, not using his position to mess with them. To everyone’s joy, he tried to punch the boss, which meant we got to drag him through the club and toss his ass on the dumpster.

A fellow nurse’s assistant that got caught stealing meds from the cart. Turns out, they’d been doing so at a small scale for a while, and getting away with it busted because it was spread around enough that it didn’t get noticed until they fucked up and did it in front of one of the nurses.

Another NA that we tried to get fired for months because of suspected abuse. She lost her shit in the patient game room and slapped a lady hard enough to break her jaw. She did jail time.

A cook at a waffle house I would sometimes work for because the manager was a friend. He was fucking one of the waitresses. In the store room during shift, with people waiting for food. Dude came out with some strange red substance on his hands and cheek. Well, strange in that it wasn’t there when he went to the back. Everyone knew they had a habit of getting freaky, but nobody knew dude wasn’t washing his hands before coming back. Until auntie flow paid a visit.

Another bouncer, but at a fairly chill lesbian centric bar, was selling fake drugs. Took a few weeks for anyone on staff to catch on because he was only selling to people that knew him at first, but he eventually got someone he didn’t know ask him for some, sold to her, and she was mad enough to complain to the bartender. Lady was wanting to roll, and got aspirin. Tbh, he got fired as much for it being fake as for selling at all. He’d have likely gotten a warning at that place, if it was real drugs, and only been fired if he got caught again.

An RN at a home health agency got caught prostituting herself to patients. Admittedly, her rates were fair, but that’s a serious ethical issue. Another nurse got caught doing roughly the same, just less honestly. That one was scamming patients by pretending to love them, moving in with them, gaining access to their funds and draining them, all while getting a paycheck to do so. She eventually scammed the wrong patient, and ended up in serious trouble beyond just getting fired.

Another bouncer got canned at a different strip club for fake pimping. He’d say he’d hook a customer up with one of the dancers, for a fee up front, then just keep the money and dare the guys to do something about it. Didn’t last long tbh, maybe two weeks of doing it before a customer told me about it, and I told the boss, and he flipped shit on the fake pimp. That was fucking hilarious to see tbh.

The boss was this short dude in his sixties, little pot belly, wore fucking sansabelts and shirts out of a catalogue for old men, haband or whatever the company is. He struts up to the bouncer in question and punches him right in the balls and starts lambasting the guy. Dude gets up and is thinking about payback, then sees me and the rest of the staff right behind the boss. Alas, he walked out without complaint, being screamed at the entire way by the boss. “That’s right, that’s right, you walk the fuck away, you piece of shit! You fucking walk away and don’t come back, or I’ll cut your fucking dick off”. Dude was likely not joking either. His joint was right on the edge of some territory where he had to pay a monthly fee for “neighbourhood security”, and was friendly with the community organization leadership that would have been happy to provide someone to hold a person down while their dick got cut off.

But, the last one.

Fucking Grant. Not even a fake, name, though I’ll not give his last name. Nursing home. Dude was always hard to find. You go looking, and he’s nowhere to be seen. You page him, he’s five minutes later going to stroll up.

Well, eventually the charge nurses would get sick of his shit, and he’d end up moved to another hall, or another shift. Not fired, because back then, a decently strong guy in a nursing home was hard to get, and thus got leeway as long as they weren’t neglecting patients.

Well, he burnt through every unit, every shift, and was still a fuckoff, but because his patients were clean and in good condition, and he’d just say he didn’t hear a page, or that he was not able to respond because he was giving care, he kept his job. But now he had the charge nurses after his ass.

Eventually, one of them just started hunting him down, or sending an NA to hunt him down.

And that’s when he got busted.

Eating pussy. Of an Alzheimer’s patient.

Shit hit the fan. Obviously, cops were eventually called, and everyone went through their questions and bullshit. But, he had fucked up. When he was found out, he tried lying his way out of it, accusing the person that found him of lying. Ranting about how it was conspiracy because the women didn’t want a man working there (I guess me and Roland didn’t count?) Then when that failed claiming he was doing it because the patient had asked him to.

When that failed, and the director of nursing finally said she was calling the cops, he started trotting out every excuse possible, and fucked up because he said “they” deserved pleasure too, it wasn’t fair that all those women had to do without. And, he said this with multiple people in the room, so he couldn’t walk it back.

After all the shitstorm settled out, he had pretty much confessed to all of it, and it was pretty much every female patient with dementia, and a couple of the men. He said he never did anything but use his hands and mouth, which is bad enough. But he thought that was a valid defense of it, that he didn’t get off on it, it wasn’t for him.

As the gossip went around, I thought it was crazy, and his argument that it was for the patients absurd; he only did it to patients that weren’t in their right minds, or at least none that were said he did anything after being interviewed by police. If this was some special service, why not offer it to all?

Thing is, he probably could have found patients that would have been happy to accept such services. Some old folks are horny as hell. I lost track of how many either propositioned me or outright tried to jump my bones. Mostly women at that. But the fact that he didn’t made his defense of it a joke.

And, yeah, he did jail time. Can’t remember what the rumor mill said it was, but he took a plea deal that was something like ten years with parole eligibility. So, not exactly the kind of time I had hoped for. Like, if he’d been banging the patients that wanted sex? It’s unethical, but I wouldn’t have a personal mad on about it. Yeah, he’d need to lose his job, but it’s a different thing than targeting the ones incapable of consent, I wouldn’t have cared about him shagging an aware and consenting patient any more than I would two aware and consenting patients going at it, no emotional concern, just professional.

The facility also shelled out a supposedly brutal settlement to the families of the patients involved, though afaik, nobody knew how big it was.

And that, folks, is reason 3780 I’ll never go in a nursing home as long as I can move enough to off myself or run away.

We were upgrading computers to go to windows 8, they decided for new machines for everyone. There was a pallet of computers outside the IT office.

One day the IT reported he was missing a couple computers. Boss decides not to publicize that and put up a camera.

Next day they walked out a guy who had been working as a temp for a year and had just been converted to full time. They told him if the computers came back they wouldn’t go to the police

When I worked retail the manager was robbing the till for ages. He also just wasn’t turning up for work and was logging in and off by phone to make it look like he was.

It was a good day when he went.

I got two that I can recall from my retail days.

The first one was a nice dude, but he was weird. We were in the back room one day, and he just decided to shout fuck as loud as he could out the door leading to the sales floor. He was fired a few minutes later. The dumbass didn’t think he would get caught.

The second one was a manager and who would steal tools that were used in the auto department and then sell them, a bit of money laundering, and he would ring up expensive but wrong tires and then charge the customer. He would then get it refunded in cash and then charge them for the correct amount, then he would pocket the difference. When they found out what he was doing, he fled out west, leaving his wife and kids behind. No idea if they ever caught him.

Here is a bonus one. The dude was also a manager, but he abandoned his job. Dude and his wife were swingers, and he ended up sleeping with someone whose husband never approved of the lifestyle. Apparently the guy was a pretty big dude that threatened him and his entire family, so he just fled to the north, and we never heard from him again.

The confederate flag southern lesbian server who berated younger male servers got walked after a particularly nasty day on the line. Made like a 16 year old twink cry.

Saw her come out the chef officeupset said “whatd you get fired” she got red faced and left.

Good riddance.

Other was a chef who when I cleaned out his office found a 90% empty bottle of absinthe. Connected a lot of dots. Dude was just done.

Other chef literally couldn’t read and his wife wrote his emails. The story was we weren’t getting avocado’s because he couldn’t spell them properly in the hardies ordering system. He said they were out lol. They moved this dude across the country out of desperation and got a dude whose only skill was interviewing.

There’s more was only there 3 years 🙃

We had people drinking leen on the line to no repercussions. It took a lot to get fired during covid