• lolola@lemmy.blahaj.zoneEnglish
    951·
    24 hours ago

    > be me
    > greek philosopher
    > love wisdom
    > realize eating animals is kinda fucked up
    > go veg
    > “oh yeah well what about protein dumbass?”
    > plebs forgot one thing
    > BEANS
    > eat beans nonstop
    > all beans all the time
    > beans beans beans
    > everything starts to smell like beans
    > breath smells like beans
    > farts smell like beans

    pff w/e this is wise af

    > fap to own wisdom
    > cum smells like beans

    Fellow philosophers, I have just concluded a series of rigorous scientific experiments…

    • fossilesque@mander.xyzOPMEnglish
      12·
      11 hours ago

      MOTHERFUCKER DIED FOR BEANS

      https://philosophynow.org/issues/78/The_Death_of_Pythagoras

      Although the death of Pythagoras hinges midway between myth and history, it hung on the weightiness of a mere bean. Whether lima, pinto, or fava was never recorded, but Pythagoras died for that bean. It was a bean which contained within it a new view of the cosmos which would infiltrate the crevices of people’s beliefs, insinuating itself into the world and persisting for more than a millennium.

      […]

      There were many rules to follow if you were to be accepted into the Pythagorean Brotherhood. Fail in any of these and you were likely to be cast out from them with great ceremony. A mock funeral would be performed and you would no longer exist in the minds of the Brotherhood. One rule that could never be broken was the edict to refrain from eating beans. This stemmed partially from the Pythagorean precept that each person should strive for tranquillity and peace, savoring the harmony which mirrored the harmony of the heavens, the outer boundaries of the universe. But eat a plateful of beans and see what this brings you! The gurgling and squeezings of your intestines becomes anything but tranquil. Further, one Pythagorean goal was to purify the body and psyche so that one could return to the sun and rise even beyond the sun to the stars and the Milky Way, for which purification beans were counterproductive. But there was a deeper reason for omitting beans from the diet. It was believed that to eat a bean was akin to eating human flesh.

      […]

      Suddenly Pythagoras came to a stop. A vast bean field stretched before him. He stood frozen, uncertain what to do. His eyes focused on a single bean dangling inches from his papyrus- covered feet. So true was he to his ideals that, even at the risk of losing his own life, he was unwilling to trample upon even a single bean. Staring down upon that vibrant bean, the sun low in the sky, he imagined it to be blossoming into a divine ripeness before him. And as he stood there, hesitating, contemplating his next move, his pursuers caught up with him. They lifted their weapons, and bringing the knifes down hard, spilled Pythagoras’ blood on the plants – ending his life for the sake of a bean, and for the deep wisdom immersed in that diminutive cosmic object.