A soup.

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Joined 2 years ago
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Cake day: June 8th, 2023

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  • I had a dream I was within the blast radius of a nuclear bomb. My skin vaporized and it felt very cold for a very split second then it felt like all of my body just split apart and went everywhere all at once. Too quick to hurt.

    I became sand and my awareness was everywhere in a pile. I had no bodily awareness and nothing felt like anything. I just felt an odd sense of calm and coziness. Time went on maybe but sand just shifted and moved. Peaceful and weird.

    I woke up feeling weirded out.








  • Agreed. I was at a party and I got blackout drunk and regained my awareness as I was sitting on a log barfing. To my right is a psychology student holding my shoulders and stroking my hair. She then walks me home, invites herself in, empties the entire contents of her purse in my shared living room, then takes me back to my room and rides me for an undisclosed amount of time.

    Psychology student sex was weird that one time.

    And don’t even get me started on civil engineers…








  • Last night I tried doing the Corruption and Conscience quest in Cheydenhall and got to the very end.

    It told me to wait 2 hours before meeting a dude at a tavern. I waited 2 hours and the dude never showed up. Turns out you’re supposed to wait in front of the tavern and not right next to him. Totally bugged, can’t complete it.

    I looked it up and used a console command which reset his character and allowed me to finish the quest but at the expense of any and all future achievements (since using a single console command removes steam achievements).

    Had to decide if quest completion or achievements were more important to me. Sucks.


  • I took 3 grams of shrooms and on the comedown, I started getting my usual “it would be very fun but very shameful to have sex with a guy” thoughts. It made me so upset. Why am I so messed up that I’m super into women but every now and then think sex with a guy could be very nice??? I usually shoved those thoughts back in my head where they were to be forgotten (until the next time they popped up).

    I went to have a shower with my wife to try and shake this feeling off. Halfway through the shower it comes back like a fucking train through my chest and I collapse to the floor sobbing. My life is genuinely over and my world is spiralling out of control. She asks me what’s wrong and I tell her everything. I’m the most ashamed I’ve ever been in my life and wish I could cease to exist in that moment.

    She responds “oh that means you’re bi! That’s awesome! That means we can have MMF threesomes!”

    All of a sudden it clicks. Guys can be bi too. It’s not just for women. This horrific self hatred, shame, and guilt that made me feel like a true outcast and alien my entire life was unnecessary.

    I go online and all of a sudden I realize that there are thousands and thousands of guys just like me.

    Fucking wild.

    She’s the only one who knows and will know because my entire family is very homophobic. My father sat us all down once and said “if I find out ANY of you are gay you won’t be on this earth for much longer”.