Honestly half of people are going to hate you no matter what you do. Might as well be yourself and be happy and enjoy life. Transitioning was the greatest decision I ever made and has been the most positive but scary choice I ever made. There is no price you can put on feeling normal. Not normal in the sense that you are like everyone else, but normal in the sense that you feel like a normal human being who doesn’t have to hide stuff, and you like who you are in the mirror.
I never really took an interest in anything and I always had a lot of anger and shame and darkness. I didn’t even realize how much of this was tied to the fact that I was trying to be someone that I wasn’t. I thought transitioning would mildly improve my life and happiness, but felt it was important to do it because of all the hate, and that people needed to see that someone like me could be a trans person. When I actually did it. It was like the first day of my life. I didn’t even realize how much disphoria I had. I never realized just how much more I liked myself as a girl. I’m one of those people who was very trans and had a hard time ever being a guy. There was really never any other option for me, but nevertheless I did try extremely hard to learn to be a guy and to try to be. It made me miserable and ashamed constantly.
Now I do have a little discomfort. Seeing just how trans I really was is kind of scary, not for me but for others. I was so deluded, and I feel really bad for those people who are like me but never figured it out. I also feel bad because so many people think being trans is just some lifestyle choice people make. I’m sure it is for some people. That’s okay. Yet so many trans people could never do anything else, and it scares me that society tries so hard to shame people for it and lie about us, and that people are so dumb they think that lying and trying to be normal, is something everyone can and should do.
That’s why normies have a hard time understanding us. They are used to wearing the same clothes having the same haircut, pretending to like the same things as their peers, and yet they also can feel love and they have a typical sexuality. They don’t hate how they look as their own gender. Those people will just never understand what it’s like to have disphoria and to be almost psychologically nonfunctional and Inca deep state of depression because your entire inner world is wrapped in shame.
It doesn’t help that the weakest and most pathetic of all men are in charge of our nation now. The types of people who can only bully and pick on what they perceive as being the smallest minority that has the least power. Trump and the Republicans attack trans people because they feel it’s safe to hate us, that we have the least popularity, because there are the least consequences for attacking us. Something I personally try to counteract, but it is what it is.
Despite all of this. I am finally healthy and motivated and I have this ever elusive almost non-existent thing on this planet. Happiness, real happiness. I smile when I see my feminine body in the mirror. I get excited about life. I giggle and laugh and nothing seems all that serious to me anymore. For the first time in my life. I am alive. I am breathing. Not walking the earth like some demon punished by reality, but alive, happy, true to myself. I have lost weight, started to eat healthy. I have become a better parent, a better friend. I let go of my delusions. I became braver. I stopped caring about about material things, but also I find it easier to save and to plan for my future. Money may be unobtainable but happiness is not.
All the money in the world will never buy you happiness or a smile when looking in the mirror. In that way I have become wealthier than all the corporations who try to Lord over us. When I see some dude in a costume with a Hitler haircut on tv. I can smile knowing that I’m actually happy while they are always going to be miserable and hurt themselves in their own confusion. They will be miserable because they are horrible human beings, I was sad because I lost many friends. Yet at the end of the day I sleep well, because my heart is pure. I am not hurting others or making the world a worse place. These people who oppose us, they are hurting all the time and they sell their souls for money. I sleep like a baby, with a smile on my face, even if incels want to call us things because they don’t understand us. They also can’t sleep well at night. Not that I wish them bad, but being a bad person and a hateful person is punishment enough in itself. Being a good person and knowing yourself is reward enough in itself. Being a decent human being, telling the truth, being brave. These are not just virtues for society, but for your own soul. True happiness does come from being a good person.
If you are a baby trans, you can do it on your own time if you are scared. You don’t have to tell others. It is very scary at first. I spent 3 years crying as I unscrambled my brain, but when I started treatment it was night and day. I realized being trans was much deeper than just my identity. It was my brain chemistry. It was my emotional stability. My energy levels. From the day I started treatment my mental health improved significantly because believe it or not there is a deep biological basis to many trans people that causes them to not be healthy with the wrong hormones. This was strangely affirming if not also shocking. Realizing that it wasn’t just in my head or wishful thinking but a very real reality. It’s also the thing that disturbed me the most. I realize now just how many people out there suffer everyday because they brain is poisoned by their bodies own hormones and I see how hard it is for so many people to get the treatment they need because of the hate and misunderstanding which is made worse by the hateful and ignorant people who don’t care if we suffer.
Thanks for this comment. What you wrote about really resonates with me. I recently admitted to myself that I was a trans woman and have started taking steps towards transitioning. It’s super slow here but I’m on a waiting list at least. I basically ended up getting paralyzed by depression a couple of years ago and consequently fired from my job. I really hope I get some happiness from estrogen because I have never really been happy before.
It really helped me a lot. Like more than I imagined. I was really scared at first but the day I started treatment most of those feelings just went away. The testosterone really makes you focus a lot on how you are perceived by others and it makes you worry a lot about being seen as unmasculine. One of the unexpected positive effects.
My best advice would be to get hormones as fast as possible, and you don’t have to take a huge dose at first if you don’t want to. The higher dose makes your secondary sexual characteristics much stronger. Keeping a lower baseline will still give you a lot of feminization without losing the ability to pass as a guy. Also start building the wardrobe now. I buy one thing usually when I get paid. This way it doesn’t become extremely expensive. Also wear sunscreen if you work in the sun, and start growing your hair out. Get some decent shampoo, ladies shampoo tends to be much better for your hair but to have nice hair you have to grow out your hair starting with the good shampoo.
Also you don’t have to tell everyone your business. I kept it secret for a while, until I started hormones. Don’t make your life complicated. You don’t owe anyone an explanation. Also make sure you think about your future! Eat well, try to think about a career, brush your teeth and have fun watching yourself become the person you want to be in the mirror. My favorite part is seeing myself in the mirror. I love myself now and I hope you will as well. Good luck! Reach out if you need someone to talk to.
It’s good to hear. I am currently way more preoccupied with what other people think and it’s exhausting. As far as dosage goes, I want to go all in from the beginning. I’ve heard that the majority of boob growth happens in the first three years so I want to be close to the max dose with estrogen and progesterone. I want those curves, you know. The only concern is that I don’t want to be cut out of the inheritance lol.
As for the wardrobe I’ would pretty much get away with a few sweater dresses and leggings. I want stylish comfy clothes. Anything else I can borrow from my partner who is a similar size to me. I have never used men’s shampoo because it smells like shit. And as far as sun damage goes, in just over a month I’ll be saying goodbye to the sun until January. One of the advantages of living in the high north.
Better if the voices calling you horrible things don’t come from inside your head. IMHO
I chose the right path.
Loving yourself is one of the most important things in life. People who hate you for your gender identity are not worth your time.
I’ve hated myself for long enough, no more. If people hate me because I’m trans, that’s a reflection on them.
The right path is the only good one. Even in the worst way to look at it, thinking you’re fucked either way, might as well go for the route where you get to explore and better understand myself.
I hated myself before coming out and I still do now, but if I die tomorrow, I’ll die with some self love in my heart that no self-hatred can take away.
Good thing everyone already hated me :D
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This isn’t about me, as I chose the right path years ago. It’s about the choice closeted people in more places than before are currently facing
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Still, being hated should exist at all.
I hate how adverse to change homo sapiens’ brains are wired that they refuse to accept and welcome trans folks just as welcoming kids into adulthood.
Bigotry should have ended millennia ago.It’s too useful for maintaining power when someone is a piece of shit.
Anger is also not only a well-known motivator, but also rage really puts on the blinders - focusing them on their target, and making open-minded thinking even more unlikely than before.
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why can’t you be trans in the Confederacy of Independent Systems?
Just be yourself, and stop giving a fuck what others think. I mean, be realistic, and be prepared to protect yourself from the innumerable assholes out there. There’s always gonna be assholes of some type of another. They’ll make up a reason to hate on you if they have to, so it doesn’t really much matter in the end. I’d rather be myself than live in fear, constantly trying to guess how best not to trigger the assholes.
Or you can be both and be trans in a Commonwealth of Independent States country
