I suspect she’s bipolar. One minute she tells me how much she “loves” me, then later tells me I’m “害人害物” which doesn’t really translate well, but its like… I think its meant as “everything/everyone you come in contact with gets harmed by you”, basically similar to “burden/menace on society”

For context, I have depression. And I have been helping a lot with the family bussiness for a long time since I was a teen, and still am doing a lot for them, but now less so due to depression, but apparantly its not enough to their standards. I just want treatment for depression, which is her fault that I have depression btw. I have a fucking headache/migraine related to depression that I can’t even do anything without just being fucking exhaused all the time. For like the past year, I didn’t even get to see a doctor because “just go outside”, they say. I mean wtf, fuck fuck fuck my head hurts, the world is so terrifying to me, all it reminds me is crime, shitty cops everywhere, and that school fight that got me arrested for standing up to a bully and self-defence.

Idk, I was supposed to call, and make an appointment, but then I kinda procrastinated and was busy doing stuff.

I’m kinda suspecting everyone in my family has problems. They are all racists, LGBT-phobic, bigoted dipshits. It’s a miracle that somehow I didn’t inherit their bigotry.

My parents never took the idea of mental health seriously. To them, they see it like some weird person in weird outfits (the doctors) telling them their brain is abnormal. nah, I’m fine, they think. They just don’t trust expertise and think they know everything. I mean, they don’t even get lawyers, and represented themselves in court, to save money from the lawyers who are trying to “scam” them. Like, lolol guess which side got unfavorable court decisions? I suspect this has something to do with how corrupted doctors (according to them) are in mainland China, so they are projecting those same fears on EVERY healthcare personnel. Just a few days ago, they told me to attend a cousin’s stupid wedding as a guest because the “喜氣” (good luck chi?) is gonna “cleanse” me of the “evil spirits” (aka: what they view as the actual problem instead of “depression”). Or some weird irritating necklace is gonna protect me from the evils. 🤦‍♂️

They think doctors are equivalent to like a fortune teller. What the fuck?

But also, for physical health problems, they suddenly value doctor’s opinions more.

What the fuck?

In many East Asian families, mental health issues don’t exist. You’re either pretending to gather sympathy, or you are a crazy psycopath that needs to be locked up. Autistic people get discriminated a lot in mainland China, idk what the government think about it, but society definitely has a hostile attitude towards autistic people, you’d probably never see a person with Down’s Symdrome in a school with “normal kids”, and Universities can kick out a student for their Autism with no legal anti-discrimination protection. That’s the society. I think the One Child Policy and lack of social services like social security exacerbated this sentinment. They are so afraid of disability that its a social stigma. If your only child has a disability, your retirement is supposedly fucked. The whole village just refers to the parents as “hey have you heard about that family with the ‘傻仔’ (stupid child)(the original word spoken to me is in 台山話 (Taishanese) so idk what exactly they said, so this is the closest characters I could find that matched the meaning)”. This was not reference to me, but someone else in either my father or mother’s village. Like… this is hiw they talk on WeChat… Like… zero sympathy or political correctness, the whole village see you as a useless being, not worthy of life, a “useless eater” basically.

TLDR: My mother probably has bipolar, but there is no official diagnosis.