• mavu@discuss.tchncs.de
    link
    fedilink
    arrow-up
    68
    arrow-down
    1
    ·
    24 hours ago

    Hey Anon, you did great!

    In this situation, as in many in life, Judo rules apply: Go with the punch, don’t push against it.
    This was a win, you just need to recognize it as that.

    • you proved yourself that you have lots of courage
    • you were not a creep when talking to a stranger
    • you dodged a bullet with that woman.
    • you tried something new. (might not have worked out at the first try, but can’t really expect to be that lucky)

    keep it up, don’t lose heart, you’ll find your match.

    • AdolfSchmitler@lemmy.world
      link
      fedilink
      arrow-up
      11
      arrow-down
      1
      ·
      23 hours ago

      Great comment, cold approaching in any situation can be intimidating but at the end of the day the worst that can happen is they say “no”. And then you can go home and get high or drunk or whatever and not care. Each rejection hurts a little less each time.

      • blarghly@lemmy.world
        link
        fedilink
        English
        arrow-up
        7
        arrow-down
        1
        ·
        22 hours ago

        I mean, better solution is to go hang with your friends and commiserate. Which, imo, is always something dating advice seems to avoid talking about. Dating is hard. Having a solid social support system to pick you back up again is crucial.

  • gmtom@lemmy.world
    link
    fedilink
    arrow-up
    66
    arrow-down
    10
    ·
    2 days ago

    Nah but for real if some random stranger at a bar overheard me saying I’m single and then came up to me and my friends like that I would be a little creeped out too.

    I wouldn’t be mean about it, but I definitely wouldn’t say yes.

    • canofcam@lemmy.world
      link
      fedilink
      arrow-up
      24
      arrow-down
      12
      ·
      1 day ago

      This is definitely one of those ‘creepy if ugly’ moments. If he was a handsome guy, it would be romantic and has almost definitely happened in a million Hallmark movies.

      • Sibshops@lemmy.myserv.one
        link
        fedilink
        arrow-up
        6
        ·
        19 hours ago

        You are probably not wrong, super attractive people can get away with cringy things. Wouldn’t be a good strategy for an average looking person, however.

      • squaresinger@lemmy.world
        link
        fedilink
        arrow-up
        14
        arrow-down
        3
        ·
        1 day ago

        Listening in on conversations is creepy, no matter how good-looking a person is.

        And that stuff happens in movies doesn’t mean it isn’t creepy in real-life.

      • Madzielle@lemmy.dbzer0.com
        link
        fedilink
        English
        arrow-up
        6
        arrow-down
        1
        ·
        edit-2
        23 hours ago

        Handsome/Ugly is in the eye of the person, remember. Just because one person found you not attractive, doesn’t mean they all do.

        Fuck Hallmark movies, Don’t make me vomit

        • blarghly@lemmy.world
          link
          fedilink
          English
          arrow-up
          4
          ·
          22 hours ago

          Of course everyone is entitled to have their own opinion of what is beautiful. But there are some pretty obvious statistical convergences.

          • Madzielle@lemmy.dbzer0.com
            link
            fedilink
            English
            arrow-up
            0
            arrow-down
            1
            ·
            17 hours ago

            Sure, but personally, I don’t give a fuck about that. I don’t find conventionally attractive people, good looking. They don’t do it for me. And If I, just one person feels this way, and I’ve met other’s like this too, there must be more.

            Just tryin to put that beacon of hope out.

            • blarghly@lemmy.world
              link
              fedilink
              English
              arrow-up
              1
              ·
              15 hours ago

              Sure. But I think it is better to set realistic expectations. After all, it you don’t expect much, then you won’t feel so bad when it doesn’t manifest. With false hope, you are crushed each time your hopes don’t meet reality. In the long run, realistic expectations serve us better because we can see how our efforts lead us to the results we desire.

              This isn’t to say that conventionally unattractive people should give up all hope and dispair. It just means they should temper their expectations relative to their more attractive counterparts, and should focus on things which are within their circle of control, like fitness, grooming, style, lifestyle, mindset, and number of people talked to.

              • Madzielle@lemmy.dbzer0.com
                link
                fedilink
                English
                arrow-up
                1
                ·
                edit-2
                13 hours ago

                Both those things, saving hope, while going into things with no expectations or “realistic” expectations are both very compatible.

                You can have realistic hope. It’s exactly as you describe in your second paragraph. Good stuff.

      • blarghly@lemmy.world
        link
        fedilink
        English
        arrow-up
        2
        arrow-down
        3
        ·
        edit-2
        22 hours ago

        It’s not so much creepy if ugly, so much as creepy if not confident.

        And the way to become confident in something is to do it a bunch of times.

        Lesson being, it’s okay if someone thinks you’re creepy. You’re just in the process of developing a new skill.