It’s way easier to accidentally misgender people you know than it is for a stranger. I sometimes misgender or deadname my sister because I’ve known her as a him with a different name way longer, and sometimes my brain just resets to factory default.
Yup, I’ve been there.
A friend of mine from the first job I had after high school transitioned maybe ten years ago (a time gap of about twenty years).
She would get pissed that I would deadname her, and sometimes use the wrong pronouns, partially because I would meet other trans people through her and never fuck up. I kept apologizing, and explained that it isn’t intentional, it’s just decades of brain patterns being laid down with the old name. It took me damn near five years to totally switch over without an occasional fuckup.
It’s a thing, it turns out. Even the most supportive, staunch allies have trouble switching those patterns because they’re kinda etched into the brain. It happens when people make other name changes too. Happens with titles after promotions, with surnames after marriage, or just random name changes for personal preference. Name changes during transition aren’t any different in the amount of time it takes to switch gears.
Doesn’t really make it any easier for the trans person, of course, but at least it can help them to know it isn’t intentional.
Hell, I have friends who have changed their names for non-transy reasons. I just kinda suck with names to begin with, so it takes a minute for their names to click so I don’t accidentally deadname Becky (yeah I wonder why she goes by her middle name now) and some of my other friends I’ve known since we were knee high to a grasshopper. Hell, one’s my cousin and it can take me ten minutes to remember which variation of his name he’s using this decade. It’s kind of easier to remember my trans friends’ new names because (at least with my friends specifically) their name change coincided with a look change and I’m a very visual person.
Yeah, people gonna fuck up. Imo, better to assume mistake than malice
Haven’t really had to deal with this much, but getting immediate family member’s name correct the first time is a challenge for me even when they’ve always had the same name. If their names start with the same letter, their names may get mixed up often…
I too have to check my license and probably also ask what year it is when anyone asks me how old I am.
I missed a job opportunity because in my CV I was 24yo, in the interview I said I was 26yo, then corrected myself and realized I haven’t had my birthday this year.
Probably dodged a bullet if they are that uptight lol
There were likely other reasons. It’s not like the person doing the interview is going to say, “you did great, if it wasn’t for the age thing we would have hired you. You really fucked that up.”
After the milestone birthdays are done, you can drink, rent a car cheaper, etc, there’s not much of a point to remember exactly how old you are. Most people I know screw it up all the time starting sometime in their mid-20s when your birthday becomes just another day.
That sucks
I spent a whole year thinking I was a year younger once.
I would argue that making a mistake or not knowing does not count as misgendering.
The mistake is still a misgender. It’s just whether it’s interpreted as rude or not.
Once they are corrected, it will be MUCH easier to tell if they’re intentionally being rude or not.
I misgendered a trans person I worked with once when nobody else was around. I tracked him down later and apologized. He said if he spent all his time being mad about that, he’d always be mad… but I made sure to get it right after that.
Noo. You have to know the gender to commit the act of misgendering in the first place. You have to believe it is x and yet use y.
This. With normal people a simple correction is all is needed.
Transphobes will however misgender you repeatedly
From age 40, I keep forgetting how old I am by a year. I thought I was 41 throughout 40, and all through 41 I thought I was already 42. I’ll do the math every few months and realize the mistake, then forget about it and make the mistake again.
I’m 29 (maybe?), and this has been happening for a while.
anyone born in the year 2000: I have no such weakness
Imagine being born on January 1st 2000
I thought we had a trans woman at work because some guy kept saying her name wrong. I thought he was being a bigot, turns out he just wasn’t saying it right.
What was the name?
Brosephanie.
Actually had to check my ID last week in order to remember my own birthday
Not too long ago, I was filling out a form and had to ask my wife my age. She had to think about it for a minute. We’re the same age.
Every person’s birthday that im supposed to remember I usually am a day or two off. I consider that a win!
I misgender people because there is only 1 gender… that is people of god. Woman was made with the rib of man. Use this in the future if you want to brain fuck a religious zealot
Sorry, who birthed you?
My mom birthed me ;)
This is actually the real problem with this whole custom gender nonsense. Even in an attempt to do the right thing, you get confused because your brain tells you something but you’re not sure. It caused tons of social awkwardness. It’s not how normal people communicate, and I lived through some real problems that happened when normal people tried to be nice, and the trans person was just being offended for lack of understanding of the situation and how it’s confusing.
The solution in my case is to just not be friends with anyone who religiously demand to confuse me. Buh-bye!
Now call me all the names you want. Couldn’t care less.
It sounds like you’re doing the right thing by leaving people alone and not bothering them with your company! Good for the people around you!
Absolutely. I like to keep mentally ill people, including you, away from me.
Now fuck off.
Why do you even bother commenting if all you do is fly off the handle?
It’s fun watching SJWs screech.
You overestimate your impact on the world and the people in it, my dear. Hope you feel better.
In fact, I underestimate your brains. I consider you zoo animals. Fun to watch and hit their cages. Keep screeching… maybe I’ll “feel bad and change my mind” 🤣
You are SO bad at this.
Oh no! not our non-existent cages that you hit, anything but your delusional fantasies 😩 how am I supposed to sleep when you literally do nothing thousands of miles away 😭
Is that what you are? You’re the only person here screeching.
Depends where you’re standing. I love watching you nut jobs label everyone who disagrees with your psychotic cultism. It’s really fun! It’s like having some mice in a cage, and rattle the cage a little. Hahahahahahaha!
Again you’re the only person doing what you’re describing. No one has labeled you anything. You however immediately started labeling people after replying to you.
… said the person who couldn’t care less.
Yep, and that person tells you to go fuck yourself too! 😁
Calling you names, and honestly addressing you in this comment, is more than you are worth.
Go fuck yourself.
Removed by mod
That doesn’t mean you still can’t go fuck yourself!
Calm down ma’am. Don’t get your knickers in a twist now. It’s not a good look.
Go fuck yourself, too! Don’t forget your little friend there.
You sure are acting hysterical. I think maybe you need to take a lie down and a few deep breaths miss.
I’m having a ball watching you cry for pronouns. Can you be more pathetic? You can’t even if you tried!
I’m not the one spitting my dummy out like a little girl. If any of us are crying about pronouns, it would appear to be you. You know… since you’re so upset about them existing. I’m merely pointing out how silly you look.
Oh, no… an opinion of a stranger online!
(Did I do that right?)
Aces!
Spoken like a true douchebag.
With honor! Being labeled douche bag by nut jobs just means I’m doing very well!
