God I love the onion
Right. This was so much better than I thought it was gonna be. Not just a cheap laugh.
Crikey… did you see this one?
Blacker rhan the void humor.
This one is pretty savage too.
These are some of the hardest onion articles I’ve read.
one dying woman holding her 6-year-old son who had just been killed in a bombing is said to have doubled down by telling her child she loved him.
Jesus wept.
Jesus wept.
Nahh… if Jesus was here, he’d take a holy flamethrower to this shit. Israel wouldn’t be first on the list (that would be the Roman Catholic Church), but it would be up there.
OMG, the signatures at the end. Lol!
What’s the story with the signatures? Feel like I’m OOTL on that.
Great piece though.
I think they signed with wrong names to not get attacked. I can only read Ted Kaczynski.
There’s the Unibomber for one.
One is Hockey Hall of Famer Joe Sakic (#19)
“What of the tens of thousands of Palestinian civilians killed before this attack?” some may ask. Our response is simply that we aren’t going to engage with that because it would be too hard. We also won’t be addressing Palestinians living in refugee camps without access to clean water, electricity, or housing. Others may ask, “Isn’t it your responsibility to provide context, particularly on thorny issues such as this one?” To that, we merely say: No, shut up. You’re being annoying.
Damn these guys are good. Managing to satirize the media, take a hands-off approach, and still raise valid points all in a couple paragraphs.
Perhaps some evidence there still is some life in the onion, even if its been sitting in the pantry a little too long and starting to look a little sketchy.
Trump admin was a little too insane to satirize effectively, I think. They try to stay playful while biting, with only the occasional blunt headline.
Basically, Trump only deserved single-entendre, and that’s not really what they do.
The Onion has been killing it recently. They must have gotten new writers cuz they seemed to fall away for awhile. They’re definitely back on top now though.
I think it’s because the cupboard the onion lives in is currently on fire
Well yeah, they asked the IDF to airstrike their offices in case they have Hamas breeding more terrorists in there.
I hear someone dipped their roots in a glass of water
Satire is one of the few things in this world that really cuts straight into the absurdity of humanity. I wish the solutions were as easy as pointing out what a clown car this planet is.
Things, ideas, movements and people are only as important as people make them to be.
If enough people believed that only wearing a sock over your genitals was acceptable … people would only wear a sock over their genitals.
When you start looking at the world in this light and analyse what we decide on what is important and what is not … the world starts to look like a very weird place.
As George Carlin put it …
“I have as much authority as the Pope … I just don’t have as many people who believe it”
And this is why learning history matters. It gives context for these friggin bizarre norms that accumulate. It allows us to realize when the norms are useful, we’re useful and are no longer needed, or we’re always just humans being weird.
Legit. People with no grasp of history get mad about trans people like it’s a new thing when 16th century Europeans would castrate young boys for musical performances
I’m surprised they still had people auditioning, that’s dedication.
Money’s a very nice incentive.
Uh you’re not going to believe this, but the parents volunteered the boys.
Learning history is depressing because you realize humanity is just wave after wave of the same stupid dumb shit generation after generation with only marginal gains towards clawing back power from the elite that have ALWAYS run this world.
That quote is top notch.
Every time I see George Carlin mentioned on the web it always is a positive surprise.
The Red Hot Chili Peppers approve this message.
WE WANT CHILI WILLIE!!!
Until critical mass admits that it is in fact a circus and we are all the clowns, nothing will change.
Small detail some might miss, one of the editorial board signatures is Ted Kaczynski.
Brilliant paragraph:
“What of the tens of thousands of Palestinian civilians killed before this attack?” some may ask. Our response is simply that we aren’t going to engage with that because it would be too hard. We also won’t be addressing Palestinians living in refugee camps without access to clean water, electricity, or housing. Others may ask, “Isn’t it your responsibility to provide context, particularly on thorny issues such as this one?” To that, we merely say: No, shut up. You’re being annoying.
Writing like that is why the Onion is the greatest satire publication in the world.
Nice detail on the signature.
Btw the latin they sign off with ‘Tu stultus es’ is gramatically badly written Latin saying ‘You are stupid’.
Romanes eunt domus
Damn they’re on fire lol.
Man every once in a while The Onion demonstrates how satire is supposed to be used. This is remarkable.
This is not a real news article but we’ll allow it in this instance because it sheds light on very real issues.
Please refrain from posting non news articles next time.
Okay 👍
I got permanently banned from /r/worldnews because criticizing Israel is “misinformation”
Well, what the fuck were you doing at reddit in the first place?!
I’ve completely replaced reddit with Lemmy on my phone, I still sometimes check some bigger subreddits when on my pc. Or subs like HFY that has no equivilant.
Ashamed to admit it, but for me Reddit is hard to kick. I would spend hours on various subs and writing comments. I had 8.5 years invested till I got kicked out. I didn’t realize how much time I was spending on the site until that happened.
I dropped it cold turkey after 15 years. I’ve gone back and looked at it a couple times and noped the fuck out of there. No regrets.
They really are ramping up the suspensions and kicking users out for good. I used a slang word for cigarette and I got suspended for a week. I told them to go back and read my comment, there was not any malice behind it. No dice…
Seems like you know what you did on purpose
Hfy?
And I know what you’re saying. I was being facetious. I sometimes check reddit at work too.
HFY (humanity, fuck yeah) was a sub for short stories about humans being cooler than aliens. Not in a self congratulatory way, but like how humans could feasibly have good or useful traits that alien species might not. Such as creativity or physical prowess due to being top of the food chain in a competitive ecosystem.
There’s a Lemmy alternative but not a lot of traction.
I’ve been going there just to shit on Israel. It’s fun to watch my karma go to zero. What will I ever do with my lost fortune?
I got banned from Reddit permanently because I had commented on an article of pertaining to enemies of the state. I said that traitors should be hung. So a bit strong but it was not directed to a particular person.
Me too for saying
If I went out like this, I would have this shit framed and hung over the fireplace.
Removed by mod
Lol! I got banned off r/worldnews for that exact same thing three days ago. Got permabanned off reddit this morning.
The rivets are coming off their old propaganda machine in regards to Israel, and they are desperate to plug all the holes.
Removed by mod
See, this on the other hand is bullshit. You know that there is an antisemitic conspiracy saying that “ThE jEwS cOntRol eVeRyThIng”. Why you gotta stoke that shit?
Removed by mod
You lost me at Elon Musk.
Try to exercise critical thinking. If you can that is.
If you’re so good at critically thinking, why not say whatever it is you’re trying to say instead of relying on a 4chanesque pseudomeme?
Haha ok troll.
Children with bone-cancer control the narrative?
Edit: also, this is often phrased as “To learn who rules over you, simply find out who you are not allowed to criticize” which is a quote from a literal neo Nazi and kiddie porn enthusiast, Kevin Alfred Strom.
(((They))) don’t want you to know, but behind The Jews is the Kancer Kid Kabala, who really controls everything!!!
Kancer Kid Kabala? Didn’t they defend Earthrealm with the Kombat Kids?
As a bonus, those neo-fascists don’t like being criticized either, by claiming they’re being affected by the unfair “cancel culture”.
The onion nails it again.
I’m glad at least Krystal and Kyle are trying to throw some water of sanity on the raging wildfires of bad takes out there.
So are Cenk and Ana at TYT. Please give them a listen. 6pm EST / 3PM PST daily on YouTube for the main show.
Thank you. Glad you mentioned them. I should have also said Kyle Kulinski and Krystal Ball (Secular Talk, Breaking Points) and not assumed everyone knew who I was talking about.
Here is an alternative Piped link(s):
Piped is a privacy-respecting open-source alternative frontend to YouTube.
I’m open-source; check me out at GitHub.
It sucks that we are not allowed to call bad ideas, bad ideas. Especially when it comes to Israel. Criticism is always antisemitism. I’m sorry I don’t believe any country should be able to start an ethnostate and drive millions of people out of an area they have lived for what? Thousands of years? What does Israel think is going to happen? They are teaching a whole new generation to hate them. (as if they already diddnt) This will just cause more terrorist cells to pop up and work to kill more innocent people.
All in the name of some sky daddy. The only reason the US supports Israel is because some 2000 year old work of fiction wrote some doomsday prophecy.
I’m trying to work out why the US is sending an arms package to Israel. The US has already provided Israel with the highest level of technology for its armed forces. It can wipe out it’s neighbours several times over. The world is pleading with Israel to show restraint, and the US is saying “have more missiles, please”.
Yes. This isn’t Ukraine fighting off a bigger invading army. Presumably, Israel has enough weapons and ammunition to fight a war against Lebanon, Egypt, and their other hostile neighbours. Their plan for
ethnic cleansingmilitant suppression in Gaza surely won’t do much to deplete those reserves.This is Israel invading a tiny slice of land that has no army. Sure, there are some militants there, clearly they have some weapons, but is there ever going to be an actual justification for things like artillery or tank shells?
I mean, we all know Israel is going to use them, but they’re going to be using them against civilian infrastructure. And, if Israel is using so many shells that they run out, should the US really be supplying artillery that is 100% going to be used against civilian targets, because there’s literally nothing else to attack in Gaza? If Israel uses so much ammo that it depletes their reserves and threatens their ability to fight a war with Egypt and Lebanon, well shouldn’t Israel show some restraint and not do that?
I’m trying to work out why the US is sending an arms package to Israel.
Because, despite the hundreds of billions in murder-toy allowance the US has given Israel, the Palestinians have pretty much proved with this latest attack that it’s not enough to secure the normalization of the kapo regime’s existence.
I’m getting Tet offensive vibes from all this… and the fact that the US is quickly shoving large naval units into the area just strengthens it.
SkyDaddy sure, but don’t forget American currency is tied to this destruction as well. We didn’t didn’t hustle out those 8-10 bill boats out there because we are fanboys of Bebe. Nothing good ever comes out of messing around in the Middle East. Nothing. It was a mistake for the US to get this involved.
Honestly the popular support from the people who can’t point to Israel on a map is religious.
The governmental support definitely is not based on religion. The US makes semiconductor tech there and Israel is one giant front-line fortress for us. Israel is the Middle Eastern outpost analog to all of the East Asian allies who are littered with US military bases.
My parents and my entire family only support Israel because the Bible says “If Israel falls the world ends”. It’s all the religious right cares about which is a very large part of the US. All of these are just my opinion and i love constuctive conversation. It’s really a massive mix of things and just for me to minimize it to religion isnt exactly right.
I always heard it the other way around. That restoring Israel would bring about the End Times, but also that the End Times are a good thing because it means the Kongdom of God will finally be realized. I went to a pentecostal summer camp, though, so that might have something to do with it.
It’s a prerequisite of the Christian rapture for the Jews to control Israel and Jerusalem.
So basically, they think that the Jews need to be in charge over there so that the sky daddy can abduct people up to heaven when the apocalypse comes. Literally batshit insane. It sounds like something a schizophrenic person came up with.
It sounds like something a schizophrenic person came up with.
It likely is.
Just like “bipolar disorder” used to be called “manic depression”, “schizophrenia” used to be called “prophecy”.
I bet God’s dick is so big that when He wears protection it’s called the Kongdom of God
Lol, didn’t even notice. I’m leaving it
USA support isn’t about any god or ethical stance, it’s about raw geopolitical interests, about maintaining power and hegemony. Israel is a key ally for them in the Middle East, while Palestina is an ally to Iran, which is an ally to Russia and China. Neither of them give a shit about who lives or dies, all of them make human sacrifices on a daily basis. Cold war never ended, and now it’s just getting hotter.
It sucks that we are not allowed to call bad ideas, bad ideas. Especially when it comes to Israel. Criticism is always antisemitism. I’m sorry I don’t believe any country should be able to start an ethnostate and drive millions of people out of an area they have lived for what? Thousands of years?
You literally just did the thing you said “you aren’t allowed to do”. What is going to happen to you now?
Good point, I’m not really talking about here anonymous on lemmy. Talking about other social media sites, Facebook, reddit, in rl to coworkers and at least my family.
One guess as to who gets to define the meaning of the term antisemitism, too: “a certain perception of Jews, which may be expressed as hatred toward Jews. Rhetorical and physical manifestations of anti-Semitism are directed toward Jewish or non-Jewish individuals and/or their property, toward Jewish community institutions and religious facilities.”
Censorship of antigovernment criticism is common in China, North Korea, Russia and other authoritarian states, which include Israel and the United States of America.
Ok I was ready to be disappointed but this is lengendary
Ah, an honest journalism at last
This is a fraught moment, and one that has polarized not only Americans but people all over the world. It demands incredible sensitivity and strict adherence to journalistic standards of objectivity, and simply put, that is something we aren’t willing to do. Rather, we’re just going to say The Onion expresses its steadfast solidarity with Israel and leave it at that.
Finally, and more importantly, it’s because we don’t want to and you can’t make us. You can’t. You seriously can’t. You cannot make us do all of this hard stuff. Ever. Seriously.
Remember Charlie?
The unicorn?
Charlieeee
Candy Mountain, Charlie!
no, no, no, chuuu-pacabra
He bit me! Ow Char-lie!
Good satire but it’s a bit hard to laugh for me, because it just reminds me how shitty people are leading the societies here on dumb Earth.
I think it’s sad how a good ruler is the exception rather than the norm.
