I’ve been fighting off writing this for a while now. I even considered making a throwaway for it, but I guess if its too embarrassing I can delete it.
I’ve sorta come to accept I’m bi in recent years, and I am wondering how I should go about dating and courtship in regards to dating within my same sex (male). Especially since I find femininity to be a key attraction point. I also haven’t dated or had sex in like, three years or more. Its been a while, I kinda stopped caring for myself and focused on work, I am slowly trying to become an interesting person again, get back in shape but its hard. I dunno, man. I’m in my mid-30s and I am trying to figure out what I want out of the world. There’s a bit of lust involved. And I definitely need a hug at the very least.
Furthermore, I live in the Southern part of the US, and the amount of trans hate has me actively wanting out of here (I’m aiming for Colorado) and dating in this part of the Southeast is already difficult as is, in my prior experiences.
How does one navigate this kind of world after coming out? How do I deal with the stigma especially since in the states, there’s a renewed interest in putting people back in the closet?
I’m surprised you would think of leaving rather than staying and being there for the next person in your shoes who cannot follow in your footsteps. The Southern US is a place in desperate need of being rebuilt, as well as what it takes to rebuild. I guess, above all else, never forget who you are.
for a lot of LGBT people it’s a matter of safety. we don’t leave by choice. I’ve known outright internally displaced refugees
That sounds like a matter of cops not doing their job. Harm is harm even there, no?
The cops are part if the problem
I have lived here all my life and I’ve been sick of it for a long time now (for non-sexual orientation reasons). One of the reasons I never really left it, was my father. He passed away last year from dementia-related causes, and that kinda lined up with some personal desires. Atlanta is a gay mecca and I have considered going back to Atlanta, I really miss it so. But at the same time, I’ve visited Colorado and its beautiful out there. I know I should stay here and try to fix things, but I’m in a purple city, Nashville is increasingly expensive (Colorado more so, I am aware), and I don’t like it here anymore for many reasons.
I failed to address the other point of the comment so here goes: There’s a lot I could be doing to help LGBT people here, but my abilities are really limited outside of advocacy and financial support (which I do) by the makeup of the state assembly, and the politicization of the issue being used to gerrymander and twist the legislative. This is a problem all through the South, where purple cities are bastions of sanity. Tennessee isn’t like Georgia, where the tide has pretty much shifted even in rural/suburban areas. It would be a long fight, and i’m not wanting to waste the second half of my life on it, its not guaranteed I can shift things. Anything I can do from the outside for the younger generation to fix it, I will do.
What kind of puritanical ass bullshit is this suffer yourself so other people can have it better mindset
Are you asking about what I said? Because that’s not what I said.
What material support are you giving to LGBT+ people in the south? Because if you aren’t personally helping solve this then it just comes off as preachy. People don’t choose to uproot themselves from their family, friends, and community in the face of increasing violence and state oppression because it just sounds fun.
I definitely wasn’t saying people change places just because it sounds fun. But I was calling into question where the line is drawn.
Why? Seriously, what is that contributing here? Do you think that’s changed anything about the factors that made OP consider leaving the south or helps him in any material way?
I’m not asking you to justify anything, I’m saying your comment was both unnecessary and unhelpful and instead of doing that again in the future you should reconsider.
I was giving my addition to the two cents everyone was giving here, nothing necessarily “necessary” about it; I relatedly did not come with any guarantee of helpfulness, and if by “unnecessary” you mean to imply it was somehow hurtful/destructive to suggest the semantics of how the Southern US ought to be rebuilt, I would’ve never predicted that in a hundred years. I was providing some of the thoughts I have when unwanted people like those homophobes and transphobes march on my world (and yes, I too am LGBT). It is theft. What do you do in response to said theft?
As a trans person who fled the south many years ago because I saw the writing on the wall, you do whatever you have to do to keep yourself safe. And you help the people that need it. You don’t finger wag at them for not doing enough to fix the shit driving them to flee.
Point to what part of what I said constitutes finger wagging or accusing someone of not doing everything they might.
If so much is at stake, there would then seem to be a deeper issue at hand, one relating to the peacekeepers.
I get your sentiment, but as a New Yorker who had to come to florida temporarily due to an unavoidable life event: this place is fucked. I don’t feel safe here, and I’m hoping to gtfo asap. I’m in Orlando, and this is a city with a historic LGBTQ+ community I was once part of 27 years ago, but I saw the writing on the wall back then and left. Today it’s even more hostile and dangerous due to what the governor and state government have done and continue to do.
Staying here and “fighting the good fight” simply isn’t an option for most. It’s a serious risk. Look, mad respect to those who do— often those in positions of privilege who can afford to stand up and fight, but many of us are regular folk, struggling to get by as it is. That makes us targets.
In a way, that makes us civil rights refugees… an entire diaspora forced to flee from state-to-state for fear of persecution, imprisonment, and death.
Did you go back to NY? I came from there not long ago, moved to VT due to a relative passing, and can say NY was one of the best places to be, even compared to VT.
I’m (hopefully) about 2 weeks away if my plans work out. I’ll find out in a few days if they will. 🤞🏻
Planning to move back to Brooklyn, where I’d been living the past 16 years, about 10 blocks away from my last place.
Oh, NYC. I came from the Western part of the state, I can promise we’d welcome you there too if you ever need a larger range.
What a lovely sentiment. Thank you very much. I’ll think about it.