The title is really vague, so I’ll try to clarify my intentions here:

I am an ardent supporter of FOSS. It will be greatly beneficial for my life and especially my privacy to self-host such software. Yet, I cannot find much motivation to do so.

However, when it comes to hosting software for public use, I can usually give my utmost concentration and dedication.

This is not how I want my life to be. I want to be motivated for myself as well as for the community. And if that’s not possible, I need to trick my brain into bringing me into that kind of zone for myself.

What do I do? What would you do in this situation?

  • apotheotic (she/her)@beehaw.orgEnglish
    8·
    5 months ago

    Short answer: Therapy!

    Long answer:

    You’ve identified a problem that you want to fix (willingness to do effort for yourself versus for others) but you haven’t identified the root cause. This is basically one of the situations that therapy is best equipped to help with. It sounds like maybe a self-worth issue but I’m not a therapist so that’s about as valuable as a lace umbrella.

    • Findmysec@infosec.pubOPEnglish
      2·
      5 months ago

      Not sure - I don’t feel like I undervalue myself (although I guess that’s exactly what someone in my situation would say lmao). I just don’t find motivation in doing something solely for myself, and am instead invested in things that I think the community could benefit from. An example would be wanting to run a Public Searx/Invidious instance

      • apotheotic (she/her)@beehaw.orgEnglish
        3·
        5 months ago

        Yeah I hear you! But crucially its

        • a problem you have within yourself, that you’ve identified you want to change
        • a problem you don’t know how to change

        You don’t need to have deep trauma or self-harming tendencies for therapy to be of value to you! But it does indeed sound like I’m off the mark on the self-worth thing. (That’s why I’m not a therapist).

        Worst case scenario, you have a few sessions and don’t find anything to sink your teeth into and you’ve wasted a few hours Better case scenario, you find a root cause or at least a path to a better way of doing things.

        But hey, I tell just about everyone to get therapy :P

      • Ludrol
        1·
        5 months ago

        I think therapy is good path to follow.

        If you don’t want to spend money you could try DIY it but if someone will show you how to use tools for introspective like journaling and emotional averness it will be much easier to start.

        You wrote in other comment that:

        I want to be busy.

        Maybe you should do the opposite. Be bored and see what your mind will do with boredom. Try to do it for a decent about of time like an hour. Maybe you will discover something surprising about yourself.