Later on, George swipes when she shows a picture to get even, finds out she supports the wrong baseball team, and spends the rest of the episode trying to break up with her without revealing whybecause she’d find out that he swiped.
If you have an iPhone you can turn on Guided Access mode by triple clicking the power button.
In guided access mode you can disable touch.
“I tried to stop her, Jerry! I tried!”
It would be fun to make a “No Swipe Image Viewer” app that lets you pick an image to share - and then presents some searing penalty like a screamer to anyone who swipes to the side.
Just be warned, not for the elderly or faint of heart.
I just tell people “don’t swipe unless you wanna see my dick” and that usually does it.
Faceswap the offender’s face onto lemonparty in real time.
We have this technology.
While recording their reaction
“What is the deal with swiping on other people’s phones?”
She’s a swiper, Jerry!
Never hand a boomer your phone. Especially an elderly boomer, and especially if that boomer is your mother. They will always start swiping. It’s like their brain just deflates. Their eyes glaze over. They get this wide, tranquil smile, as if to say, “Hot dawwg! This boundless collection of photos I’ve been handed is going to be a real treat!”, and they just start swiping. They just start fucking swiping.
I love that my gallery app has a “guest view”. I can select some photos, tap “guest view” and hand someone my phone. They can then only swipe across these photos, and if they try to leave the app the lock screen comes up.
Just make every second image in your phone this GIF:
Get some Operant Conditioning in them.
My boomer mother swiped too far on her own phone when she was showing me something
Oh god no! Please…tell me it’s not what I think it is…
The gaping maw… of maw.
The fathercock
The progenitor penis
Daddick pic
The chronicles of daddick?
As a boomer fully versed in modern phone usage I resent this unwarranted collective slur.
I apologize for any offense I may have caused, but I believe your presence here is no coincidence. You have to be the messenger. Please pass it along to the others via email chain letter, or perhaps more effectively, state that Mark Zuckerberg has changed the rules of Facebook and requires all users to automatically swipe when handed people’s phones. That should be effective in getting Aunt Joyce to do the exact opposite.
Pass it on yourself, I haven’t used FB in at least 10 years. I’m guessing you don’t eat avocado toast either. Stereotypes are stupid aren’t they.
Ok boomer
Just zoom in a little so it pans
Then they zoom out and start swiping. Just turn on Guided Access mode on iOS or Screen Pinning or App Pinning on Android. In those modes you can disable touch.
The League already did something about this…and yes it was basically a more modern version of Seinfeld.
It used what I call the “four psychopaths” format. Seinfeld invented it and…it’s always sunny in philadelphia uses the same format.
Also Delicious in Dungeon
IASIP is Seinfeld cracked up to 11, in some episodes quite literally
By did something about this I assume you mean did an episode on this subject, not did something to stem the tide of illicit swiping.
More like a little bit about it in one of the episodes. The League was based on a fantasy football league if you never watched it, and the episode featured one of the people discovering something due to “illegal swiping” and one of the NFL referee people guest starred and called him out on it.
It’s a pretty funny show even if you aren’t into football.
I can hear this comic.
they should do 1 20 minutes episode revival where it’s just the 3 of them (not kramer obvs) talking in the booth about new tech
I’d rather not have Jerry either tbh, he doesnt seem to think he can be funny without being somehow hateful apparently.
Jerry is a Zionist loser who heard “never again” and thought “yeah, let’s exterminate the Palestinians so that no genocide will happen again”
It’s human to lose your shit sometimes. I think he sincerely apologised.
Edit: ok I’ve done some soul searching and I’ve realized that I don’t really care who they are off set. Be they racists, communists, or nazis IRL, if what they say on the show is funny to me, I’m gonna watch it.
I’m usually like this if it’s a one time thing. In his case IDK I just said that because other people still say he is an asshole. But I won’t support people that we know are not sorry and would still do it if they could, even if they are famous. Like the unhinged Kanye.
Nope, cancelled forever. As a warning to anybody who might be tempted to express himself honestly.
Modern people with the collective knowledge of humanity at their fingertips think any transgression against their standards merits permanent exile into the desert, like in the Bible. Redemption is impossible in the new age of enlightenment.
No way Jerry would do it without Michael Richards.
Why no Kramer?
Said some things on stage he really shouldn’t have, but people make mistakes and usually grow from it, so we’ll see who he is now.
I see. Very unfortunate. Racism is complicated and more deeply rooted the most will realize and accept. What he said isn’t okay and never will be. I hope he’s grown since then and made amends for his mistakes.
I think he has moved on from what he did. He was in a semi-recent episode of Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee with Jerry and I seem to remember they spoke briefly about it. Maybe not, though.
Unfortunately for him though, there are no take-backs. Nor should there be. He metaphorically hit the lottery, and wasted all his winnings right there on that stage.
Thought he apologized for that. Doesn’t make it right, but still.
Nope sorry, you’re not allowed to learn from your mistakes anymore. Unless you rationalize that boomers made your actions unavoidable.
Question for you:
Let’s say the cashier at the local supermarket calls a customer some slurs. Someone records it on their phone. it blows up. Should the supermarket fire them?
Depends on the history. You never fire somebody on the first offense in a case of using inappropriate language on the job, because you have to account for their personal background - maybe where they grew up that language is totally normal and they really don’t get that it’s a problem. They have to be given a chance to change their behavior once they’re aware that it’s not okay. If they do it again, it’s a valid violation of workplace standards and totally justifiable to fire them.
My goodness, what judgmental little insects we have become.
Honestly yeah, like a podcast script read Reunion would be amazing with a modern script!
That’s why you slightly zoom in on a pic before showing it to someone.
How isn’t there a feature like this? You press a button next to your photo, and lock it in place, no swiping or exiting the app without faceID
Guided Access Mode on iOS or Screen/App Pinning on Android
The Ente photos app has this exact feature! https://ente.io/blog/guest-view/
Does Ente photos work locally or is it just a “cloud” situation?
deleted by creator
My god you’re a genius.
You’re also hiding something, but still, genius.
I put any pics i want to show off in an album.
Swipe to see similar/SWF photos, while the ones I take to track my receding hairline, stay in the chaos bucket that is my photos app.
iOS has a “hidden” folder that requires a password to get into. All the nudes should go in there just in case. I’m sure there’s something similar on most versions of android.
more or less every phone has this as well.
Wait that’s so smart I need to start doing that
Or, you know, use a gallery app that doesn’t need such workarounds.
No swipe for you! Come back one year!
Modern Kramer: removed
I’d love if they made this a tv show, and shot it with “Kramer” still being a character. However, Micheal Richards is not part of the show.
They get a voice actor who can do a voice impression of Kramer, but there’s no actual human body. The 3 actors interact with air.
They rig the door to open as if he were opening it, and they all act like he’s there.
They could even do a scene where Kramer explains his physical absence.
K: “Oh, Jerry, it’s the newest thing! Yeah it’s called AI. You just replace your whole existence with an artifical intelligence! Isn’t that wild???”
J: “Yeah, for you that would be an upgrade having any intelligence at all!”
E: “Kramer, I don’t think that’s what AI is. I don’t know WHAT this is, but it’s not AI.”
G: “Yeah. Where’s your body?”
K: “Oh, I’m out there, baby!”
J: “You certainly are out there, that’s for sure!”
K: “Jerry, you gotta get in on this! It’s the wave of the future! I’m telling ya! By 2032 nobody is going to have a physical body!”
J: “Remember when you said I should invest in Enron?”
K: “Hey, that wasn’t my fault. They were making CRAZY money!”
J: “Yeah, it WAS crazy! Crazy illegal! And remember when you said Vine was the next big thing?”
K: “And it was!..for about 12 seconds.”
J: “How did you even DO this anyway???”
E: “Yeah, I’m confused what’s even happening here. We can’t see you, we can’t smell you, we can hear you somehow, but we can’t touch you.”
K: “Oh you can touch me alright!”
Elaine gives disgusted face
G: “Well hold on, maybe theres some merrit to this. Let me ask you this, Kramer. Could I use this to NOT be at my job, but my bosses think I am?”
J: “Oh, here we go…”
K: “Well I don’t see why not. They can’t see you. You pop your head in at the start of the day, they hear your voice, and pop in at the end of the end of the day, who’s to say what you were doing the rest of the day?”
J: “That’s so stupid!”
G: “No it’s GENIUS!!! I can get 8 different full time jobs, with 8 different pay checks, not do ANY of the work, and do about 30 minutes of effort a day! I’M BACK BABY!!!”
J: “There no way THIS plan could go wrong…”
door opens, nobody enters, Newmans voice
“Hello Jerry!”
J: “Oh, now Newman is doing it too???”
Newman walks in carrying an oversized postal package
N: “Doing what? I just brought this package you ordered. Sign here.”
J: “I thought you were invisable…Hello…Newman.”
N: “I was wondering where that was. Invisable? Why would I be invisable?”
K: “Because why WOULDN’T you want to be invisable???”
Newman screams and falls backwards over the couch
N: “Kramer??? You’re invisable???”
E: “Ugh, don’t ask. It’s a whole thing…”
N: “But how?”
K: “It’s called AI…”
E: “No it’s not…”
K: “Alright smartypants! Why don’t YOU tell us what it is then?”
E: “I don’t know. It all feels like a jump the shark moment, like Pickle Rick.”
J: “Pickle Rick? Oh, you mean that guy who had a deli on 8th street until he went crazy trying to forcefully sell people his own brand of pickles.”
E: “Yeah, that’s Pickle Rick. What else would I call him?”
That sounds odd.
edit: Also, while I’d love for lemmy to get huge, it’s cool that our community allows for recognition of people with whom I’ve interacted previously.
Lol
(Jerry’s apartment. Jerry is sitting on the couch reading a magazine when suddenly Kramer bursts through the door, wild-eyed and disheveled, as usual.)
Kramer: (throws his arms up dramatically) “They canceled me, Jerry! CANCELED!”
Jerry: (startled, looking up) “Canceled? Canceled from what? You’re not even on anything!”
Kramer: “Oh, I’m on something, buddy. I’ve been doing the rounds on KramerTube—my web series! You know, the one where I rate New York City hot dog carts on ‘snap, spice, and sauerkraut consistency.’ It was a big hit!”
Jerry: “Your web series? You’ve been reviewing hot dogs and you got canceled? What, did you say something about ketchup?”
Kramer: “Oh, it was nothing, Jerry! I just mentioned that Eddie’s on 34th has ‘suspicious mustard.’ And BAM! The next day, the internet turns on me. Hashtag ‘CancelKramer!’ It’s trending!”
Elaine: (walking in, curious) “What’s trending?”
Jerry: “Kramer got canceled. Apparently, the mustard was too suspicious.”
Elaine: “You? Canceled? How does someone who already operates on the fringes of society get canceled?”
Kramer: “They’re trying to shut me down, Elaine! My sponsors pulled out. No more free hot dog samples from Louie’s Lunch Shack. And they’re not inviting me to the Annual Hot Dog Summit!”
Jerry: “There’s an Annual Hot Dog Summit?”
Kramer: “It’s a big deal, Jerry! Last year, they gave out a lifetime achievement award to the inventor of the pretzel bun. I was on my way up! And now… I’m OUT!”
George: (bursting in, holding his phone) “Did you hear about this? Kramer’s trending! You’re famous, buddy! You’re a meme!”
Kramer: (suspicious) “A meme? What kind of meme?”
George: (showing his phone) “This one: ‘Suspicious Mustard Guy.’ You’re staring at a hot dog like it’s hiding state secrets. It’s everywhere!”
Kramer: “It’s out of context! Out of context!”
Elaine: “Oh, please. You love this. This is the most attention you’ve ever gotten in your life.”
Kramer: “Not like this, Elaine! They’re calling me ‘The Mustard Menace.’ My reputation is ruined!”
Jerry: “I think your reputation was already on thin ice when you started a hot dog review series.”
Kramer: “I’ll have you know, Jerry, my series was bringing awareness to the integrity of this city’s sausage scene! And now, thanks to the internet mob, it’s all over!”
George: “What’s the problem? You’re famous. Lean into it! Do a redemption tour. Write a mustard manifesto.”
Kramer: (perks up, thoughtful) “Redemption tour, huh? That’s not bad. I could partner with Grey Poupon! Maybe start a charity for underprivileged condiments…”
Jerry: “Sure, because what the world really needs is your hot takes on relish politics.”
Kramer: (snaps his fingers) “This isn’t over, Jerry. I’ll rebuild. Hot dog by hot dog, I’ll clear my name!” (storms out dramatically)
Elaine: (watches him leave) “How long do we give him before he’s banned from another summit?”
Jerry: (smirking) “Two weeks. Tops.”
That was perfect
The entire time I was reading it I felt like it was written by the original writers, just missing the snapping fingers Kramer always did.
Then you hit me with them snaps!
10/10, no notes
I need more of this, please.
Hahaha, dammit I could hear and see it all in my head!
You better copyright this, it’s brilliant!
These Takis are making me thursty!
I was thinking and I could totaly see george showing up at the wrong time only to get dragged along with a mass shoplifting crowd and being the only one caught
I’m thinkin’ Hey!
