When all of your exes get to happily move on in relationships that aren’t you and you get nobody for extended periods of time.
While you’re prideful in yourself to know that whatever relationship you get won’t feel as tainted as theirs because maybe they’re manipulative. The thing about it is that, I’ve tried being upfront, honest, detailed and everything to get someone with.
And I guess working on yourself and trying to improve aren’t exactly attractable qualities.
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And I guess working on yourself and trying to improve aren’t exactly attractable qualities.
My dad always says to me: “If you want to find the right person, be the right person”.
That I’m part of the group of people who might never own a house, work until I’m 80, and never be able to just work on my dreams until they are reached. Sad thing is that lots of people have it worse. It’s unfair that 99% weren’t born with a golden spoon up their ass and can live on the work of the rest. Shit rolls downhill.
Your post contents themselves deserve a response, but to answer the question: I’ve never bothered thinking life is unfair, I learned this lesson early on as an eldest sibling (and it seems like a lot of other eldest siblings I talk to are slightly more in tune with unfairness than non eldest siblings, but this is anecdotal and I’m not willing to defend this observation)
Life is obviously filled with things that feel fair and unfair, but ultimately fairness is not part of the rules of our reality so there’s no need to determine its presence or abscence.
To speak to your own response, it’s super easy and feels great to imagine those who we feel have wronged us have been suffering ever since we left their lives. Rarely does this ever actually play out that way, nor is it healthy to rely on this line of thinking to find closure, peace, satisfaction, etc. It is more realistic to expect their lives to be fulfilling their goals on some level, and its likely they aren’t miserable at all.
I have no idea what you’re saying after the first section, but there are people out there all along the “is okay with a non ideal partner” scale out there. You can have your flaws and have a partner and a healthy relationship, and anyone worth your time will consider any progress you have already made, even if that’s not always enough to make you the one they want to be with.
I don’t want to make any further statements as this is already too general and assumption heavy, and you do not deserve to be told what to do without an ounce of actual attention to your life. I can guaranteo you’re not alone in the problems you are facing.
I’ve always found riding the waves of life with attention to my goals has worked in a way that leaves me generally satisfied with the process.
Solid nuggets of advice in there
Life? Unfair to me?
I’d say it’s all in the Right To Repair movement Vs Planned Obsolescence. I grew up learning how to fix stuff, make stuff, swap parts, etc.
And I still have those skills, but these days the big companies don’t want the little guys to have access to proprietary parts and tools anymore, making many repairs that would otherwise be pretty easy actually almost impossible.
They just want you to throw away all your old stuff every year or two and buy an entire new product. I don’t care what if any deity you believe in, I don’t think the good spirit intended on people throwing everything away and turning Earth into a huge dumpster.
Same. I grew up rebuilding bicycles and skateboards. I made toys to go with my other toys.
Fighting back against this nightmare world takes it out of me. People keep complaining about my tools and equipment because they think it’s some kind of compulsive disorder.
Telling people I do repairs, innovations and inventions on the side sounds like a mental health crisis. They don’t see the brainwashing they’ve been put through as the problem.
It may sound like I’m a conspiracy theorist, but companies and other entities out there who’re actively denying people to self-repair, are knowingly complacent with the idea of keeping people dumb.
So yes, I believe in planned obsolescence, simply because removing the right to repair, voiding warranties, not allowing information to be shared. It’s all part of a scheme to keep people dumb and reliant on throwing away more money to these companies and indirectly committing victimless crimes like polluting and adding to the problems of landfills.
No. It’s all part of a scheme to make money. That’s it. People aren’t against you; they’re for themselves.
Born to narcissistic parents, full blown clinical depression, anxiety, gay, running out of reasons to live.
What were your reasons to live before they got eliminated?
Accidentally replied to main thread:
During Obama, i was making $97.5K per year in web development. Bought a house, car, solar panels, (my) American dream.
Three months into the first trump fuckup, 10% of the staff was laid off, myself included.
Spent about 6 months burning through savings, before landing $7.stupid per hour job at Michael’s. Still burning through savings to pay the mortgage, mental health declining because fucking retail.
Pandemic happened, lost job, another 5 ish months doing low paid contract work, savings are gone and I have to go to my parents for help. My parents raised me that asking for help meant you’ve failed. You’re a failure.
Spent a year and three days unemployed. Now working at Target picking online orders. Nothing i do has a purpose, and it’s especially heartbreaking when you see items that you’ve picked getting cancelled and returned to the shelf.
My parents pay my full mortgage and car insurance. I work 40 hours a week, and target is strict on overtime, and i can still only afford to eat 2 out of every 3 days.
There’s more, but it’s a trauma dump with no solutions, unless i can get about $1500 more a month for the next 5 years to get my year long unemployment debt taken care of…
That’s just financial problems. My upbringing turned me into a shy anxiety ridden recluse, i can’t look a cute dude in the eyes, let alone ask anyone out. Last “date” (Grindr hookup) i had, there was a black guy in the white house …
lol, same here
Dating is hard. 9 out of 10 actual dates are strike outs for a second date. Upping your batting average requires you to be the ideal candidate where you are dating.
Mastery of something has a 90% proficiency requirement. The odds stack up enough against a person to the point that any apathy at all might cause them to fail horribly.
Life isn’t unfair as such. It’s between hard and impossible. You really need everyone on your team to make it all work.
My advice would be to help those that will help you and never short them when it’s your shout. Remember names when you meet people, and don’t get distracted when you should be thinking about their lives. Every little interaction will be the light in your eyes and the magnetics in your charm. Start by lighting up your world and make people resonate when they’re around you. And travel a bit to meet people with added charm
At the moment, it’s that I’ve been awake since 2AM because I can’t shut my brain off about an issue I think might come up later this week at work, that I have no control over, yet can’t help but feel responsible for.
And I would really like to just get some fucking sleep because I’m not being paid to worry about this shit right now.
I have several mental disorders that partially disable me, making daily life difficult. I can function, but I’m still at a considerable disadvantage compared to everyone else. One in particular is associated with a 20+ year reduction in life expectancy and drastically higher risk of dementia later in life.
Capitalism…
Someone I work for is hospitalized with a manic episode. This is new for her. It is terrible and has had some bad professional outcomes. I am sad and worried for her.
But she’s also posting some serious Eat Pray Love shit on her social media right now that is pictures of visits with therapy dogs, doing facial masks, yoga, making crafts, and other hospital based froufrou stuff. It makes me seethe inside, because when I was sick myself years ago before I got well medicated I did not have the luxury to check myself into a private room in a hospital, and instead had to drag myself to work 80-90 hours a week between my jobs, because of money, because of the shit person I’ve married, who was violently and sociopathically unsupportive, telling me terrible things, until one night walking an hour home from my 12 hour afternoon shift I almost jumped into the highway when I was crossing the bridge. Some kids on bikes saw me and basically harassed me until I stopped, and I went home. I later made a vague allegation of suicide to a friend without really meaning to, I was so ill that it didn’t really register, and she sent the police to my house, much to the suprise of my spouse who spent the whole night telling me I had convinced people that he was my nurse, and a million other really terrible things.
I just went to my afternoon shift the next day. And then I saw my psychiatrist and confessed what had happened to him, and I am to this day convinced that the only reason I didn’t end up on a Form 1 that day was because it was a 4 pm appointment on a late sunny June afternoon and he was looking too forward to the weekend. I just left the appointment and again went to work.
So watching her basically have a spa admission is really hard for me, because even though I got better on medication I’m still working two jobs, making way less than her, a lot of other things are terrible, and I’m not taking leaves of absence to buy a piano and try to learn to play it while everyone fawns over me. And she is making a HELL of a lot of work for me, and yes of course it is an illness but it’s really fucking hard to be patient when I can’t spend ANYTHING at all and work 60 hours a week, and spent part of last evening being screamed at because I took a paring knife to work to cut up a mango.
I grew up really active and I’ve always loved sports and running around. At some point I started having some problems and was passing out in school gym class. Unfortunately my parents were poor, so we didn’t do anything about it. Fast forward a handful of years and I’m having seizures and intense migraines. Finally go to the hospital and I’m told “I don’t know how you’re alive” by my surgeon before I spent two months in the ICU.
I’m grateful for my medications allowing me a somewhat normal living, but I’ll never play sports again. I’ll never run again. Sometimes just putting on clothes in the morning or walking to another room winds me. Getting told at 26 years old that I’ll never be active again broke my heart and now I’m just trying to get by on what little I have while trying to preserve my dignity. It feels unfair but I try not to dwell on it.
Might be able to rebuild strength with swimming. Zero impact, and great cardio. Obviously consult your doctor, but I’ve seen all types manage to recover much better with water yoga and swimming rather than traditional exercise
I had a good friend who spent way too much time bitching about how he was getting fucked and life just wasn’t fair. He never took the time to live in the moment and just enjoy his life. He never understood that in reality life isn’t fair, has never been fair, and never will be fair. Even though he was a young guy he got cancer. He died within a year. But during that year he finally grasped the concept of living each day and no longer worrying about the future and how life was fucking him.
I mean, yeah, he had cancer and that sucked, but there is the advantage that you know things are going to end soon. That means no long-term planning necessary - a luxury we with a future do no have. I could live the best life for the next six months, but after that, I’d be homeless or back at my parents or friends and the next 5-10 years would be shit. It might also completely fuck over whatever little retirement I have left.
So “living in the moment” is good advice, but like everything: everything in moderation, even moderation.
Living in the moment is not limited to blowing your savings on frivolous things. It also includes focusing on the free or inexpensive things we do every day like spend time with family and friends or even just enjoying some free entertainment.
It is about not worrying so much about everything else that you ignore the positives that are happening right now.
Indeed. But living in the moment knowing when you’ll die and living in the moment not knowing are two very different things.
The op was talking about how the friend wasn’t living in the moment prior to knowing they were going to die.
He never took the time to live in the moment and just enjoy his life.
You didn’t finish reading
But during that year he finally grasped the concept of living each day and no longer worrying about the future and how life was fucking him.
No, I understand that there are multiple things that you are conflating because they have some overlap.
Agreed. Dying from something when you know how long you’ve got is different from not having any idea when you are going to die.
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I was born with everything needed to overcome all obstacles in life and it’s never been fair.
I don’t expect life to be fair to begin with. Would be nice if it were but I don’t see a reason to assume that from it.
How it’s unfair to me? I don’t know. I guess I’m a more serious person than most and I think about things deeply. People who don’t take things as seriously as I do probably don’t enjoy my company that much nor do I theirs. I’m not sure how else to explain it. I care about things I invest my time, thought and effort to and I tend to ignore things I don’t care about. Like social games, small talk etc.
