So I texted my mom last night that I think it’s likely that I have autism. Then she texted back that she has always suspected that I have autism since I was little kid and that she loves me. I felt very validated and happy that it went better than expected although somewhat upset that she never did anything to help me.

However this morning I woke up to a text from her insisting that I don’t actually have autism and I’m just lazy and over sensitive and that I need to get over myself and I have spent a lot of time crying in bed today.

[TW: Transphobia]

She’s done this before which is why I was so nervous to tell her. When I came out to her as a trans woman she initially said nice things to me, but then the next day she started ranting about “why couldn’t you just be a gay man” or “no one will ever love you if you’re trans.” It took her several years to come around and actually accept me.

All I really wanted from her was understanding, but she just gave me a lot of self-doubt and sadness instead.

Edit: Thank you all for your support, I really appreciate it ❤️🫂

  • Sixty@sh.itjust.worksEnglish
    181·
    2 months ago

    Sounds like she is easily manipulated by bad influencers in her life to flip like that, but you know her better of course.

  • wolfrasin@lemm.eeEnglish
    123·
    2 months ago

    Sounds like your mom can’t accept how she’s missed the chance to be there for you and know you truly and blaming you is her move. Poor move on her, but you, you have joys ahead.

    Have you contemplated you current place on the manic pixie -> librarian/art teach -> feral hedge witch evolution? It’s an autyfem classic, come join in

  • haui@lemmy.giftedmc.com
    71·
    2 months ago

    Your mom shows strong symptoms of internalized abuse. This can indicate a range of possible mental issues. You being on the spectrum can indicate that she is too, which she might need to avoid to foster her “normal” self image. In any case, what she is doing is unbefitting of a parent and if you have any grown up you trust, tell them and consider having them talk sense into her. There are alternatives but they might have severe consequences depending on the country you live in. Its not fair but keeping you safe is important right now since some countries are delving into fascism. Autistic and trans people are in grave danger in these countries. Please accept that you are valid, albeit it being important to keep things under wraps in some cases.

  • dylanmorgan@slrpnk.net
    4·
    2 months ago

    I’m really sorry, friend.

    My stepmom suggested I might be autistic and my mom lost her mind. It took me years to arrive at the conclusion you have because there was such a sense of shame around it.

    I hope your mom gets her head correct faster this time than when you came out as trans.

  • Possibly linux@lemmy.zipEnglish
    63·
    2 months ago

    Do you necessarily need your moms support?

    No need to stick to toxic family. If it harms your mental health then it probably isn’t a good relationship.

  • Flax@feddit.ukEnglish
    21·
    2 months ago

    For me, everyone in the family suspected I had autism, went to my mum about it who just shrugged it off. It wasn’t until I had a psychiatric nurse ask me if I was diagnosed. It was the first I heard someone suspect that I had it. I got an assessment (my mum was fine with it as a professional this time expected it) and I’m now diagnosed. But when I was telling people the reaction was basically “yeah, we know”

  • noctivius@lemm.eeEnglish
    32·
    2 months ago

    Reading what people write about experiences with their parents and relatives makes me hate families even more.

  • hoshikarakitaridia@lemmy.world
    21·
    2 months ago

    I can do nothing for your sadness but tell you I would feel the same and it’s shitty that your mom makes you feel that way.

    I can tell you that you should never doubt yourself though, especially given you have come to accept those things about yourself and you had the confidence to tell your mom, even though you knew what might happen. You’re awesome for making it this far and no one will ever take that from you. Don’t beat yourself up about the response, you have done everything you could and that is more than enough. You’ve done enough thinking on this anyway, I’m sure.

    I’m sure things will turn out fine, though it might take a while. But I want you to know I’m fucking proud of you and that’s all that matters.

    <3