My mom glorifies herself. When parents plan for children, it is the parents’ job to provide for the children. They shouldn’t see children as retirement plan.
My mom keeps guilt tripping me. I finally told her I can’t stand her and she will need to use her money to take care of herself in the future. (I have been paying for her bills.)
What kind of parents put such pressure on their kids? She thinks she has sacrificed a lot of me. She raised me for the first twenty years. I have repaid with interest already.
She needs to stop pressing my button.
She raised me for the first twenty years. I have repaid with interest already.
This is so backwards.
Raising someone isn’t something you do with an expectation of being repaid. They didn’t choose to be born, or raised. The parent(s) chose this. And the love of the child is what should fuel the raising, and it should pay for itself.
I’m sorry this is happening to you. ❤️
In some areas you are legally responsible for your parents if they become unable to take care of themselves. Not saying that makes it OK, but it can certainly be seen as an societal expectation.
She has money. She just doesn’t want to use hers. She wants me to pick up her bills so that she can leave her money to my nieces and nephews as I can’t have any children.
Fuck her then. I’ve been no-contact with my family for nearly 20 years and have zero regrets.
My goal is to raise my kids to be productive members of society and to be happy and better off than I am, including planning for their retirement so as not to be a burden on others. If I rely on my kids to take care of me, then that undermines the message of self reliance that I want to teach. On the other hand, if I fall on hard times or health issues or whatever, then I hope that they care enough about me and that I’ve instilled in them values of charity, empathy and so on such that they would want to care for me.
Thank you. I need to remind my mom. She sees me as an ATM even though she has her own money. She wants me to pay for everything so that she can leave her inheritance to my nieces and nephews (I have no child.but my siblings do.)
Good job for standing your ground and drawing boundaries. I have similar problems but a few years ago I did just that. A lot of anguish and strong emotions went through me as my mother went mad and extremely angry with my choice. This hard decision will pay off, stay strong. I had a friend recommending this book “The Body Keeps the Score”. Never got a chance to read it but it could be helpful.
Thank you. I have talked to my therapist in the past and I had no idea how much I was (probably still am). I care about about my mom but I too be taken advantage by my own mother.
She sees me an ATM and intends to have her inheritance to my nieces and nephews as I have no childten
Kids should never be anyone’s “retirement plan”. I think every parent hopes that their kids will love them enough to want to take care of them in their twilight years when they may need extra help, but it should not be the expectation.
Sometimes the best thing you can do in this situation is cut off your mom financially, and your family socially (or at least the ones that you know are on the side of your mom). You are not indebted to them for forcing you onto this mortal coil. Take that money and time back and start living your life for yourself.
I think its fair to expect your children to take care of you when youre old. But you also need to treat them well enough whrre they want to. Sounds like she hasn’t done the 2nd part.
Taking care of them shouldn’t require you to spend all your money, they still need a retirement plan.
That’s what a family is, children are part of the community and should be responsible for the goodwill.
Also parents are traumatized, don’t understand therapy. Children are usually only hope they have.
Your parents are obligated to take care of you when you first come into the world. I don’t think you need to repay them for that obligation. They made you. You didn’t ask to be born. It’s the least they can do. That’s how I view it and I know it’s not standard.
I love my mom and I would try to take care of her if/when she needs help with her age, but I wouldn’t say I feel obligated.
Thank you. I love her too but she loves to take advantage of me. I am feeling so angry.
She sees me as an ATM and intends to leave her inheritance to my nieces and nephews as I can’t have children
This seems to be an overwhelmingly one-sided perspective to the point of it being unfair; and I refuse to voice my opinion on it.
Shame to see you downvoted. This person is clearly not looking for advice.
