lilypad [she/her, pup/pup's]

  • 2 Posts
  • 36 Comments
Joined 2 years ago
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Cake day: October 26th, 2023

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  • In my experience, most people will want to be polite, but most people will not find it easy to think about you in the right ways, and so those subtle ways of feeling invalidated will slip through, even by accident.

    This is my experience as well. And as i get less “presentable” (e.g. hair, BO, etc) it gets harder for people to view me correctly.

    Unfortunately passing isnt in the cards for me (i dont think? Im not in peoples heads lol) just cause im 195cm tall and kinda jowly in the face and have a very large ribcage/shoulders. Like, i have hips/waist. It just immediately flairs out into my ribcage in an intense manner.

    Even worse, I degender myself around people who knew me before, I slip into old patterns of behavior of how I acted around them when I lived as a man. It’s the worst.

    Ugh i hate this so much, and it also comes into play because p1 and p5 both knew me since i was a child…

    I should really get back into makeup. I used to have an alright nude-adjacent look that worked for me, and people treated me better when i had some eyeliner on… Even tho its expensive and takes so much time to get right every day lol.



  • shaving

    Thank you for the linky! Idk why i assumed i couldnt shave, i just have my specific routine for shaving and cant do other aspects of it (e.g. a proper shower) and i guess i extended that to every aspect of it.

    And i get what youre saying on mens degendering, but like, they wont listen to me and will get upset if i say theyre degendering me without laying out explicitly how they are doing that, in a way that is understandable to them. But tying it back to how men are degendered is useful, ty.

    rant

    I dont want to do that labour but i guess i have to. It sucks. I have some “precompiled” explanations (e.g. about the usage of man/dude as a so called gender neutral term when its anything but), but i cant predict what they will do/say and i suck at thinking on my feet (especially while being yelled at or talked over or heavily implied to be “crazy” or “stupid”). Idk. I just wish i wasnt the only trans woman there. And I dont feel like i can count on solidarity from a cis woman ive never met… I mean, tons of cis women love to call me homophobic slurs and treat me like a freakshow lol, its part and parcel of their bargaining with misogyny.



  • Why why why are they still doing things that so easily induce sensory overload? So many of us are autistic or otherwise neurodivergent.

    Ohmigosh this so much this why didnt this cross my mind. Its so hard to be around people in general, and then they want to add lights and loud music coming from every stall and people actively trying to grab my attention and so much so so much like i need to be at my most resourced and well defended in order to attend an event that is supposed to be for me?

    I wish there was like an ND friendly anti-selling-things pride, one that actually focuses on community building. No sponsers, no corpos, certainly no cops, just facilitating building genuine community connections. Pride should be an instance of organizing. Instead its mobilizing. No not even that, pride isnt even mobilizing, rather it feels like a feel good queer shopping mall, cause queers have money too now.








  • dysphoria

    Its been bad lately. I just want to be able to look at myself naked in the mirror and be kinda ok with myself. It feels like progress is going backwards, my body feels less feminine than a year ago, after a couple laser sessions my face somehow has more hair and i cant afford more laser (they charge a lot, i did the math and its $400-600 an hour). But specifically, my shoulders are just wrecking me right now…

    How do yall deal with shoulder dysphoria? I realllly dislike my shoulders, and everything makes them look larger. For reference im 195cm and somewhat thin (my belly begs to differ tho), with somewhat wide shoulders (my armpits line up with my hips). I used to try and find things to wear that would work for my body, but i have no money and tbh i dont think this is something clothing can fix… I just want to be able to look at myself in the mirror and be ok with myself… doggirl-gloom