There’s no shame in changing your mind, there is no shame in needing help, there is no shame in self improvement, try to love yourself as a whole and work towards changing the things you don’t love.
That changing your mind is so key. Often times people attach personal value to opinions as though they’re related.
The ego gets involved when it should fuck right off.
Sometimes people around them don’t make it any easier. If people around a person immediately show contempt to a person who admits they were wrong, it enforces a microculture where change is going to be harder and more painful than necessary.
This is a real problem with changing your mind.
I can’t believe how many times I’ve been told I’ve changed when I no longer found something funny or said something that I wouldn’t have in my teen years.
One of the longest-running opinions of mine that hasn’t been disproved yet is that many people just don’t really mature or age mentally, it seems; they just grow older, without accumulating much if any wisdom.
Some grow wiser, but one of the lessons of my 20s has been you have to do it on purpose. I’m not wiser than I was 5 years ago on accident.
You can also love the parts you’re going to change, as you change them. You don’t have to turn off the love to do surgery.
That’s very true. I routinely change the parts of me I love. I try to make them better. I’m a kind and loving person, but I’m trying to change that from a selfless form to a self preserving form. To know my limits and stop pouring from an empty cup.
You can even love the parts you are saying goodbye to. Not improving, but eliminating. You never have to turn off the love at all ever for anything.
Just because you don’t understand something within the first 5 seconds doesn’t mean it’s stupid.
Also information changes on a daily basis. Just because someone gave you different information than what you were taught doesn’t mean they were taught wrong. Look it up.
As a 30+ person, this hits true. I heard my first friend say “the crap music these kids are listening to”. Like dude, have just some self awareness, remember our parents saying green day and blink -182 were crap.
I would add to this that we don’t need to understand something for there to be value to others. There are trends I don’t understand, like dancing on tiktok, but it apparently brings the youths joy so have at it.
As a 40+ person, I strongly agree with my young colleague here.
Listen to what you want, kids. Enjoy it. And don’t let anyone tell you you’re wrong about it.
As Common once put it, “If I don’t like it, I don’t like it, that don’t mean that I’m hatin’.”
Loving this chain. Also over 30. I get frustrated that what older generations used to spout about Millenials like me (lazy, don’t want to work, etc) gets spouted by my generation to gen z.
I’ve seen some Gen Z kids do some bad things, but I’ve also seen them do amazing things my generation would not have done.
As far as music, I love all the variety there is and all the mediums to listen to it now.
I am actively working on trying to be better than the older generation. I love how unique gen z is, how they truly believe everyone have value, their beliefs, their morals. I have hope they will be better than us
The advice-for-kids thread is elsewhere. This is an advice for old people thread.
Indeed, but this particular sub-thread started with an OP giving advice to older people, and is now older people responding to that comment. These aren’t top level comments, so let the conversation go where it may.
Well, less people are listening new releases each year, more are listening old songs…
Tbf some of the popular music has been shit since music began I’m sure, but there’s also always good stuff. For instance rap music, most of it these days is garbage like lil uzi and lil peep, but there’s still dudes like Aesop Rock (not ASAP Rocky, Aesop Rock), Run The Jewels, Meyhem Lauren, Lil Nas X, making good shit out there. Pop hasn’t been good since the 80s though. Oddly enough I think my favorite stuff from “now” is actually the fact that shoegaze is coming back but called zoomergaze and it’s fantastic! The band Julie is a good example, check out their EP Pushing Daisies. Also there’s been some really good recent country, namely Charley Crockett and Sturgil Simpson, and (ok it’s psychedelic bluegrass but) Billy Strings.
There is good stuff, we just have to dig through piles of shit for it.
Talking to the admin of a pop music instance there bud.
Then they already know the radio has been pumping out pure drivel and oldies since the advent of RoboDJs? My mistake, didn’t mean to musicsplain.
Edit: OH but I should qualify it: J-pop and K-pop are putting out some decent stuff, just not KISSFM™ and IHeartRadio™ which are equivalent to all American pop radio.
There are trends I don’t understand, like dancing on tiktok, but it apparently brings the youths joy so have at it.
It’s actually called tap dancing, and if you think of that as a youths thing you’re older than dirt.
Burnout is real. Step back for a bit and return rested, instead of abandoning the fight for justice entirely. Taking breaks is just as important as being active.
No time off from work, back in to the mines with you!
Middle class people often think that they’re barely getting by but forget that they live larger and more luxurious than necessary.
Yeah but the theft of wealth from the middle class doesn’t become false because a few people live it large.
In fact, middle class is always encouraged to live it large by 24X7 marketing by corporations.
Of course middle class people get stolen from, but they often use their job as an excuse not to organise which is lame imo because I know a lot of people who have it worse and put in way more effort in community building
Fuckin A man. I entered middle class briefly, for the first time in my life, by landing a coding job at six figures.
I let myself get warped, ethically, by my desire not slip below that line again, back into struggle.
But, fortunately for me, stepping away from the right path sapped my energy and I failed at the job and got fired. During the time I had that job my health suffered.
Now I realized that, at least for me, the only way I can rise sustainably is if I stay in accordance with my conscience. And the way it hurt my health, it made me realize it’s actually the right move to sacrifice the money to the conscience. The good feeling is better than anything money can buy.
I know it sounds cheesy, but it’s real for me. And honestly I feel fortunate to be weak enough that I can’t really operate in the world without that extra dopamine kick from my conscience. Like my discipline and focus aren’t great, and things fall apart when I start breaking promises and making bad ones and doing sloppy work for bad reasons, etc.
Just because a comment contains a criticism of X group doesn’t mean it’s a condemnation of the group and thereby a repudiation of all their grievances.
My point is that people don’t want to discuss the real problem of the perverted capitalist discourse.
Its a shame that a middle class person who wants to use their extra income for joy is instead told to work hard and save money for half a century and die early without experiencing any kind of joy or reward for their hard work.
Sometimes you have to live a little. You aren’t getting your good health back.
I’ve seen this play out first hand with people gradually climbing up the socioeconomic ladder as they reach middle age. They forget how things were at the lower middle class compared to the upper middle or even proper upper class.
It gets hard to talk about these days with the social media bullshit muddying up discourse. Because people start seeing red at the mere idea of broaching this topic.
People also have no idea what classes mean. Someone making 40k per year and someone making 400k per year will both say they are middle class. And both would be wrong.
They will both agree to broad idea that “rich bad” and “middle class is struggling”. Their relative suffering is what they both agree on even though they’re different.
If the 40k person saw how the 400k person lives in real life, they would be rolling out the guillotine for the 400k dude. But without proper context online that 40k person will go to bat for the 400k person if anyone brings up the topic of lifestyle.
The further up the scale the more luxury there is. However people work with more binary thinking. So it’s easier to point at the dudes making 1000k or more. The territory of more unfathomable weath. Really there’s a lot of excess going on way before we reach the multi-millionaire to billionaire strata.
I don’t think this is entirely accurate. People who sell their labour for money are all working class… and this would easily cover people right below rich.
Those who start letting money do work for them can be considered the owning/capitalist class.
Now if they are able to stop producing labour because the money they have is generating more money then at that point it becomes a problem because we have arrived at an infinite money machine which is unsustainable in a finite world.
Children (be they your own or unrelated children you have responsibility for) are people, not property or pets or whatever. Treat them as such. They’re just people with less experience and more vulnerability.
I may be 32, but I can throw in my own thoughts here. Stop paying attention to “societal norms”. Societal norms are just there to control people. Do what you love. Watch cartoons and listen to whatever music you want to. You don’t have to be an adult at all times. Take a break once in a while.
Considering the vast majority of people that walk around naked in the public locker room without an ounce of shame are people over 50 or over 60, I find this comment has got it backwards. There seems to be a universal constant that the older you get, the less you care about what other people think. I know I have experienced this myself, and most older people I ask tend to agree vehemently. It also explains why so many young people are embarrassed by their parents.
My advice to teens and people in their early twenties: don’t worry what other people think of you. No one else is thinking about you much at all.
Hmm. So it’s cool to buy the $900 Lego kits?
If you can afford it, sure. If it’s money that should be spent elsewhere, you might want to rethink it.
Yes it is, if you have the means to do so. Embrace that inner child
I mean it’s your money. Why should I have any say in what you buy with it?
Why would we know this less than you?
Definitely a broad average but I don’t feel like its unfair to say each generation up is a bit more reserved that the younger
I never said I knew better than anyone. I just threw my piece in.
I’ve never seen someone come out of the closet at 50 and remark that they’re glad they took their time
30 is hurtling at me like a train, so may as well say my bit while I still qualify.
Learn to swallow your ego, and pride, and “seniority”. There’s plenty of people younger than you that are wildly intelligent and truly want to make the world a better place. Let those people take up space. Let young organizers spread their wings. Put your desires to be important aside and help empower the next generation. Feeling valued by the broader society and being allowed to be important can help young people participate and learn to socialize, especially with some of their formative years being ravaged by social media and Covid.
What about those of us who are older who were never given that chance when we were young?
We finally have a real opportunity and its our time to step aside?
Cool, cool, so the Boomers never let us have a chance at anything and now that they are all finally fucking dying, the next generation is like “we know you never actually got a chance but get the fuck out our way.”
That being said, there’s plenty of smart and capable youth out there who deserve a chance, it just stinks to be part of a lost generation that never got one.
I think the point of the comment you replied to was to share space and allow the younger generation to flourish in ways that our generation never did. Break the cycle. This doesn’t mean sacrificing yourself for younger people, the world is big enough for all of us.
Cheers, that’s hopefully the way we can make it work.
If there’s one thing that often bugs me about my peers, it’s the unwillingness to learn from someone younger than you. Plenty of young people know all kinds of shit I’ve never known and they grew up in a world with access to more accurate information and education, so things I was taught in my childhood may be wrong.
For example, since I don’t have kids of my own, until recently I was totally unaware that there was a chickenpox vaccine. I was one of the last generations of ‘chicken pox parties’ where they just tried to get entire classes of kids to get it all at once so they wouldn’t get it at a more dangerous age.
Young people will almost always have access to new and useful information we may not.
Absolutely. I’ve got a younger dude that works for me and he teaches me so much on the daily, it’s pretty rad.
There’s a chickenpox vaccine? Huh, TIL. I remember my chickenpox party lol, it seemed so weird at the time to be made to hang out with other kids that were sick with the intent of getting sick.
If I see they’ve accomplished something I haven’t, I listen. So long as they’re not shitty about it.
It’s not hard to find young people who have accomplished what I haven’t.
Yes, exactly! Thanks for clarifying that for me!
I’ve never been valuable to the world. But now I’ve gone through a bunch of shit and know things people who haven’t been through that shit don’t know.
Should I try to share that? I’m not really done trying to be helpful, you know? I haven’t spread my own wings yet, despite being old.
So should I just give up to make space for young people who want to feel that, or should I chime in with what I’ve learned.
Don’t be afraid of healthy change and always admit fault.
While some of the shit coming out in our current generation can be stupid or superfluous always take it in context and see how it could be used to better your life.
Ex. Increase in mental health awareness recontexualizes your childhood.
Also listening. Even if the shit coming out of your child’s/younger coworker mouth is some bonkers shit at least listen to them without judgement. Will make any criticism that much better received
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You were in grade school when this was made.
You realize 31 year olds were only 10 when YouTube came out? They have lived nearly their whole lives with it. Why do so many people under 30 think anyone over 30 is 50 years old?
Dude my mom is 60 and uses youtube all the time, why do people also think 60 is 89?
Now my (now dead) 89yo relatives? Yeah they didn’t use youtube, one of them had a rotary phone until the phone company stopped supporting them in like 2009 and then he had no phone and no internet until the day he died. Had to drive to his house or send him a letter.
Lmao i bet he was like “fuck those phone companies”
He was indeed lol. We bought him a tracphone too, and he refused to hook it up (or let us do so.) He was great lol.
If something or someone makes you feel bad, get it or them out of your life.
Find contentment within yourself if you want a healthy relationship.
Let go of things and don’t let your ego control you.
BUT: differentiate between a person who makes you feel bad, and a person who makes you realize your conscience feels bad.
Learn to differentiate challenge from raw toxicity. Generally speaking, if someone is challenging you in a healthy way, then talking about it with them results in you feeling healthier and stronger. If talking about it with them just makes you feel sick and broken, it’s probably more toxic than useful.
Your family and friends shouldn’t constantly hurt you. If they make you feel like crap, flush em down.
Really feeling this this week, especially the first sentence.
Knocking on the door of 40. I spent this week moving into my own new place after a decade of toxicity, so this one resonates with me as well.
Guys, younger than 30 giving tipps to older than 30. Younger to older.
Why is everyone giving relationship advice as if it were the reverse?
They didn’t teach reading comprehension back in the age of steam, I guess. /s
Bc ppl under 30 think about relationships alot.
You don’t have to have children, don’t feel pressured by friends & family.
You don’t need to be in a relationship, don’t feel pressured by friends & family.
Go travel. See things, eat food, drink wine, enjoy yourself.
You don’t need to be in a relationship, don’t feel pressured by friends & family.
How can i tell this to bills?
Same way you’d tell it to steves I guess
“William, you don’t need to be in a relationship,…”
Yep, this is what I’m going to do. I’m in my 30s now and I’m going to start travelling. I was going to wait until I was in my 40s but I realized nothing is promised so I might as well go ahead and do it now.
this was an interesting thought, OP. a shame nobody seems to have understood the assignment
I just turned 30 and I am pretty sure a woman is not worth it if she does not provide you peace at home and is constantly looking for drama and conflict. Spent my youth chasing lost causes
As a guy at least in my experience, whenever I leave home I am faced with constant criticism and I have come to the realization that I simply do not have the capacity for it at home as well
As a stone-age person on Lemmy (47) allow me a response please.
First of all, I agree with you. Spent my 20s going through the motions thinking “maybe I just won’t meet someone I can bear to be with in the long term”.
And then I met her.
But in some respects she also met me at the right time. My assumptions about what I needed to help fix changed. My way of talking to women about their day, their challenges, their ambitions slowly morphed. So I don’t know if “she was perfect for me” or I had finally learnt how the differences between biological males and biological females drove how we communicated, what we needed and expected from each other, allowed me to finally commit to a long term relationship. We’ve been together for 17 years, married for 15. She drives me mad at times, and most days she wants to strangle me slowly, but despite all those small details, we also make each other laugh till we can’t breathe, we agree on almost everything (probably why the small disagreements become so “important”), we manage to parent four kids relatively well and when we finally find the time to have a day by ourselves, I am reminded why I fell in love with her.
I guess I’m trying to tell you that it might still happen to you too.
Find a hobby that will allow you to keep your sanity during difficult times (unemployment and such) and after you retire.
