A sack of potatoes and cat litter.

From my mom who usually shops year round for Christmas to save the hassle of buying at the end of the year.

My siblings got stuff that they wanted and could use and I got… Those two things in a very flimsy laundry basket.

She did not approve of my girlfriend and probably me living with her.

They weren’t even wrapped.

People keep giving me steak house gift cards.

I’m a vegetarian. I can only eat a roll there.

I saw a horrible gift get thwarted by a game shop owner who thankfully gave a shit. 40ish year old woman was shopping for her son, “oh Superman 64? Is that a good one?”

Dude didn’t mince words. Told her flat out it was the worst game on the 64

My dad won box tickets to the last 49er game at candlestick through some radio contest. All expenses paid, bunch of merch, got to meet some players, whole VIP package. Happened to be that the last game at the stadium was a few days after my birthday and a couple days before Christmas. I even happen to live in the area while he was flying out from Texas.

He got me a card with $20 in it and took his mom, stepdad, and ex wife with him to the game. Killed himself about 8 months later. Thanks pop.

My mother told family I was into geology which I wasn’t, so for my ninth bitrhday I got books about rocks and the hugest fucking hammer.

The hammer felt a little bit cool until I tried it and it was completely useless on the granit which is the only rock in the region, the only thing happening was leaving marks on the stone and shoot mini splinters in the eyes. Totally unuseful for anything else.

Like this but bigger (in my memory, i was only 9), and also cheaper (black head, cheap wood handle):

About 20 years ago

I went to my family Christmas with my then-partner. I got a Grinch onesie from my family

We then attended my partner’s family Christmas where basically the entire living room was stuffed with presents for the kids (my partner and their siblings). My then-partner complained about how the siblings all got more $$ worth of presents. I pointed out that I got a pair of pjs for Christmas. The reply: “it’s not about the dollar amount, it’s just they got more than me” (paraphrased)

I hated that present. A fucking onesie? It was such a disappointing present, and for a long time I used it as an example for questions just like this

I kept it and wore it. Eventually I lost the bitterness and started to cherish it even. Which is why I still wear it regularly this time of year! It’s quite warm… plus, it has pockets!

Grinch tax:

Oh fuck i have a long history of this…

My parents got me a cheap set of tools, pliers, screw drivers, level and a wood burner with no wood to burn at 10. My brother got a gameboy SP and Pokémon.

Two years later I got an electric shaver and Cologne. I didn’t start growing facial hair until 17 and didn’t have enough to need more than one pass with a razor until 26. Still have the Cologne, it’s not awful but it’s also not a smell that works for me.

14 I got a store made cake and $20. I can’t eat the cake, the frosting makes my face hurt and that’s been a problem since I was 5 so they know I can’t eat the cake.

Basically, I didn’t get a present for me until I met my wife at 30.

At the call center I worked at, our Christmas bonus was a dress shirt with the company logo on it.

My wife wears it when she dyes her hair.

A small drinking cup +possibly unintended whooping cough that ruined my entire holiday season.

I was given 30 quarters that had letters and numbers on each one in a black velvet pouch. If you put them in a certain order, it had a message. The quarters went in year order. The message was a Bible passage according to Matthew. It was when Judas was given 30 silver for betraying Jesus.

The context, I told one of our friends that the gifter was trying to get with his wife while he was deployed. He denied and then made me feel like shit to insinuate such a thing. Turns out, it was true.

I still have the quarters so I could give them back some day.

My mother-in-law gave me a booked called The Etiquette Edge which essentially explained how to be polite

So one year my sister an I save up for a game cube. We had Kirby air ride, a few controllers, a few Zelda games, we were happy campers.

Christmas rolls around and the first thing I unwrap for christmas? Halo: Combat Evolved.

We’re good sports about it, everybody makes mistakes, second and third gifts? two xbox controllers.

the morning continued, memory cards, some xbox party game, the works.

right at the end, the SOB reveals he won an xbox in a raffle.

happy ending, but god damn that was an awkward Christmas start

I received a framed picture of my parents, from my parents. They said it was because I didn’t have a picture of them hung up in my house.

Toothpaste and a toothbrush.

I do now understand the financial problems my family had at the time, but for a child it still was a major bummer. Nevermind me being an only and a Christmas child.

Being poor and lonely made Christmas the worst time of the year: no real celebrations like other kids have and my friends were spending time with their families. It was always the loneliest holiday.

I don’t hold any resentment to my parents, they did what they could with what they had and they weren’t bad people ultimately.

I still don’t like Christmas, but my SO does make it something to look forward to. I like thinking of little gifts to get them and watch their reaction. This year I made several oversized t-shirts for sleeping with vinil prints of our cats. It’s cheesy as fuck, but in a good way. I like getting gifts as well tho 😅.

My birthday is the 27th of December.

On any given year odds are that my birthday sucked. Growing up it was during holiday break so no bringing cupcakes to school. 2 days after Christmas, care to guess how many kids want to attend a birthday party? Birthday presents were almost always an afterthought combined with Christmas.
I am a huge Star Wars fan so when Carrie Fisher passed away on December 27th, 2016, that was an especially shitty birthday.
There have been uears when my parents have forgotten my birthday entirely.

All that aside, my wife threw me my first and only surprise birthday party for my 40th. It was Star Wars themed including food she made from the Galaxy’s Edge cookbook she had given me for Christmas. That year I got a Kenner power (Gonk) droid still in the original packaging (with Venture price sticker still on it), which my mom had somehow saved since I was a kid. She also gave me all of my old Star Wars action figures she had been saving for me, unknown to me. And I also received an original Rancor and the box it came in from a friend. That one almost made up for all the others before and since. I’ve learned the best way to have a good birthday is to set the lowest of expectations.