Any advice that starts with “just…” is automatically invalid.
… Make a list and do one at a time.
… Set a reminder.
… Install some time-tracking productivity software on your phone or computer.
… Go for a walk and clear your head.
… Keep a jug of water nearby.
In keeping with the missing legs analogy, what is the ADHD prosthetics? To me this just looks like someone who’s missing a limb turning down prosthetics, and saying “don’t you see this won’t work because I don’t have legs?”
That’s a actually apt. You don’t know if they tried prosthetics, if they have prosthetics, or if prosthetics would even help. You’re not a doctor, and you’re not their doctor, and you say “just 3d print a new leg” because you saw someone do that in a new article.
Wearing a prosthetic leg can be taxing, and painful, and destabilizing. It requires a whole apparatus and special exercises, and balancing on two would likely require crutches as well.
Most of all, the person you’re talking to probably knows more about their condition and their options than you do. So saying “just get prosthetics” is not a helpful suggestion at all.
Someone with ADHD who rejects your “helpful” advice isn’t choosing to remain unhelped. They’re saying you’re an asshole for thinking you’re the first person to come up with “just keep a calandar. That’s what works for me.”
I often find some ADHD people (myself included for a long time) for some reason automatically shun the simple ideas like this. ALOT of them really are helpful and it does take ALOT of will power. Especially for someone with executive function disorder.
Maybe I’m just a one off case but after putting in years of effort the habits I made have really helped me. And I can feel the damage that occurs when I stop doing them.
I think the problem with simple things like this are not that they don’t work, but that the problem arises in the actually doing of the things.
Personally my primary problem from ADHD is executive dysfunction, and it is SO hard to convey to people/advisors and such that yes, if I did all these “easy” solutions it would help, but the problem is the doing of the thing, creating a bootstrapping problem. To do the productive work you need to use x strategy but you can’t do x strategy because brain says no.
I think if as you have you can make these simple things habit it will help immensely, but as you said it takes a lot of willpower.
It does, that’s the part people often have trouble with. Starting very small really helps with this. I struggle with trying to take on too much at once all the time. I have a lot of interests. I have to constantly remind myself to focus on one problem at a time
I think the key is that we are so often told what to do, but rarely are instructed on how to do it - it’s easy to give advice, but without providing the structure to actually implement the advice, it isn’t worth much. People seem to forget how much work it takes for us to do the things they suggest. Very little advice is as straight-forward as advice-givers make it sound.
Like above, one can say “install time-tracking productivity software” but what does that really mean? To me, it means that now I’ll have to research different types of software. Which means I have to find something compatible with my devices that also: respects my privacy, is easy to use, that has a reasonable price point, and won’t bombard me with ads. If I manage to do all that without getting side-tracked for too long (which is a big “IF”), THEN I have to set up the software and figure out how to use it. Only after all that can I get to the step of actually using it… which honestly, is easy to forget to do as well.
Point is, a lot of “simple advice” isn’t actually that simple for people with ADHD. So when people talk like an idea is some easy thing, it can leave a lot of us feeling like we can’t even reach out for help because iT’s sO siMpLe that asking for help feels embarassing. Yet without guided support, it’s much easier to discount the advice outright than to try to figure out how to implement it on our own. So we fall into that trap, and the “good advice” is ignored yet again.
It’s not the ideas themselves that are the issue, it’s the idea that a person making the suggestion will fix you with such basic suggestions. Alarms? Oh, I hadn’t heard of those, and now I’m cured! Time tracking software? I had not thought of that! Suppose I can cancel my therapy appointments.
I think it’s usually more of a suggestion of a place to start. Alarms for example are really good. Especially if you issue is not being able to remember things. There is no one size fits all solution.
Right, my point is that the unhelpful bit is assuming you can solve it with one suggestion. “Just set an alarm” is condescending and frustrating to receive as advice. I know about alarms, and even if I had anticipated needing a reminder, I might have simply forgotten to set one. Or maybe I had an alarm, but missed it because I was distracted by something else going on.
Not it’s not. You are right. It takes a lot longer to learn those habits and apply it in a useful way. It’s taken me ~9 years and of taking it more seriously. I still f up from time to time. Just not nearly as much as when I started trying to get my shit together. (Even my test results showed overcompensation in my attention problem lol)
You still need to develop those skills on meds. Which takes practice. Meds make it easier to practice.
I think a lot of people on these communities are at a point of discovery and realization. That there is a big factor (ADHD) causing their struggles in life. That they are not “just lazy and undisciplined.” A phase that can look like self-victimization and excuses.
Thing that worked well for me btw, is the ADHD guide on HealthyGamerGG. The name sounds stupid, but it’s the online name of a psychiatrist with experience with ADHD patients, and he takes a hollistic approach. I usually despise every form of spirituality, but he managed to filter out the “woo woo” (as he calls it) and stick to the practical aspects of meditation and how the mind works. Helped me understand my issues and how to handle them better.
I also urge people to be careful with medication. Dosing is important. I was put on a high level of medication and it basically just cracked me out 24/7. I would tell people it was helping me but it held me back a lot. Several of my friends of victims of the same issues. The drugs gave me all the serotonin I needed and it kinda kept me from doing anything at all instead of leveling me out where I could focus.
It took a lot of self reflection to see the damage it was doing.
Medication is a valuable tool but listen to your support structures and let your doctors know how you are responding to your meds.
The meditation that I liked were the ones that practiced mindfully shifting your attention.
The first one was using a specific type of mandala made of harsh contrasting colours and projecting the image on your mental vision. Interestingly, its clarity would fade if you focussed too hard, or too little. Practicing the ‘sweet spot.’
Another was generating thoughts. Letting your mind make stuff. The point was to become aware of the thoughts appearing up. I noticed in this one that the first minutes worth of thoughts were usually garbage. After that, my mind generated stuff that I thought was useful. Like remembering to plan that dental appointment…
This practice was followed by practicing to redirect your attention every few seconds on purpose. Which teaches you how to redirect your attention from your thoughts, into where you want to go.
Ofc, meditation is nice, but the goal is to put that stuff into practice. I found it helped getting myself to do what I want to do, but couldn’t get myself to. Like studying or cleaning.
My tip is, choose 1 low-level and practice that. I started in the morning for 5 to 10min, and tried to apply the lesson throughout the day to make it useful. I did that for 1 to 2 weeks before going to the next step of the meditation. That was hard enough! xD
100% all those simple ideas definitely work for anyone, but it usually takes far longer for someone with ADHD to implement these ideas and make them a habit on their own, and even more effort to keep the habit going. This is really confusing to someone without ADHD because in their own lives when they put effort in to changing something they usually see results somewhat quickly. Thus, they assume the ADHD individual does not care or have the desire to change because there’s no immediate visible results, or not as many visible results over a longer period of time
Yeah it takes a lot of mindfulness for sure. I just want people to know there is hope, and there is good advice out there. It’s just hard, and that really sucks. I hope people can find good support structures like I did.
I didn’t understand for so long how people could just sit down and do shit, while I hated doing things like dishes so much it made me irrationally angry.
Just knowing I have a problem helped. With some consideration and research I got ideas on how to deal with some of my problems. Example: hate washing dishes? Reduce the number of dishes you have at home and replace as many as possible with dishwasher-safe alternatives (assuming you have a dishwasher). Then they can’t pile up so bad and it becomes less intimidating to take on.
What didn’t help: suggestions from people without ADHD. “Just do it”, “schedule it”, “task tracker”, etc… yeah fuck that.
Struggle with eating fruit/veg instead of shit snacks? Buy pre-cut stuff.
Don’t know what to cook? Use a recipe randomizer each week and just buy what you need, or just do 5 pages out of a cookbook or something, idk. Hell for a while I just made the same meals every week, no planning necessary.
Hate folding clothes? Just don’t. Reduce the amount of clothing you have, get bins for each type of clothing, separate and pile that shit.
Yeah. Same here. Even my test results showed signs of overcompensation. I got most stuff correct in time, but my impulsivity (and gaming addiction) shined through. It was stressful as hell and I tried my best. Then took the test again on meds and 1) it wasn’t stressful, I was zen! 2) I was far less impulsive. xD
I understand most of what you’re saying, but wouldn’t setting a reminder help with some things? I have ADHD and it does help me with some of the things I need to get done. Is your problem with that one more that it just sounds condescending?
Of course it would, but it’s like meeting a deaf person and suggesting hearing aids and closed captioning. You think people don’t know about setting reminders?
Just thinking about reminders is making me anxious. And arbitrary reminders or artificial deadlines are totally useless because I set them and know they don’t matter, so I’ll just skip them anyway.
Doesn’t mean you’ll magically be able to concentrate but context switches sometimes help focus on different issues. Plus it’s healthy. Spend 3 days cooped up in your home trying to work from home and that walk outdoors is going to do wonders for your well-being.
It’s like a quick reboot for your brain. Not a silver bullet, but sometimes it helps. A lot of the time it doesn’t.
Yup. I found that “taking the mind out on walkies” offers space for the mental storm to calm down a bit. Doesn’t do shit for focus, but takes away stress.
Works for me, too, sometimes. But I also have arthritis, not that I would expect anyone to know that, but that’s kind of my point. There’s no cure for ADHD, and you definitely can’t fix it if you “just” do one of the most common methods of mitigating symptoms. Oh, you have back pain? Just take a Tylenol. Just do some physical therapy. Just lie down for a bit. Just get a spinal fusion surgery.
That one is pretty useless if you have an hourly job. Oh, I’ll just leave the store whenever I want and won’t get fired, hmm? And the infuriating thing will still be there when I get back.
OP did say that in this particular instance, and I may have missed that on first read. But this advice is all over the place generally, and I’ve frequently received this advice IRL, with no caveats or context, so it’s not always a matter of “keep scrolling.”
I’m not doing what that article is talking about. I guess instead of reminding people that there are a lot of neurodivergent people not working remotely, I should have just silenced myself. I mean, why even have a thread like this at all if the advice works for some people?
Yes, that’s true. You’ll have to find a coping mechanism of your own.
Me? I wasn’t able to cope with having a soul-crushing job where I had to be there from 9 to 5 and do nothing particularly intellectually engaging. I quit without a new job in hand. What happened from that point on was pure luck though, so I can’t really recommend you do this.
What is valid is mind your business. If you meet someone in a wheelchair, do you start recommending surgical treatments or physical therapy exercises? ADHD is a medical condition, and there is no cure-all treatment or technique that will make the problem go away. You deal with someone who has ADHD with understanding and empathy. If their condition affects you, especially in a negative way (they frequently forget plans, or they are late and you find yourself waiting) then you should honestly communicate those issues. But it’s not your problem to fix. Some problems can’t be fixed. You’re entitled to your happiness, but unless you’re their doctor, you don’t need to help them come up with a solution.
What was your single cure-all suggestion to your colleague that fixed him?
You help by talking with them to uncover the root of the problem and working with them to avoid it in the future. There isn’t going to be a simple fix that guarantees it won’t happen again. “Just install an app” isn’t treatment.
It’s like you’re not reading what i’m saying on purpose.
So perpetual liability regardless of what we do? Is that the advice you give? Saying “talk to them” is as vague a response as the advice listed from the first comment i responded to.
Seriously putting the effort in and doing these things over and over again, reinforcing it in my head, for two decades helped me really get my adhd in control. It took like ten years for me to feel like I made any progress though, and I felt like a hopeless moron. But it started to work. I never tried medication for mine and I’m glad now that I didn’t.
I do the 3 first points at the same time and 5. Maybe i should do 4 more often. I think these things have helped me so far but it took me like a decade to implement correctly XD
Man the tips work for some and not for some. Just is some people’s way of trying to make it easier, seem easier to remove the threshold just a tiny bit. You don’t need to shit on the people trying to help
It’s not that the methods are bad or ineffective, it’s that the advice is unsolicited and condescending. Do you offer to help everyone you meet with every one of their medical conditions? You meet somebody with a rash, and you say “just rub some vaseline with aloe on that, it’ll go away.” You don’t know the cause of the rash, or if that will help, or if they tried it already. There’s no “just” anything that makes ADHD go away.
Or maybe don’t go poking people with the very specific stick that they’ve spent their entire lives associating with disappointment, stress, anger, and sometimes punishment, aka “Just perform-action”, and expecting to never get snapped at.
Speaking from my own personal mental health journey: Those bits of advice that didn’t work 5 years ago may work now. I couldn’t use mindfulness while my ADHD/C-PTSD was at its peak, but after working on a few other things, suddenly it became a useful tool even if I couldn’t use it for years and years. The advice was still good, but refusing to return to a tool because it didn’t immediately work in the past and getting frustrated and letting that frustration turn to anger doesn’t get me what I am looking for.
I definitely agree that it could be helpful, but given one of the common co-morbidities with ADHD is Oppositional Defiance Disorder i don’t think its a helpful thing to bring up for many people with ADHD in a normal conversation; as the phrase goes, “Change comes from within”
You don’t need to shit on the people trying to help
When the advice is akin to telling an amputee to just grow back a limb, yeah you kinda do.
I understand that the advice is coming from (what they consider to be) a good place, but that doesn’t change that the advice is coming from a place of ignorance and shows they likely have no understanding of your situation. I’ve had NTs try this with me, and they get mad when I systematically tell them why their advice is not applicable or coming from a place that shows they have no understanding of my situation. And sometimes they’ve even told me that I’m just not doing it right, because if I was, it would work.
Generic advice is only good when you can’t be bothered to understand someone’s situation and feel the need to insert yourself into someone else’s life, and without being asked a good amount of the time.
Any advice that starts with “just…” is automatically invalid.
… Make a list and do one at a time.
… Set a reminder.
… Install some time-tracking productivity software on your phone or computer.
… Go for a walk and clear your head.
… Keep a jug of water nearby.
In keeping with the missing legs analogy, what is the ADHD prosthetics? To me this just looks like someone who’s missing a limb turning down prosthetics, and saying “don’t you see this won’t work because I don’t have legs?”
That’s a actually apt. You don’t know if they tried prosthetics, if they have prosthetics, or if prosthetics would even help. You’re not a doctor, and you’re not their doctor, and you say “just 3d print a new leg” because you saw someone do that in a new article.
Wearing a prosthetic leg can be taxing, and painful, and destabilizing. It requires a whole apparatus and special exercises, and balancing on two would likely require crutches as well.
Most of all, the person you’re talking to probably knows more about their condition and their options than you do. So saying “just get prosthetics” is not a helpful suggestion at all.
Someone with ADHD who rejects your “helpful” advice isn’t choosing to remain unhelped. They’re saying you’re an asshole for thinking you’re the first person to come up with “just keep a calandar. That’s what works for me.”
I often find some ADHD people (myself included for a long time) for some reason automatically shun the simple ideas like this. ALOT of them really are helpful and it does take ALOT of will power. Especially for someone with executive function disorder.
Maybe I’m just a one off case but after putting in years of effort the habits I made have really helped me. And I can feel the damage that occurs when I stop doing them.
I think the problem with simple things like this are not that they don’t work, but that the problem arises in the actually doing of the things.
Personally my primary problem from ADHD is executive dysfunction, and it is SO hard to convey to people/advisors and such that yes, if I did all these “easy” solutions it would help, but the problem is the doing of the thing, creating a bootstrapping problem. To do the productive work you need to use x strategy but you can’t do x strategy because brain says no.
I think if as you have you can make these simple things habit it will help immensely, but as you said it takes a lot of willpower.
It does, that’s the part people often have trouble with. Starting very small really helps with this. I struggle with trying to take on too much at once all the time. I have a lot of interests. I have to constantly remind myself to focus on one problem at a time
You’re definitely not alone.
I think the key is that we are so often told what to do, but rarely are instructed on how to do it - it’s easy to give advice, but without providing the structure to actually implement the advice, it isn’t worth much. People seem to forget how much work it takes for us to do the things they suggest. Very little advice is as straight-forward as advice-givers make it sound.
Like above, one can say “install time-tracking productivity software” but what does that really mean? To me, it means that now I’ll have to research different types of software. Which means I have to find something compatible with my devices that also: respects my privacy, is easy to use, that has a reasonable price point, and won’t bombard me with ads. If I manage to do all that without getting side-tracked for too long (which is a big “IF”), THEN I have to set up the software and figure out how to use it. Only after all that can I get to the step of actually using it… which honestly, is easy to forget to do as well.
Point is, a lot of “simple advice” isn’t actually that simple for people with ADHD. So when people talk like an idea is some easy thing, it can leave a lot of us feeling like we can’t even reach out for help because iT’s sO siMpLe that asking for help feels embarassing. Yet without guided support, it’s much easier to discount the advice outright than to try to figure out how to implement it on our own. So we fall into that trap, and the “good advice” is ignored yet again.
I think generally the idea is to start small
It’s not the ideas themselves that are the issue, it’s the idea that a person making the suggestion will fix you with such basic suggestions. Alarms? Oh, I hadn’t heard of those, and now I’m cured! Time tracking software? I had not thought of that! Suppose I can cancel my therapy appointments.
I think it’s usually more of a suggestion of a place to start. Alarms for example are really good. Especially if you issue is not being able to remember things. There is no one size fits all solution.
Right, my point is that the unhelpful bit is assuming you can solve it with one suggestion. “Just set an alarm” is condescending and frustrating to receive as advice. I know about alarms, and even if I had anticipated needing a reminder, I might have simply forgotten to set one. Or maybe I had an alarm, but missed it because I was distracted by something else going on.
Yup… it’s all about picking it up. Preferably before the moment you start to lose it. Good news. Even if you lose it, you can pick it back up!
Not it’s not. You are right. It takes a lot longer to learn those habits and apply it in a useful way. It’s taken me ~9 years and of taking it more seriously. I still f up from time to time. Just not nearly as much as when I started trying to get my shit together. (Even my test results showed overcompensation in my attention problem lol)
You still need to develop those skills on meds. Which takes practice. Meds make it easier to practice.
I think a lot of people on these communities are at a point of discovery and realization. That there is a big factor (ADHD) causing their struggles in life. That they are not “just lazy and undisciplined.” A phase that can look like self-victimization and excuses.
Thing that worked well for me btw, is the ADHD guide on HealthyGamerGG. The name sounds stupid, but it’s the online name of a psychiatrist with experience with ADHD patients, and he takes a hollistic approach. I usually despise every form of spirituality, but he managed to filter out the “woo woo” (as he calls it) and stick to the practical aspects of meditation and how the mind works. Helped me understand my issues and how to handle them better.
I also urge people to be careful with medication. Dosing is important. I was put on a high level of medication and it basically just cracked me out 24/7. I would tell people it was helping me but it held me back a lot. Several of my friends of victims of the same issues. The drugs gave me all the serotonin I needed and it kinda kept me from doing anything at all instead of leveling me out where I could focus.
It took a lot of self reflection to see the damage it was doing.
Medication is a valuable tool but listen to your support structures and let your doctors know how you are responding to your meds.
Solid advice! Thanks
I have started the HealthyGamer guide recently and watched about a dozen videos. Haven’t really done the worksheets or meditated regularly though.
What was your journey like? How did you use it? Any tips?
The meditation that I liked were the ones that practiced mindfully shifting your attention.
The first one was using a specific type of mandala made of harsh contrasting colours and projecting the image on your mental vision. Interestingly, its clarity would fade if you focussed too hard, or too little. Practicing the ‘sweet spot.’
Another was generating thoughts. Letting your mind make stuff. The point was to become aware of the thoughts appearing up. I noticed in this one that the first minutes worth of thoughts were usually garbage. After that, my mind generated stuff that I thought was useful. Like remembering to plan that dental appointment…
This practice was followed by practicing to redirect your attention every few seconds on purpose. Which teaches you how to redirect your attention from your thoughts, into where you want to go.
Ofc, meditation is nice, but the goal is to put that stuff into practice. I found it helped getting myself to do what I want to do, but couldn’t get myself to. Like studying or cleaning.
My tip is, choose 1 low-level and practice that. I started in the morning for 5 to 10min, and tried to apply the lesson throughout the day to make it useful. I did that for 1 to 2 weeks before going to the next step of the meditation. That was hard enough! xD
Thank you
100% all those simple ideas definitely work for anyone, but it usually takes far longer for someone with ADHD to implement these ideas and make them a habit on their own, and even more effort to keep the habit going. This is really confusing to someone without ADHD because in their own lives when they put effort in to changing something they usually see results somewhat quickly. Thus, they assume the ADHD individual does not care or have the desire to change because there’s no immediate visible results, or not as many visible results over a longer period of time
Yeah it takes a lot of mindfulness for sure. I just want people to know there is hope, and there is good advice out there. It’s just hard, and that really sucks. I hope people can find good support structures like I did.
The one that got me when I was still undiagnosed still infuriates me to this day.
I tried that and went from a 90 average slacking off to a 92 burning myself out “applying myself” in place of any activity that brought me joy.
I didn’t understand for so long how people could just sit down and do shit, while I hated doing things like dishes so much it made me irrationally angry.
Just knowing I have a problem helped. With some consideration and research I got ideas on how to deal with some of my problems. Example: hate washing dishes? Reduce the number of dishes you have at home and replace as many as possible with dishwasher-safe alternatives (assuming you have a dishwasher). Then they can’t pile up so bad and it becomes less intimidating to take on.
What didn’t help: suggestions from people without ADHD. “Just do it”, “schedule it”, “task tracker”, etc… yeah fuck that.
Yeah. Same here. Even my test results showed signs of overcompensation. I got most stuff correct in time, but my impulsivity (and gaming addiction) shined through. It was stressful as hell and I tried my best. Then took the test again on meds and 1) it wasn’t stressful, I was zen! 2) I was far less impulsive. xD
I will ask my psychiatrist to do the test again on medication. Interesting.
“Wow, that’s an amazing list of things I never considered doing”
Man, NTs get mad when you sarcastically point out why their advice is bad and you’re not willing to play along to not hurt their feelings.
Yeah, frankly I’m shocked by the number of comments saying “I dont understand, why are you complaining about all my good ideas?”
I understand most of what you’re saying, but wouldn’t setting a reminder help with some things? I have ADHD and it does help me with some of the things I need to get done. Is your problem with that one more that it just sounds condescending?
Of course it would, but it’s like meeting a deaf person and suggesting hearing aids and closed captioning. You think people don’t know about setting reminders?
Just thinking about reminders is making me anxious. And arbitrary reminders or artificial deadlines are totally useless because I set them and know they don’t matter, so I’ll just skip them anyway.
They’re all pretty helpful. I also don’t understand.
I can understand that they are not magic fixes and they are overstated as advice, but I would agree that at least some of them help a lot of people.
I swear by the go for a walk one.
Doesn’t mean you’ll magically be able to concentrate but context switches sometimes help focus on different issues. Plus it’s healthy. Spend 3 days cooped up in your home trying to work from home and that walk outdoors is going to do wonders for your well-being.
It’s like a quick reboot for your brain. Not a silver bullet, but sometimes it helps. A lot of the time it doesn’t.
Yup. I found that “taking the mind out on walkies” offers space for the mental storm to calm down a bit. Doesn’t do shit for focus, but takes away stress.
Works for me, too, sometimes. But I also have arthritis, not that I would expect anyone to know that, but that’s kind of my point. There’s no cure for ADHD, and you definitely can’t fix it if you “just” do one of the most common methods of mitigating symptoms. Oh, you have back pain? Just take a Tylenol. Just do some physical therapy. Just lie down for a bit. Just get a spinal fusion surgery.
Any of those might help, or maybe not.
That one is pretty useless if you have an hourly job. Oh, I’ll just leave the store whenever I want and won’t get fired, hmm? And the infuriating thing will still be there when I get back.
Then the advice is not for you, and you should ignore it. OP clearly said it’s for people who work from home and never leave (guilty).
You can’t make bean soup if you don’t have beans.
OP did say that in this particular instance, and I may have missed that on first read. But this advice is all over the place generally, and I’ve frequently received this advice IRL, with no caveats or context, so it’s not always a matter of “keep scrolling.”
I’m not doing what that article is talking about. I guess instead of reminding people that there are a lot of neurodivergent people not working remotely, I should have just silenced myself. I mean, why even have a thread like this at all if the advice works for some people?
I do not know how “ignore the advice if it doesn’t apply to you” could be any more clear in the actual post we’re commenting on, and in my comment.
It sounds like you’re unhappy in your job and need an outlet, but being neurodivergent and unable to go for a walk isn’t really it.
Yes, that’s true. You’ll have to find a coping mechanism of your own.
Me? I wasn’t able to cope with having a soul-crushing job where I had to be there from 9 to 5 and do nothing particularly intellectually engaging. I quit without a new job in hand. What happened from that point on was pure luck though, so I can’t really recommend you do this.
Then give examples of what is valid.
Otherwise both problems persist. Misunderstanding by normals and undiagnosed ADHD-affected missing a tool.
I have no idea how to deal with someone that has adhd. I just know that they can’t process time the same way other people can.
What is valid is mind your business. If you meet someone in a wheelchair, do you start recommending surgical treatments or physical therapy exercises? ADHD is a medical condition, and there is no cure-all treatment or technique that will make the problem go away. You deal with someone who has ADHD with understanding and empathy. If their condition affects you, especially in a negative way (they frequently forget plans, or they are late and you find yourself waiting) then you should honestly communicate those issues. But it’s not your problem to fix. Some problems can’t be fixed. You’re entitled to your happiness, but unless you’re their doctor, you don’t need to help them come up with a solution.
Helping them get professional help from a doctor or therapist can be very helpful though. Also ask what you can do to support them.
Sure, if you’re close like that. Support and empathy are great.
What a non-answer. I have a colleague with adhd that lost a customer because he couldn’t finish a job in time. Quite literally my business.
How do i help so it doesn’t happen again? From all i hear its a treatable issue.
What was your single cure-all suggestion to your colleague that fixed him?
You help by talking with them to uncover the root of the problem and working with them to avoid it in the future. There isn’t going to be a simple fix that guarantees it won’t happen again. “Just install an app” isn’t treatment.
It’s like you’re not reading what i’m saying on purpose.
So perpetual liability regardless of what we do? Is that the advice you give? Saying “talk to them” is as vague a response as the advice listed from the first comment i responded to.
I’m not sure if that’s irony or projection.
Start over from the top and try reading the whole thing again. But this time, just try to comprehend what I was saying.
Comprehension goes both ways
Nothing you said didn’t make sense. You’re just missing the point. Which more or less was my point, so thanks for serving as an example.
It sounds like the implied sequence from your original post was in fact:
Did I get that right? That’s what it sounds like from the mind your own business angle.
Start with the meme.
You had a concern and provided advice.
Your advice followed the format I referenced: “Just (do something obvious that seems simple, and would be if you don’t have ADHD)”
You are frustrated because your advice was ignored.
Oh…In this scenario the advice was solicited, so where does mind your own business come in?
Seriously putting the effort in and doing these things over and over again, reinforcing it in my head, for two decades helped me really get my adhd in control. It took like ten years for me to feel like I made any progress though, and I felt like a hopeless moron. But it started to work. I never tried medication for mine and I’m glad now that I didn’t.
That’s amazing!
Yeah. I run my own contracting company now and have managed to be super organized lol
I do the 3 first points at the same time and 5. Maybe i should do 4 more often. I think these things have helped me so far but it took me like a decade to implement correctly XD
Man the tips work for some and not for some. Just is some people’s way of trying to make it easier, seem easier to remove the threshold just a tiny bit. You don’t need to shit on the people trying to help
It’s not that the methods are bad or ineffective, it’s that the advice is unsolicited and condescending. Do you offer to help everyone you meet with every one of their medical conditions? You meet somebody with a rash, and you say “just rub some vaseline with aloe on that, it’ll go away.” You don’t know the cause of the rash, or if that will help, or if they tried it already. There’s no “just” anything that makes ADHD go away.
Or maybe don’t go poking people with the very specific stick that they’ve spent their entire lives associating with disappointment, stress, anger, and sometimes punishment, aka “Just perform-action”, and expecting to never get snapped at.
Speaking from my own personal mental health journey: Those bits of advice that didn’t work 5 years ago may work now. I couldn’t use mindfulness while my ADHD/C-PTSD was at its peak, but after working on a few other things, suddenly it became a useful tool even if I couldn’t use it for years and years. The advice was still good, but refusing to return to a tool because it didn’t immediately work in the past and getting frustrated and letting that frustration turn to anger doesn’t get me what I am looking for.
I definitely agree that it could be helpful, but given one of the common co-morbidities with ADHD is Oppositional Defiance Disorder i don’t think its a helpful thing to bring up for many people with ADHD in a normal conversation; as the phrase goes, “Change comes from within”
When the advice is akin to telling an amputee to just grow back a limb, yeah you kinda do.
I understand that the advice is coming from (what they consider to be) a good place, but that doesn’t change that the advice is coming from a place of ignorance and shows they likely have no understanding of your situation. I’ve had NTs try this with me, and they get mad when I systematically tell them why their advice is not applicable or coming from a place that shows they have no understanding of my situation. And sometimes they’ve even told me that I’m just not doing it right, because if I was, it would work.
Generic advice is only good when you can’t be bothered to understand someone’s situation and feel the need to insert yourself into someone else’s life, and without being asked a good amount of the time.