I don’t fit very well with the idea of masculinity. I’m just a goofy nerd with a gentle personality and the desire to make others happy. I have always wanted to look soft and approachable; I have smooth, rounded facial features, wavy hair, big glasses, and a clean-shaven face. My personality is utterly non-threatening. I love caring for people, I enjoy being silly and whimsical, I’m a bit clumsy and get flustered easily, I wouldn’t hurt a fly (unless I had to), and I’m polite to a fault. My paradise is a warm, cozy, quiet safe haven surrounded by cute plushies.
I’m not manly in the slightest, and I love being that way. I’m a total softie through and through, and I purposely align my appearance with my personality. I look gentle because I am gentle.
I have always been treated differently than my male peers. Many people are inexplicably nicer or softer on me even if they barely know me. Female friends have fawned over me, calling me things like “cute,” “adorable,” and “sweetheart,” and expressing a desire to protect me. And I love it. I don’t find it offensive or infantilizing at all.
Through extensive introspection, I later figured out that care and nurturing are incredibly attractive to me, and the funny tickle I felt whenever I was shown care and protection by my female friends was actually a subtle tinge of attraction. It’s rather curious that my personality and gender expression just happened to develop in such a way to subconsciously solicit that kind of attention.
This is all well and good, but I worry that this makes me categorically unsexy due to my intentional suppression of gendered characteristics and desire to give off pure, wholesome vibes. Could I really be sexually desirable if I’m the kind of person who apologizes to trees for bumping into them? Some women have even teasingly called me a “Christian” or “virgin” because of this perceived innocence, suggesting that some people do indeed associate my personality with sexual restraint or abstinence.
In reality, I absolutely do want a sexual relationship, and I have always imagined myself treating a partner with the same gentle caregiving energy that I myself crave. I don’t do “naughty” or “dominant”; I would view a partner’s body as something to passionately take care of, not something to tease or conquer.
I would appreciate some outside perspective on this. Thanks!
Here’s the top 3 things that the Lemmy community loves the most:
- Linux
- The though of elon musk getting hit with a blue shell in Mario kart
- Femboys
So you’re good
(jokes aside any aestethic choice will be attractive to some people and a turn off for others, so you might as well be whatever makes you feel good)
Woman here, you sound cute. in a good way <3
Leaning into this will probably garner attention from the right sort of women for you. The ones attracted to “traditional masculinity” (which is kind of a trap in some respects anyway) probably wouldn’t be attracted to you sexually in the first place, based on what you describe here. So you don’t really lose anything by what you plan to do. Go for it!
And if anyone gives you guff about it, tell them to fuck off (or whatever response appropriate to your vibe, but carrying a similar message, works best).
Don’t feel bad for being cute, you do you - which also may or may not be the dream of a woman 1+ ft. taller than you.
Alas, that’s a tough find given that I’m over 6 feet tall, but the idea of a shorter woman making herself taller to kiss my forehead (by standing on a step or stool) somehow became even more appealing to me lol.
bro that is manly as fuck. keep doing you because it’s hella manly to be gentle and caring and nurturing.
you need to stop worrying about all that “not alpha/sigma male = not attractive” self-doubt. you also need to stop worrying about your attractiveness. you’re already attractive to some people. just find people you really enjoy hanging out with one on one, and eventually you’ll land a partner.
This. Exactly this.
Trying to be what others consider desirable or normal is really just a kind of lack of strength in your own personality. True strength is when you can be yourself, don’t pretend and simply live the way you want to be. Your friends will be true friends because they will know you without pretense. Anyone who doesn’t find you attractive in this way is the wrong partner.
You do you. Someone will love you and it’s better that they love you than a you you’re pretending to be.
Yes you can! I’m quite the same way and you may enjoy checking out !femboy@lemmy.blahaj.zone :3
Aww you’re always posting cute stuff like this on Lemmy. Keep up the cuteness haha!
Aww thank you! I’ll try <3
Theres a fish for every net, my friend
You are attractive, probably very attractive. Your post makes it clear to me. You receive attention of multiple women, and some of them are even making advances on you. Manly men are in crisis, in my opinion. Feminism all around is putting the concept of the manly man in question, and you, my friend, are the next step, like the X-men mutant to the human being.
In any case, what’s a man, anyway? They will tell you all kinds of zombie answers. As someone raised by women and two absent masculine figures, I just don’t get it. Learned to set limits with bullies the bad way, always taking advantage of the situation cowardly, but effectively, and I don’t regret kicking them while they were on the floor. What I mean is, if it works for you being all cute, be cute by all means, but if you want to have sex, be all the cute you want saying that seriously; otherwise, people, women, will take you for a prude, maybe even gay, and I don’t know why, but that’s been my experience.
Be yourself. Don’t let other men show off by demeaning you, don’t let women think you’re some kind of a monk, especially the ones you are attracted to. Those are the limits.
EDIT: just to clarify, there’s nothing wrong with being gay, but it hardly works to project that idea if you want to get intimate with the opposite sex.
Not only can you do that, in some circles you will need to wear a lifejacket to keep from drowning in pussy.
A term for a similarly related self-appraisal popped up in the early 2000s of Metrosexual. Obviously it has faded, but was for a time a steadfast declaration by plenty of men at the time (I was one of them). I’m old now so my pulse on such things has waned - but hell yeah, brother - you do you! That’s always attractive imo.
Yes you can! There are many straight femboys for example
Well you appeal to most women? No. Will you appeal to some women? Absolutely.
I would say most women is not a useful metric tbh. Most women they encounter in their social circles will likely find them attractive, however.
Bi and pan girls have entered the chat.
Behind every golden retriever boyfriend is a black cat girlfriend.
Oh I am well aware. My current FWB is pan and I am not a manly man’s man. She is obsessed with me even though I do not fit the description of traditional masculinity.
I make her laugh and climax (not always in that order) so my physical appearance is pretty much irrelevant. It’s a wonderful thing.
What is your “most women” based on, personal experience?
It’s not that deep. The vague “ideal man” that most women would find attractive. Think your Henry Cavils of the world. “Manly” men.
When you intentionally stray from the traits that women are biologically wired to seek in a partner you’re gonna lower the number that find it attractive. Like I’m sure some deer are still attracted to the buck that loses every fight. Just not as many as the one that wins all its fights.
How do you know this is biological and not a social construct? I am afraid your opinion is based on a lot of stereotypes.
… Based on science and reality. There are endless studies that in general women are more attracted to “masculine” men. Strong looking deep voiced men. Even more so when ovulating. Same way men are hard wired for big boobs and wide hips. Monkey brain wants to make sure our offspring survive birth and are well fed.
Obviously I understand that many people stray from those biological/evolutionary preferences but they are still the average/norm for most hence my first comment.
based on science and reality
If you’re going to be that hand wavy and sure about it, then it’s only fair that I respond with “source?”
https://www.colorado.edu/asmagazine/2010/12/01/fertile-women-want-macho-looking-men
Or just Google it for yourself and read any one of the many many articles talking about the subject in various different and specific ways.
Or just look at the men that most women are attracted to in general and see what characteristics they share.
I understand women are not a monolith. I was careful when I said “most” not all.
I’m sorry, your source is a short 15 year old quarterly fluff university magazine piece written by an undergrad citing a study that isn’t even linked in the article?
There are lots of studies saying that intelligence, a great sense of humor, and wealth are very attractive to women too. What if OP was a PhD, stand up comedian by night with a great job at a university and a wealthy family? I mean, we are not monkeys in the end.
Just wanted to say that our modern ideas of masculinity are far from universal and largely ahistorical. It’s okay to be exactly who you are.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Great_Male_Renunciation
Coined by British psychologist John Flügel in 1930, it is considered a major turning point in the history of clothing in which the men relinquished their claim to adornment and beauty. Flügel asserted that men “abandoned their claim to be considered beautiful” and “henceforth aimed at being only useful”.
Good sir,
The yoga community is starved for healthy male presence (practice at most studios as a man and you will be a distinct minority).
This community values the same gentle and nurturing approach you have realized that you embody. The fact that you are introspective, respectful and self aware just makes it an even better fit for what you describe.
I cannot think of a place more accepting of individual differences and the persona you describe would be very welcome in those spaces.
I wouldn’t recommend this to someone who was just a pussy-hound, it wouldn’t be welcomed.
Yoga is a sex-positive and body-positive philosophy that doesn’t focus directly on sex usually, but instead helps one become a more rounded person, part of which is healthy relationships that may include physical intimacy.
You seem to understand boundaries and respect. So this suggestion is more about how to build the kind of community where your unique gifts are valued.
I have built many valuable relationships through my practice, most all non-romantic but all very supportive. From that foundation however, my more intimate relationships have improved immensely too.
My two cents
